Just recently I got myself out of a messy situation with a group of friends that I once placed in very high regards, I am still in the process of recovering from the feelings of rejection, betrayal, and emptiness.
And that brought me to think... am I just bad at judging people's characters?
Usually when I meet somebody I get a "sense" of that person..a certain intuition associated with him/her. This "sense" incorporates all those elements in a personality like maturity, fun, warmth, and depth, etc. And I do get negative vibes from people too, for example, if I get a sense that the person is a show-off, know-it-all, that's an immediate deal breaker and I will actively create a situation where only superficial interchanges are possible between us. Other negative vibes don't bother me as much.
I have always thought of myself as a mind-reader capable of providing insights into a person's inner-most characteristics. But I realized, with those few that I especially care about (whether it be close friends or a boyfriend), I ignore the negative signals altogether.
So far I've only had a 2-year relationship and a 2 month hookup (both a miserable failure at the end). My ex in the 2-year relationship was definitely not known as the nice person, in fact he annoyed and got onto people's nerves all the times. I wanted things to go somewhere with my hookup, but he had so many problems himself and was so ill, I should have expected it when he lied to my face and tossed me out the window in favor of the next girl.
The signs were there all along that they were not a good match for me. But with both of them I kept on focusing on their good attributes, while turning a blind eye on their shortcomings, convincing myself that those flaws (in my opinion) that I notice are only inconsequential...when in fact they are NOT!!! Only after I get my heart broken that I realize how big of a factor their character flaw contributed to the dysfunctional relationship, but by then it's too late because I am already hurt (and still attached).
I want to learn how I can recognize early in the development in the relationship that there are some fundamental character flaws in this person that I will not be able to tolerate, so I do not have to become so attached and care so much about the person in futility. I want to be able to identify whether this person is a good person or a bad person (for me), because once I become attached, I can convince myself to overlook pretty much any flaws in their characters, and only be able to analyze where it went wrong in retrospect (and get hurt).