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  1. #21
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    I guess I just feel so flawed internally. Today I just feel ashamed of what I am and what I do when I try and share that internal side of myself. It is way too intense and overwhelming. So I want to hide it away forever, but get torn by a desire to share it as well as I don't want to be alone.

    I don't want to be alone but I can't be true either without seeming a monster. So to let someone in real life see what I feel-in all its honesty is terrifying.

    I let me entp best friend read some posts a made a few weeks back and she said she was proud that I said what I felt even if sounded crazy. But I couldn't even talk to her about it. I had no words.

    I don't say these things to get attention or make people feel sorry for me-I detest both as they make me feel weak-i would disapear into nothing given the chance rather than seek attention of others.

    I wish I could be invisible so I could help people without hurting them. I wish I did not need other people so that I could be alone.

    I just feel like a monster and feel shame at being what I am.

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by Happy Puppy View Post
    I guess I just feel so flawed internally. Today I just feel ashamed of what I am and what I do when I try and share that internal side of myself. It is way too intense and overwhelming. So I want to hide it away forever, but get torn by a desire to share it as well as I don't want to be alone.

    I wish I could be invisible so I could help people without hurting them. I wish I did not need other people so that I could be alone.

    I just feel like a monster and feel shame at being what I am.
    I can relate to this so much. There are times when this feeling is so strong. Too strong.

  3. #23
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rebe View Post
    Maybe that's human. Is that true of other types like the NTs and STs?
    I think fear of vulnerability is pretty much universal.
    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    Well, it's complex. If I like or admire someone there grows the fear that once they know me, they are bored or bothered by me and I'll withdraw because I hate to feel like I am being invasive or a bother to anyone. That causes me problems. Maybe I've even hurt others through this, I am not sure.
    This surprises me. I can't imagine you being an invasive type at all. And certainly not boring.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  4. #24
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    I've heard several INFPs express heart's sentiments and it always surprises me how different their perception of their level of invasiveness (or boringness!) is compared with mine!

  5. #25
    Senior Member Shimmy's Avatar
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    Nop, I almost always grow closer to those who have seen me naked.
    (removed)

  6. #26
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    Only if they couldn't handle it.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  7. #27
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    No, I will feel shy immediately after the incident, but then I'll feel a deep kinship with the person(s).

    When I am out and about, and in the company of others, I often wear my extroverted suit of arms, but there is a lot of vulnerability and dare I say sadness beneath my surface.

    Yesterday night I went out to dinner with my patient/client and her brother and his fiance. I feel very connected to her brother, always have, and he and his fiance often ask about my personal life, (more specifically, my romantic life), and I disclose my issues/opinions/feelings openly with them.

    Recently, I have been dealing with a lot of "stuff" and I tried to express myself in a light way, keeping my composure, and towards the end of the discussion he mentioned something to me, a compliment, and then suddenly a rush of tears began running down my cheek. :/

    It's times like these when I thank the gods above that I cry quietly, i.e. the tears just fall, no noise to accompany them.

    Regardless, when I do cry in the company of someone else, it means a lot, and it displays a love and trust that I have/feel with the person.

    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

  8. #28
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    no...i'm only naked with people i trust to start with.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  9. #29
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    no...i'm only naked with people i trust to start with.
    Yeah, this.

    I'll never forget this time I started crying at Starbucks in front of my father, and he just kept prattling on, I then excused myself and went to the bathroom to get all the tears out.

    One of the most awful experiences of my life.
    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

  10. #30
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Happy Puppy View Post
    I guess I just feel so flawed internally. Today I just feel ashamed of what I am and what I do when I try and share that internal side of myself. It is way too intense and overwhelming. So I want to hide it away forever, but get torn by a desire to share it as well as I don't want to be alone.

    I just feel like a monster and feel shame at being what I am.
    Hmm emo breakdown. Gotta love those. But just for the jungian enthusiasts in the crowd, this ^^^ is Te judging the results of an Fi judgment and finding horribly fucked up. It is Te measuring and understanding in advance the results of what happens when I share emotion openly and realizing how bad an idea that is and why it should not be allowed.

    By all of the things I "value"-accountability, responsibility, integrity, honesty, self control, stewardship, I grade myself a FAIL. It leaves me torn between hiding and wanting to dissolve into nothing, being overcome with feelings of utter disgust, or running into the street and beating my hands on the pavement until they bleed. I am more repulsed by myself that any external person ever could be and repulsed by my own need to share my pain.

    I think today I have decided a new course of action. I think I will be alone and stay alone. At first this seems painful, but there is an austerity and strength in that isolation and in making it a concrete choice it becomes a Te rule to abide by. However I want to find ways to help other people indirectly and in mass via via work or helping in my community in some way.

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