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  1. #161
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SillySapienne View Post
    I'm a little confused by your wording.

    I have "ephemeral" conversations with random peeps, and what I think you're meaning by ephemeral is fun and fleeting encounters, no?

    I think most extroverts do.

    Where I am getting lost and confused is by how you distinguish emotional connection between/from meaningful emotional connection.



    If I feel emotionally connected to someone, that connection will be and feel meaningful to me, even if that someone doesn't reciprocate that feeling. (Example, unrequited love)

    When I let someone one in, and like and understand and relate to what I receive from them, get the essence of who they are, even while during a relatively short period of time, I'll inevitably feel a kinship with this person, an emotional bond, an intimacy, a closeness.

    I can't recall the many times I've connected with people in the strangest and most mundane contexts.

    This exchange is like an existential hug.

    Exactly..that was my point too. The way I behave with people is genuine so if there was some bonding going on..if that interaction felt meaningful to them it would to me as well..but sure a lot of interactions are light. I may occasionally meet people when going out or have light friendly interactions with people but I really don't understand the confusion as to the importance but that's just my experience
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  2. #162
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    Exactly..that was my point too. The way I behave with people is genuine so if there was some bonding going on..if that interaction felt meaningful to them it would to me as well..but sure a lot of interactions are light. I may occasionally meet people when going out or have light friendly interactions with people but I really don't understand the confusion as to the importance but that's just my experience
    I think this happens to many ENFX.

  3. #163
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SillySapienne View Post
    That's how real intuition works!!!

    At any given momemt, there are so many stimuli/signals/symbols that we receive and, at times, miraculously sort out/synthesize, subconsciously in our heads, but, at that time, we don't cognitively, or linearly understand what our gut feeling is telling us.

    Regardless, I have learned to damn near ALWAYS listen to my gut feeling/intuition it's a freakishly accurate barometer of sifting out truth from bullshit, lying from deceit, hell, this feeling even procures correct answers on multiple choice exams. (When I over-analyze the questions and the four potential answers I tend to fuck myself over, so it's best to go with my gut)

    I think Ne + Fi or Ti has this exceptional knack for synthesizing multi-faceted chunks of information, this is just a personal theory, but... yeah.
    This is why I can troubleshoot so well at work. I can also see a massive 30,000 foot view of problems. My ENTP says her ENFP VP is very similar. We both can "see" stuff other people cant then get kinda snippy as we will have a gut intuition and understand the problem, but Ti cannot move forward without identifying detailed issues-thus we frustrate the engineers and ourselves. We have an air of "expediency" about our actions. Which gives the NTPs anxiety attacks.

    I thought it was NeTe but there is something funny going on with Fi as well. I think Fi is meant to mirror complex emo in others, then use that mirrored emo to help form rule sets-values over time. I cant use Fi on individual people-but I will feel distinct emotive responses as I look at patterns or think through complex troubleshooting. It's almost like I feel the problem with an aura of sorts that extends out of my chest. Fi seems very kinesthetic to me-it wants to "touch" what I am currently trying to understand. I need to "feel" the problem.

    I spent today looking at people's eyes as I walked around the city. It evokes immediate emotive responses so i have to break eye contact within seconds. Looking at them without Te-it is like physically touching them.

  4. #164
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    It's crazy yeah.I always look at people in the eyes and it does feel intimate for just a second. Like transfering our thoughts and emotional states for just a bit. I don't know I feel like I just pick up a lot of emotional information from people so much so that physical contact can be too much if their information is too intense. If that makes sense.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  5. #165
    Happy Dancer uumlau's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Happy Puppy View Post
    This is why I can troubleshoot so well at work. I can also see a massive 30,000 foot view of problems. My ENTP says her ENFP VP is very similar. We both can "see" stuff other people cant then get kinda snippy as we will have a gut intuition and understand the problem, but Ti cannot move forward without identifying detailed issues-thus we frustrate the engineers and ourselves. We have an air of "expediency" about our actions. Which gives the NTPs anxiety attacks.
    Oh, don't worry about that air of expediency: that's just your inner xNTJ, who has already figured out your problem for you, and is ready to execute. It helps to focus on Te at that point, because it's Te that is good at presenting facts and details and showing how they all fit together into a coherent whole, cf. my video in another thread.

    I thought it was NeTe but there is something funny going on with Fi as well. I think Fi is meant to mirror complex emo in others, then use that mirrored emo to help form rule sets-values over time. I cant use Fi on individual people-but I will feel distinct emotive responses as I look at patterns or think through complex troubleshooting. It's almost like I feel the problem with an aura of sorts that extends out of my chest. Fi seems very kinesthetic to me-it wants to "touch" what I am currently trying to understand. I need to "feel" the problem.
    I think there is both N and Fi things going on here. I fully understand needing to "feel" the problem. That "feeling" is what tells me whether or not I've figured it out. I think it's much more N than Fi, though. N is the perceiving function that is doing the "feeling": but it's N-feeling, not Fi-feeling.

    I should know: my Fi, especially recently, is a very different beast. I've been able to "feel" problems since forever. Fi feels people. It understands myself, then through that understanding begins to understand others. I've only recently begun to be able to feel people.

    I spent today looking at people's eyes as I walked around the city. It evokes immediate emotive responses so i have to break eye contact within seconds. Looking at them without Te-it is like physically touching them.
    I understand this Fi-feeling of other people. It isn't in the eye contact, though. It's more like I get this feeling of who they are, what they're about. I don't read their mind or their emotions, but their essence. I can find that essence and then, what I try to do, is "touch" it in a caring, attentive way. With the dancing, it is easy to do: dance for a while, use a few simple rules to keep the conversation low-key and tame. Then, on a gut-instinct level, I just guess what I need to say that will reach out from within me and touch their essence, warming it. The whole time, of course, I keep Te turned off, except for special friends. Te says things that are harsh, no matter how helpful. I focus on warm, not harsh. Dancing is supposed to be fun, for entertainment. For me, it's also a skill I try to perfect, and my Te goes into overdrive figuring out what is happening correctly/incorrectly, but if I say what Te is doing out loud, that's a recipe for trouble.

    At my best, however, I use it all together. For example, the most common mistake a new follower will make is to take large steps. When moving fast, to take large steps is the correct course of action to move efficiently for most tasks, but dancing is very different. Dancers dance quickly by taking small steps, staying close to one's partner. So, I'll say, "Smaller steps. Take smaller steps. That's why it feels so funny right now. Smaller steps will make it feel right," while trying to evoke as much warmth as I can. It's like touching them with my feelings. Since taking the advice usually works, I say afterward, "See? It feels better, now, right?"

    The whole time, the picture in my head is one of gently holding the other's essence, gently nudging in a certain "direction" to learn something new. Curiously, this is also how leading in dancing works. One moves oneself, and through moving one's own body, leads one's partner smoothly and cleanly: very much an Fi metaphor. Te, on the other hand, is like trying to lead with one's hands: for most purposes, moving your hands and arms is the best way to manipulate things in the world around you, but in dancing, it's bad, because it's usually very jerky and harsh. Hands move much faster than most people can move their bodies. The fastest runner runs maybe 30 mph, but the fastest pitcher can throw a ball 100+ mph. By leading with one's body, one's whole self, one makes sure that one's partner can keep pace.

  6. #166
    Senior Member pyramid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    It's crazy yeah.I always look at people in the eyes and it does feel intimate for just a second. Like transfering our thoughts and emotional states for just a bit. I don't know I feel like I just pick up a lot of emotional information from people so much so that physical contact can be too much if their information is too intense. If that makes sense.
    yep I completely identify it as someone's energy.. ENFP likeness to a whale or something sending out songs/vibrations/current emo state and being able to receive the same from others. the eye contact is pretty intense for me, I feel a lot quickly.. kinda at a loss to describe my Fi in this situation.. surprise surprise
    PURE LOVE ENFP. IEE. 9w1 (0). Saggitarius. Jupiter! FIRE!

    ~It is only the benevolent man who is capable of liking or disliking other men.
    - Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance.
    ~Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change.
    - Learn as though you would never be able to master it; hold it as though you would be in fear of losing it.

  7. #167
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pyramid View Post
    yep I completely identify it as someone's energy.. ENFP likeness to a whale or something sending out songs/vibrations/current emo state and being able to receive the same from others. the eye contact is pretty intense for me, I feel a lot quickly.. kinda at a loss to describe my Fi in this situation.. surprise surprise
    see i know! i'm horrible at it! was just trying last night with a friend...it's so frustrating!
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  8. #168
    Senior Member pyramid's Avatar
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    Lady, you should throw you two cents into my new ENFP thread about describing Fi please! :redface:
    PURE LOVE ENFP. IEE. 9w1 (0). Saggitarius. Jupiter! FIRE!

    ~It is only the benevolent man who is capable of liking or disliking other men.
    - Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance.
    ~Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change.
    - Learn as though you would never be able to master it; hold it as though you would be in fear of losing it.

  9. #169
    likes this gromit's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pyramid View Post
    Lady, you should throw you two cents into my new ENFP thread about describing Fi please! :redface:
    Which is it???

  10. #170
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Esoteric Wench View Post
    I've come to realize that I have a particularly salient talent for making people from all walks of life feel comfortable in my presence. Redneck or college professor (and in my home state the two are not mutually exclusive, but I digress), people from all walks of life can feel like my best friend after only one to two conversations.

    I would characterize such conversations as ephemeral. And yet, I'm obviously having a more significant emotional impact on these people than I realize or intend.

    So here's my question to other ENFPs and those who love them...

    How do you balance your innate ability to establish emotional connections with other people with your desire to have MEANINGFUL emotional connections with others? Are you aware that what seems like a casual emotional connection for you, may seem to have more import for the other person? And, if so then what do you do about this?

    Please discuss.

    - Esoteric Wench
    Not that it matters but I don't see anything wrong with this post and am kind of surprised it's gotten so attacked.

    You sound like my ENFP friend. She's a little cocky but I think this is because she knows having people connect to her is a strength of hers. It's not bragging. It's just a fact.

    I see it all the time with ENFP. People just love her - immediately and they are very possessive about it. At times, I can see that she might use her ability for getting what she wants out of a person or situation. Her Te is very strong.

    I can't tell you what a MEANINGFUL connection is to her except that giving her the ability to be herself and not judge her is really important to her and if you do this she is a very loyal and devoted friend.
    ~luck favors the ready~


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