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  1. #11
    Senior Member Chunes's Avatar
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    There's this thing called platonic love at which, I have found, INFJs particularly excel.

    That saidone way to my INFJ's heart is through her stomach. She's very skilled at identifying and pointing out the ways I've tailored the dish especially for her. MBTI theory would not seem fit to describe how to love someone. There are so many ways to show love.

    The best way is also the most obvious: find some way to express your sentiments, then observe the reaction. It's a gradual process, but the most accurate. Try different things. See which things elicit the strongest positive reactions.
    "If you would convince a man that he does wrong, do right. But do not care to convince him. Men will believe what they see. Let them see."
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  2. #12
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chunes View Post
    There's this thing called platonic love at which, I have found, INFJs particularly excel.
    I can't imagine a use for this. Erotic love or GTFO!

    I don't even know what a platonic love would consist of, don't think I've ever had one.



  3. #13
    Senior Member copperfish17's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JocktheMotie View Post
    If it's not romantic, why do you care? I'm lost.
    I care because I treasure the relationships I have with the ENFJ and INFJ in question. Yes, neither of them is romantic. Nevertheless, both the ENFJ and the INFJ are very, very special to me in ways that I cannot possibly articulate... (Well, correction: I probably can, but it would take too much time and effort on my part. ) Our relationships... well, how should I put it? It's like a (pseudo) family more than anything else. Supporting each other through hard times, being on each other's side no matter what (this is something I only do with the E/INFJ in question; everyone else must be prepared to take some TTLY SRS impersonal analysis)... all that good stuff.

    My purpose for creating this thread was to learn more about ENFJ's and INFJ's (especially in terms of personal interactions). I want to treat my E/INFJ well; I want to avoid hurting them at all costs; I want them to like me as much as I like them; I want to learn how to avoid T and F clashes; I want to be able to tell if they're happy or not with how I am treating them... and so on so forth. I guess it all boils down to this: I just want to learn about E/INFJ's for the "bettering" of my relationship with them.

    Thank you so much all of you who have posted thus far! I really appreciate all of your inputs, and I've perused all of your responses.

    ...I'm most definitely a T, btw. I swear!

    Have you other NTP's never experienced platonic love before?! You guys are really missing out.
    Last edited by copperfish17; 03-15-2010 at 11:19 AM. Reason: Clarity...
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  4. #14
    ✿ڿڰۣஇღ♥ wut ♥ღஇڿڰۣ✿ digesthisickness's Avatar
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    if you're close enough to them to be able to compare them to 'family' then it seems you're already doing the right things.

    i'm having trouble with the logic.

    but, eh, it's not important whether or not i get it. i'm just... curious.
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  5. #15
    Senior Member copperfish17's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by digesthisickness View Post
    i'm having trouble with the logic.
    How so? Allow me to clarify.

    Would it help if I told you that I'm insecure about my abilities to interact with/read NF's in general?

    And that I'm not sure if they like me as much as I like them? (Notice I was only talking about how I felt about THEM.) The ENFJ and the INFJ in question are both very nice to me but that alone doesn't tell me how much they *really* like me. Am I making sense here?

    NF's are trixy like that. They appear to be much closer than they really are to you.

    ...

    IT'S THE SLEEP DEPRIVATION RIGGING MY LOGIC, I SWEAR.

    Also: Where are all me ENFJ's?
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  6. #16
    ✿ڿڰۣஇღ♥ wut ♥ღஇڿڰۣ✿ digesthisickness's Avatar
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    how long have you been friends with them? i ask because if it's a short time, then i can see where you'd be concerned about screwing it up, but if not, and it's a longer time, then i'd think you'd have screwed it up by now if you were going to.
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  7. #17
    Senior Member copperfish17's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by digesthisickness View Post
    how long have you been friends with them? i ask because if it's a short time, then i can see where you'd be concerned about screwing it up, but if not, and it's a longer time, then i'd think you'd have screwed it up by now if you were going to.
    ENFJ: 5~6 years, with a 1-year gap a year an a half ago. We thought we'd never see each other again then!
    INFJ: 3~4 months.

    Big difference, no?

    Well, in theory, a relationship can screw up anytime, couldn't it? TBH, lately I've started to distance myself from the E/INFJ (it's just my need for temporary emotional withdrawal kicking in) and I think they're taking it harder than I meant for it to be... Well, guess I figured I could use some advices on how to maintain good relationships with E/INFJ's.

    Am I making sense now? Please say yes.
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  8. #18
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by copperfish17 View Post
    ENFJ: 5~6 years, with a 1-year gap a year an a half ago. We thought we'd never see each other again then!
    INFJ: 3~4 months.

    Big difference, no?

    Well, in theory, a relationship can screw up anytime, couldn't it? TBH, lately I've started to distance myself from the E/INFJ (it's just my need for temporary emotional withdrawal kicking in) and I think they're taking it harder than I meant for it to be... Well, guess I figured I could use some advices on how to maintain good relationships with E/INFJ's.

    Am I making sense now? Please say yes.
    This I can relate to. I suspect my best friend from Kindergarten to 8th grade [we were essentially inseparable]was an INFJ, and after we went to different high schools and I basically forgot about him, he took it pretty hard; he was in therapy, depression, the whole she-bang and blamed it on our separation.

    NFJs, does someone falling out of your life affect you at all?

    So basically, I don't have any advice about trying to love NFJs, because I can't do it.



  9. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by JocktheMotie View Post
    NFJs, does someone falling out of your life affect you at all?
    At all?!?!? That is all!!!!!!! When something like that happens, it's just awful. It's not like you'd be bawling your eyes out all the time but it's something that stays with you, I would say, forever. You don't constantly think about it but it's still there and the feelings associated with it can emerge whenever and then it's just...sad beyond belief. The doubts, all the questions circling your mind from time to time, wondering what mistakes were made, blaming yourself and all that.

  10. #20
    ✿ڿڰۣஇღ♥ wut ♥ღஇڿڰۣ✿ digesthisickness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by copperfish17 View Post
    ENFJ: 5~6 years, with a 1-year gap a year an a half ago. We thought we'd never see each other again then!
    INFJ: 3~4 months.

    Big difference, no?

    Well, in theory, a relationship can screw up anytime, couldn't it? TBH, lately I've started to distance myself from the E/INFJ (it's just my need for temporary emotional withdrawal kicking in) and I think they're taking it harder than I meant for it to be... Well, guess I figured I could use some advices on how to maintain good relationships with E/INFJ's.

    Am I making sense now? Please say yes.
    oh yeah. i'm zeroing in just fine.

    and, yes, relationships can screw up at anytime, of course, but i figured you'd know that i meant in a huge, detrimental way. the kind that shows up fairly early because it's so important to whether or not two people can even be close friends to start with.

    and, in this case, and correct me if i'm wrong you I/ENFJs, i should think that the best advice would be to, if not come right out and say the brutal truth, at least communicate that they haven't done anything wrong in another way. for instance, by saying anything that's 'normal', similar, to your regular communications. as if nothing is wrong.

    they're usually pretty smart about such things, reading between lines and such, so give them something to read between. if you were to approach it that way, adding that, almost as if it's an afterthought, you've been so busy lately (or some other reason that's fairly common) and can't wait to get back to talking to people (don't even have to say them in particular) again then if they were wondering, they may then figure they were just imagining things and in actuality everything is fine.

    the reason i'm advising you to do it that way, if you can't come right out and tell them (which i think you can and should-they can be extremely understanding and appreciate honesty), is because it, at least, conveys the unimportance of your distancing. the fact that it's not personal or a big deal.
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