User Tag List

First 12345 Last

Results 21 to 30 of 73

  1. #21
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    FREE
    Enneagram
    594 sx/sp
    Socionics
    LII Ne
    Posts
    42,333

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by spamtar View Post
    Maybe you should find another boyfriend to keep you company during the week.
    Niiiiiiice.

    (Or wait... was this a volunteer move?)



    Quote Originally Posted by Zoom View Post
    It's just a thought (I'm an IxTP, for reference), but one surefire way with me to initiate conversation even if I'm off in la-la land and not interested in the existence of humanity is to bring up topics I'm interested in intellectually. I can smell false enthusiasm a mile away, but a quiet "I just wrote a story, *what do you think of the plot?" would be golden. I love connecting with certain people, just more on an intellectual plane normally.
    There's that. Those things are good; and YES, there's a 'smell' around false enthusiasm and/or just making small talk that can be initially repulsive.

    Strictly emotional, talking about how one's day is contact would be draining for me.
    That too. I think I was approaching my mid-30's before I began to appreciate someone coming up and unloading the details of their day on me. Before that time I literally felt my life and energy seeping out through my toes in the first 1-3 minutes of such narratives...

    I think another issue is that we describing the legendary and trademark detachment of the ITP. All information is detached from the person bearing it and weighed for accuracy/truth/consistency. The EFJs here seem to be viewing information naturally as connected and unable to be detached from the speaker, which is sort of the opposite of the ITP. The ITP's natural bent is VERY useful in terms of evaluating information for consistency and content-truth; however, it is naturally detrimental if the whole point of the exchange was a personal (rather than an informative) one.

    This is why ITPs doesn't bother texting back, without being more well-rounded. The information itself is parsed, while the relational aspect is ignored/dismissed in order to remove bias. I think if one can get a sense of relationships having different goals, thus changing the context, then things can work; but if the ITP does not leave the instinctive frame for information exchanges, they'll shirk the relational aspects.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  2. #22
    Senior Member LeafAndSky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    MBTI
    ISFP
    Posts
    308

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    This is why ITPs doesn't bother texting back, without being more well-rounded. The information itself is parsed, while the relational aspect is ignored/dismissed in order to remove bias.

    Ah, thank you for that! THIS is why my child doesn't text back or e-mail back. It's not like I contact him too often or 'frivolously,' and he apparently does read what I send, and we have a very good relationship.

  3. #23
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    9w1
    Socionics
    INFj None
    Posts
    9,827

    Default

    Everything Protean says is true.

    Don't let the INTP thing be an excuse to not keep up his end of the relationship. One person doesn't get things all their own way. Negotiation and compromise and humoring should be a two-way street.

    It's okay to ask to be humored. It's not okay for him to decide that just because he thinks something isn't important to him that he isn't going to do it. If he loves you and you've made it clear that it's important to you, he will make an effort to humor you.

    If he can't do that, he's not good relationship material and should be kicked to the curb regardless of his MBTI type.

    If my husband wasn't rock solid ethically and didn't love me like Monk loves Trudy, I would have probably killed him years ago.

    FWIW, my husband does love his mother and sister, but if they didn't contact him, he would probably go years without contacting them. It just doesn't occur to him. I've tried to encourage contact, but in this area I've learned to mind my own business.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  4. #24
    movin melodies kiddykat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    4, 7
    Socionics
    IEE
    Posts
    1,115

    Default

    Agreed w/all of the above advices. Sometimes, it takes a little bit of clarification, in a defenseless way? If we love our partners, we need to be upfront and tell them what really bothers us, so that as a team, we can figure out what's wrong.

    Then there comes to a point in a relationship where MBTI doesn't matter. What becomes more important is the basic premises of:

    1. Do we have much in common? If so- wouldn't it be evident through our communication?

    2. Is there a sense of thereness? Connectedness? Is it natural? Forced? Do I feel eye-to-eye validation? Do I feel held or left dangling?

    3. More importantly, am I recognized in this relationship?

    There is only so much a person can handle. Complete disregard isn't one of them. If he loves you, then after opening up, if there are actions to back it up, then great. If not then it will be evident. I also ask myself: "Is this relationship adding to my life? Is it helping me to become a better me?"

  5. #25
    meh Salomé's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w4 sx/sp
    Posts
    10,540

    Default

    Why must Fs be attracted to the very qualities that they find so repellent?
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  6. #26
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    1w2 so/sx
    Posts
    11,134

    Default

    Why? Because they wish they could be like that sometimes and because other positive qualities go with the negative ones.

  7. #27
    meh Salomé's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w4 sx/sp
    Posts
    10,540

    Default

    Being with != being like
    You'd think people would figure this stuff out by puberty.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  8. #28
    movin melodies kiddykat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    4, 7
    Socionics
    IEE
    Posts
    1,115

    Default

    Similar to why some T's find F's attractive for equivocal reasons?

    Sometimes through trial and error, we learn more about what we want and don't want.

    Opposites attract, and in other cases, birds of a similar feather flock together. We're human. We are complex..

  9. #29
    meh Salomé's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w4 sx/sp
    Posts
    10,540

    Default

    I dunno so much. I see a lot of threads where Fs (men and women) are complaining about Ts, I can't recall any the other way around. I like Fs, but I don't go on to berate them for the qualities that attracted me in the first place. That would be illogical.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  10. #30
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Posts
    2,591

    Default

    Not and NF but an IXTX male.

    I didn't read the whole thread, but if you have not yet clearly expressed this to him, do so. Show him you are serious.

    He may not need the constant connection at this point in your relationship but sounds like there should be at least some contact mid-week, because you need it.

    I was like that with my ex. Since most days after work the last thing I want to do is be on the phone. Unless there's a specific need for me to be on it, I won't, and unless you are the initiator in this area, he might never get it.

Similar Threads

  1. [ENFJ] Trying to get an ENFJ to listen
    By Malkavia in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 29
    Last Post: 04-19-2016, 09:16 AM
  2. idiots trying to make things better, but just fucking things up
    By INTP in forum Science, Technology, and Future Tech
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 01-06-2012, 05:44 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO