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  1. #71
    Freshman Member simulatedworld's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elaur View Post
    I really don't see anything awful in the OP, I have read it a few times and just don't get what the big deal is. Dealing with other people without leading them on is something an ENFP *does* have to learn.
    The problem is that it's framed in a "gosh I have no idea why this happens to me; it's everyone else's problem because they're too clingy and I'm just way too awesome for them to handle!" kind of way, rather than a "I have a problem with leading people on too much and I need to work on it" kind of way.

    The blame is projected elsewhere.
    If you could be anything you want, I bet you'd be disappointed--am I right?

  2. #72
    heart on fire
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    Lol.

    You've missed my point completely. And your example makes little sense in comparison with mine because my post was not about extraversion or anything inherent in the ENFP personality type, but certain behaviors that some ENFPs willingly display.
    Yes, not about E verses I at all. An INFP could do the same thing, on a lesser scale.

  3. #73
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    Quote Originally Posted by Heart&Brain View Post
    Very good post, Marmalade!

    To get through the maze of maturing our intense aux-Fi, we may follow different paths (I was more scared and less smug about it than OP), but at some point we will all have to own it and use it well.

    But couldn't that be the case with tert-Fi as well, only with delay?

    How about this idea: When an IxTJ comes of age, say 30-40-ish, he might display the same pattern as you had in high school (or other disaster-stories of young ENFPs with a poor mastery of Fi...) That'd be tertiary Fi getting into puberty and we'll see IxTJs experimenting with this weird effect they can have on others, occasionally becoming more popular than they can handle? While not yet knowing how to control such effects, thus not yet ready to accept having choices wrt the different flavors of connections they enter, they still do get some halfbaked ambivalent thrill out of it.
    "Hey Ni-boss, look at this, I can ride my Fiiiii...!" **CRASH**

    Not that they'll admit it easily...

  4. #74
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    Quote Originally Posted by simulatedworld View Post
    The problem is that it's framed in a "gosh I have no idea why this happens to me; it's everyone else's problem because they're too clingy and I'm just way too awesome for them to handle!" kind of way, rather than a "I have a problem with leading people on too much and I need to work on it" kind of way.

    The blame is projected elsewhere.
    word.

  5. #75
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    yeah i get people relating to the op's experience of relating well to people...maybe experiencing their friendliness being misunderstood...i get that...but ffs woman!! be appreciative of your natural ability to build a rapport with people. complaining about it is just poor taste imo.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  6. #76
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    Yes, and refusing to take responsibility for it after becoming aware of it (as OP clearly has) is kind of like someone having a sweet tooth ... or even a problem with alcohol ...and continuing to binge on sweets or get drunk more often than they should while expecting to be exempted sheerly for being aware that it's something they do. No. You don't just take responsibility for it verbally, you learn to think about what you're doing to other people, and curb it in a bit.
    Yeah. This. I think last year the ENFP flirt thread highlighted this for me. It made me step back and pay very careful attention to my own behavior.

    I spent a significant amount of time trying to understand if I was actually manipulating people-which is wrong in my book-or just making their day brighter?

    Some of both. I made people care about me which by default makes me care about them, so I end up obligated-yet what do i owe them? What am I seeking from them? Guilt...

    When I get super Ne, I actually will hop from office to office "connecting" aka seeking validation of emotional connections. People like it, I brighten their day and it's fun, but yeah.. that dark side huh, once I understood what I was doing? Luckliy due to having the Fi of a four year old, I come across as less sexy kitten and more cracked out preschooler so dont tend to confuse others as being flirty.


    How much of being an ENFP is about having some very natural pre-programmed innate skill sets-that we have learn to use properly? Do we hurt others out of intent or out of obliviousness?

  7. #77
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Happy Puppy View Post
    Yeah. This. I think last year the ENFP flirt thread highlighted this for me. It made me step back and pay very careful attention to my own behavior.

    I spent a significant amount of time trying to understand if I was actually manipulating people-which is wrong in my book-or just making their day brighter?

    Some of both. I made people care about me which by default makes me care about them, so I end up obligated-yet what do i owe them? What am I seeking from them? Guilt...

    When I get super Ne, I actually will hop from office to office "connecting" aka seeking validation of emotional connections. People like it, I brighten their day and it's fun, but yeah.. that dark side huh, once I understood what I was doing? Luckliy due to having the Fi of a four year old, I come across as less sexy kitten and more cracked out preschooler so dont tend to confuse others as being flirty.


    How much of being an ENFP is about having some very natural pre-programmed innate skill sets-that we have learn to use properly? Do we hurt others out of intent or out of obliviousness?
    hurt people? who says we're hurting people? yeah i don't know that i feel the way we relate to people is bad...what's wrong with being friendly?
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  8. #78
    That's my name biotch! JoSunshine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze View Post
    I think one thing to keep in mind is that your own lived experience is not necessarily the same for everyone else. It's normal to project and filter our own experience when we read other's stories, it's how people relate and understand their world.
    Excellent point. I was thinking the same thing. I feel like many more questions should have been asked of the OP's experience before moving straight to a conclusion.

    Quote Originally Posted by simulatedworld View Post
    It reminds me of ridiculously attractive women who complain about how much it sucks to be ridiculously attractive.
    I would think being a ridiculously attractive woman would come with a whole set of challenges, just like being famous or rich or even popluar comes with challenges. There is a flip side to everything if you take the time to consider it.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. " - Dr. Seuss
    I can't spell...get over it

    Slightly ENFJ, totally JoSunshine
    Extroverted (E) 52.5%........Introverted (I) 47.5%
    Intuitive (N) 65.63%..........Sensing (S) 34.38%
    Feeling (F) 55.56%............Thinking (T) 44.44%
    Judging (J) 51.43%............Perceiving (P) 48.57%

  9. #79
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    hurt people? who says we're hurting people? yeah i don't know that i feel the way we relate to people is bad...what's wrong with being friendly?
    Sorry I kinda skipped steps in that last q. I think our typically MO of sweetness doesnt hurt people-but it can confuse other people sometimes. Out of that confusion can come hurt or a feeling the other person was manipulated i think. But in reality we were just doing what we do??? I dunno.

  10. #80
    Freshman Member simulatedworld's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JoSunshine View Post
    I would think being a ridiculously attractive woman would come with a whole set of challenges, just like being famous or rich or even popluar comes with challenges. There is a flip side to everything if you take the time to consider it.
    Uh huh, and I'm sure being a billionaire sucks because your taxes are more complicated. Somehow I don't feel sorry for billionaires.

    Quote Originally Posted by Psychology Today
    A 2007 study by Daniel Hamermesh and Jeff Biddle published in the Journal of Labor Economics revealed that attractive folks earned 5 percent more in hourly wages than their average-looking counterparts. Attractive people also earned 9 percent more per hour than the plainest people (uglies).

    A quick breakdown:

    The beautiful ones: $42,000
    Average Joes: $40,000
    The uglies: $36,400

    The research also indicated that the uglies were also less likely to receive promotions at work compared to their more attractive colleagues.

    In schools, better-looking professors get better-looking evaluations from students. Even babies prefer pretty faces to not-so-pretty ones.

    There may be negative things about being ridiculously attractive, but they're grossly outweighed by the positives, so nobody cares.
    If you could be anything you want, I bet you'd be disappointed--am I right?

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