Sunshine, one thing I've thought about a lot going through this type of thing with an IxTP is that it takes two steps to present what information he needs to know in order to help you out, and BOTH are difficult for an ENFJ.
First, you have to know what simple things he can do to make you feel more connected. This means evaluating more than what makes you feel insecure, but going deeper & evaluating your emotional needs & then simplifying them, taking out the endless details for meaning, & finishing with straightforward requests. (Example: "Call me in the middle of the week.", "Tell me something about your week when you talk to me, even if it seems irrelevant or mundane.") This has always been so hard for me I can almost see a wall go up in my mind when I try to do it.
Then comes the part where you have to tell him, which seems like it would be easy if you had those simple "requests" in your head. For me, however, it is difficult to be certain that I came to the right conclusions when I decided on the "requests" (because the analyzing was so shaky, I can't be too sure of my judgment). This is also the point where you have to give some explanation for why you need those things without overwhelming with endless details. That's where it gets even trickier for me, because I get worried that without understanding the meaning behind those actions, the IxTP will do them but not "want to" (a very ENFJ way to look at it) & I will pick up on this, not be able to quell my emotions with the rationalization that by doing it, whether or not they want to, they are showing they care. Then I would not only still feel upset, but I'd feel guilt for imposing on the IxTP and not being able to fully appreciate & accept his attempts.
Becoming aware of the above has been helpful to me because when I can see how the whole process works, I can find ways to use logic without invalidating my own emotions. (haha, dear God that sounds so terrible.) I'm not sure if you find any of it familiar to you but I figured I'd post just in case.