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  1. #21
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sky is BLUE! View Post
    At all?!?!? That is all!!!!!!! When something like that happens, it's just awful. It's not like you'd be bawling your eyes out all the time but it's something that stays with you, I would say, forever. You don't constantly think about it but it's still there and the feelings associated with it can emerge whenever and then it's just...sad beyond belief. The doubts, all the questions circling your mind from time to time, wondering what mistakes were made, blaming yourself and all that.


    Oops.



  2. #22
    Kraken down on piracy Lux's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JocktheMotie View Post
    NFJs, does someone falling out of your life affect you at all?
    Well, like anyone, I would think it depended on the person. For myself, if it is a mutual distancing, then the effect is minimal. As long as the person stays cordial, I don't mind too much.

    If however, it is a falling that I don't want, I basically see it as a rejection of me (fortunately, I have only dealt with this once,) which is an entirely different matter. It hurt tremendously, and made me question myself, which was actually good if I look at it that way.

    I will say I am still friends with that person. Not close, but it's okay the way it is. For myself, time can heal everything.
    "It is not length of life, but depth of life." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

    "Thought breeds thought." ~ Henry David Thoreau

  3. #23
    That's my name biotch! JoSunshine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JocktheMotie View Post
    NFJs, does someone falling out of your life affect you at all?
    Big time if I do indeed love that person.

    I LOVE all my close, long-term friends. True, dear, platonic love. It's hard to explain, but it is a true-blue, not-working-out-our-issues-is-not-an-option-becuase-we-are-bound-like-family. My feelings for them runs deep - down to the marrow of my bones.

    For me, these kinds of bonds are created over time. The common thread among the friends I love, is that there is a concerted effort to understand the other person, to be responsive to the other persons' needs and to be pretty darn close to 100% reliable. I know that no matter how big of a fight I get in with them (and there have been some hum-dingers), that we will work things out...there is pretty close to zero fear of rejection or abandonment even when we see each other at our worst.

    If you want to love me, listen to me, understand me, feel free to criticize what I do, but don't attack who I am (character assasinations = no no). I also like for people to tell me how they feel, hugs are great, making time for me means everything, being responsive (even if it is to tell me no, I can't I won't) means the world (ignoring me = withdrawl).

    Overall, feeling safe to be vulernable and feeling like I can depend on you, will endear me more than anything.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. " - Dr. Seuss
    I can't spell...get over it

    Slightly ENFJ, totally JoSunshine
    Extroverted (E) 52.5%........Introverted (I) 47.5%
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    Judging (J) 51.43%............Perceiving (P) 48.57%

  4. #24
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Find their love language and enneagram type.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  5. #25
    That's my name biotch! JoSunshine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by copperfish17 View Post
    TBH, lately I've started to distance myself from the E/INFJ (it's just my need for temporary emotional withdrawal kicking in) and I think they're taking it harder than I meant for it to be...
    Can't speak for all, for me you HAVE to tell me what is going on and what you need from me...specifically. I need directness, not passivness.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. " - Dr. Seuss
    I can't spell...get over it

    Slightly ENFJ, totally JoSunshine
    Extroverted (E) 52.5%........Introverted (I) 47.5%
    Intuitive (N) 65.63%..........Sensing (S) 34.38%
    Feeling (F) 55.56%............Thinking (T) 44.44%
    Judging (J) 51.43%............Perceiving (P) 48.57%

  6. #26
    Symbolic Herald Vasilisa's Avatar
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    An INFJ could probably understand/possibly relate to a need for withdrawal, but as was stated above it will probably require a one-on-one conversation or even correspondence. You might have to reveal your history of withdrawing and why it is necessary to your emotional well-being.

    Ways to show an INFJ special appreciation:
    - Don't take them for granted. Notice them and the things they say. Not everything, but a lot of what we choose to express has significance. I feel like I am able to remember so much of what other people share with me, even casual conversations, but others won't even remember important things I share with them.
    - Tell your INFJ in a genuine way how uniquely interesting your find her.
    - Don't share private information she shared with you.
    - Is there something the two of you have in common that maybe the rest of your big group of friends aren't as interested in? Maybe do something related to that, just the two of you. Create some special memories/jokes that began with just you two.
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  7. #27
    Senior Member copperfish17's Avatar
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    Again, thanks all of you wonderful NFJ's for your great inputs.

    So, the consensus here seems to be that NFJ's need people to express their own thoughts/emotions... Now that's something I'm notoriously bad at. Go figure. My Fe's retarded (I'm consciously trying to improve it though).

    Hmm... how honest are you E/INFJ's when it comes to answering questions like "What do you really think about me (or a certain behavior pattern I have)?"

    Actually... I think I can see how that would be a bad strategy from the get-go.

    Keep the answers coming! I would love to hear from a couple more ENFJ's. Keep the INFJ's coming too!
    Enneagram: 5w4 5-9-2 (5w4 9w1 2w1) sp/so

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  8. #28
    Glycerine
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    ^ I SUCK AT GIVING CRITICISM unless someone pisses me off. The times I have given criticism (not when I'm mad), I have offended some folks.
    For me, personally, if someone pops in my life once in a while and tells me that they were thinking about me, I usually feel loved. It only has to be about 4-6 times a year and I'm good. This holds mainly true w/ close friends not casual friends.

  9. #29
    Lungs & Lips Locked Unkindloving's Avatar
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    When it comes to ENFJs, i don't think there's a special guideline to follow. You can simply say you care and love us, but be sure to specify what you mean by it. Personally, i read into feelings and need to know what is friendship-love or actual-love. It's easier to be told when romantic attraction isn't a possibility.
    Try to understand us, inquire about us, and be open to us. We will appreciate all of that so much even if we resist an inquiry at first. I feel cared about when my friends inquire, especially if i haven't openly admitted something. Very few people know me, so the surprise that they might is heart-warming.
    A good amount of verbal/non-verbal affection is appreciated, but not necessary. The best i've felt is when the affection is unexpected and not overdone. It doesn't need to be constant, but ideally it should have an impact.
    ENFJs are generally pretty affectionate and social. We'll inquire about you, but if we like you we'll radiate a different kind of warmth and possibly let you deeper into our own world than other people.

    A good tip is that ENFJs each seem to have their own language. If you can tap into it and manage to tell us your feelings in a form that mimics it... oh man
    I've only had an INTP, INFP, and ENFP figure that out well enough to get my heart all a-flutter.
    Quote Originally Posted by JocktheMotie View Post
    NFJs, does someone falling out of your life affect you at all?
    I feel slightly uneasy when an acquaintance drops out of my life, but will handle it.
    Anyone that i view as important and love to any degree is an entirely different matter. It makes me feel undervalued or as though i overvalue my friendships. It also breaks my trust and can be a blow to my subjective life purpose (interactions with others).
    I'm a firm believer in being able to work out most things. I'll feel an emptiness for a long time if a situation ended for no reason or due to being blown out of proportion.
    Quote Originally Posted by copperfish17 View Post
    Hmm... how honest are you E/INFJ's when it comes to answering questions like "What do you really think about me (or a certain behavior pattern I have)?"
    I'm pretty honest about it, but i would imagine that a lot of ENFJs like to keep the peace more when it comes to their opinions of others.
    I'll put a negative opinion in a positive light, either attaching a solution or focusing on a useful trait while still getting the thought across.
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  10. #30
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    For my ENFJ friends (most of whom are male), I show them I appreciate them by valuing their opinions and trusting their taste. This seems to be important to them. If they recommend a book or band or movie to me and I make the effort to check it out and return with an opinion, they are very flattered. They like to feel influential.

    They also like to hear they are your "best" friend of some kind, or the "most" in some area. You don't have to call them your best friend if they are not, but if you say something like, "you have the best music taste of all my friends; I can always count on you to recommend something awesome to me", then they eat it up. I had a joke where I told an ENFJ friend he was my favorite [insert name] in all the world, and he really liked it. This is probably most true of enneagram 3 ENFJs though (or w/ a 3 wing).

    Otherwise, I have followed their lead in expressing friendly feeling. ENFJs are pros at it, and I've learned to express positive feeling and to compliment my friends more easily by observing them. It used to make me feel awkward and vulnerable to do so, but I've learned to be less intense and clumsy by adopting their style.

    If I disappear for a bit because I need some introverting space, then I just make it clear upon return that I've been busy and that I've missed talking to them so they don't feel forgotten. This is still a major weak spot for me in friendships though....
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

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