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  1. #31
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    If you need more that he isn't providing you need to look more at your relationship. You should not "change" your needs to fit him, that is just going to cause problems later on. If you are compatible you should be compatible all the way around, not just when you are trying to stuff your feelings.

  2. #32
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Morgan Le Fay View Post
    I dunno so much. I see a lot of threads where Fs (men and women) are complaining about Ts, I can't recall any the other way around. I like Fs, but I don't go on to berate them for the qualities that attracted me in the first place. That would be illogical.
    This is true. Those attraction points can become irritating, but it's never to the point where I have to come and lament about it. They come with the territory.

  3. #33
    ✿ڿڰۣஇღ♥ wut ♥ღஇڿڰۣ✿ digesthisickness's Avatar
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    in situations such as this, i can see how 'normal' NT behavior can be easily confused with how someone usually acts when they're not interested.

    i'd advise sending naughty pics to his email around the middle of the week.
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  4. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by IZthe411 View Post
    Not and NF but an IXTX male.

    I didn't read the whole thread, but if you have not yet clearly expressed this to him, do so. Show him you are serious.

    He may not need the constant connection at this point in your relationship but sounds like there should be at least some contact mid-week, because you need it.

    I was like that with my ex. Since most days after work the last thing I want to do is be on the phone. Unless there's a specific need for me to be on it, I won't, and unless you are the initiator in this area, he might never get it.
    If she does, she needs to make sure she doesn't express herself per the OP. Emotional barfing and chronic insecurity are a turn off for most people.

    Everyone leaps to condemn the INTP and sympathise with the OP but there are a lot of qualities expressed there that are less than admirable and might be a clue as to why the relationship is failing to meet expectations. Envy, self-loathing, resentment, issues with power and control in the relationship, inability to communicate expectations, expecting partner to be telepathic. Meh.
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  5. #35
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    they will become stubborn mules and absolutely intractable if they feel like you're forcing them to do something.



    If you're looking for more attentiveness it's going to have to be an internal revelation they reach on their own. Or, and once again I'm going to be honest, you've got to be very subtle in how you "get" them to do better. My INFJ friend's boyfriend is ISTP and she's had to sit and ponder strategies to make him more attentive towards her...how to switch a light on inside of him to pay attention to their relationship.

    Both are true. I recognize this about myself, and since it's not something I'm prone to do, I think that's a quality a girl should possess; a subtle way to get what you want. No trickery; just having the ability to draw out these otherwise dormant abilities I have. I would respect it.

    If it's done directly and it's put in a way where I'm feeling forced I'll buck. It's not from a bad place, but who likes to be forced or tricked.

  6. #36
    failure to thrive AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
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    I'm sorry to say this, but it doesn't sound like the makings for a good, healthy ltr. Unless you were going to become poly or something and have your needs met by someone else, that are lacking from your INTP. It just shouldn't be that hard at the beginning. It should be easy now, for it WILL get hard later.
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  7. #37
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Morgan Le Fay View Post
    Everyone leaps to condemn the INTP and sympathise with the OP but there are a lot of qualities expressed there that are less than admirable and might be a clue as to why the relationship is failing to meet expectations. Envy, self-loathing, resentment, issues with power and control in the relationship, inability to communicate expectations, expecting partner to be telepathic. Meh.
    The last two are the danger points in my opinion, since she's here talking to us instead of talking to him. I'm supposing the goal is to get feedback, as she doesn't want to make a mistake, but in the end they're going to have to talk about it or nothing will ever get resolved.

    The rest, it seems pretty clear she loathes having those negative feelings of envy and resentment and isn't trying to foster them, and specifically was asking how to change herself to better understand and accommodate his needs.

    *shrug*

    Relationships don't work unless they work for both people.

    Quote Originally Posted by digesthisickness View Post
    i'd advise sending naughty pics to his email around the middle of the week.
    If he doesn't respond to that, sunshine, you'd be advised to just quit while you're ahead.
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  8. #38
    movin melodies kiddykat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by aphrodite-gone-awry View Post
    Unless you were going to become poly or something and have your needs met by someone else, that are lacking from your INTP. It just shouldn't be that hard at the beginning. It should be easy now, for it WILL get hard later.
    True. So true. Each step is a pre-req for the next.

    If it's murky now, then how would it be like later on when life gets tough when the road gets rockier?

    I'd still at least say something just to clear the air.

  9. #39
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Morgan Le Fay View Post
    If she does, she needs to make sure she doesn't express herself per the OP. Emotional barfing and chronic insecurity are a turn off for most people.

    Everyone leaps to condemn the INTP and sympathise with the OP but there are a lot of qualities expressed there that are less than admirable and might be a clue as to why the relationship is failing to meet expectations. Envy, self-loathing, resentment, issues with power and control in the relationship, inability to communicate expectations, expecting partner to be telepathic. Meh.

    That I agree with. It has to be direct and clear and the less emotional it is the clearer the picture.

    I thought this was an IXFX thing only. Interesting it happens with Es as well.

  10. #40
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    It's an NFJ thing. I find INFPs are actually a lot more emotionally self-contained.

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