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  1. #41
    Aquaria mrcockburn's Avatar
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    Haha I'm bad at that too. I just quickly give up and let them simmer...or whatever they do in silence.

    On the other hand, it's a lot easier to assert power/control if you're working with them on a project. And if they protest, congratulations! You got them to speak up! It's a win either way.
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  2. #42
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    Has already been said, but just to agree and reiterate - the way to get ANYONE to open up, especially introverts, is to show a genuine interest in them, and to allow them to reveal themselves at their pace. Push too hard, and you are bound to get a withdrawal. Also, it sound like you are coming on a bit strong - other extroverts might like your zaniness (I would!) but introverts might feel overwhelmed or even suspicious of it. They also might worry that they can't compete with your quick mind or wit ... so SLOW DOWN and let them start feeling comfortable, then you'll start seeing who they really are and their own wit and wisdom will start to show and then you'll be off ...

  3. #43
    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    I had to laugh when I read this thread. An ENTP posts a question on the NF forum specifically asking for NF advice, and all the responses (save one) are from other NTs. LOL!

    When I try to buttonhole an introvert (which is NOT the same as a shy person), I get them in a one-on-one conversation. And, I do tend to be the person who shares more about herself.

    But what's really going on, that's unspoken, is that I'm very carefully listening to them. I'm watching their body language to see when they resonate with what I'm saying. And, if I get a "hit" then I zero in on this to try to get them talking about themselves.

    I don't want them to like me. They will either like me or not like me based on their values and interests. But I do try to get them to open up a little bit and tell me about themselves... because I think I communicate very strongly that I have a GENUINE and AUTHENTIC interest in them.

    ^^^^^^^
    Genuine and authentic interest in people. This is the ENFP's secret weapon.

  4. #44
    Circus Maximus Sarcasticus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Esoteric Wench View Post
    Genuine and authentic interest in people. This is the ENFP's secret weapon.
    Oh man is it ever.

  5. #45
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    There's nothing that attracts people more quickly than you finding something they care about and then encouraging them to talk about it. I think generally for introverts, you just have to plan on the becoming acquainted process to take longer. I like runvardh's comparison between hyping a dog to go outside or talking a cat out of a tree!

  6. #46
    The Duchess of Oddity Queen Kat's Avatar
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    Just put on your friendly and likeable face and THEN start trying to interact with them. Make sure you don't come across as intimidating or whatsoever. You know, smile a lot (not all the time) and do that appropriately. Don't stare at them.
    I was sitting outside the classroom waiting to go in, and I saw an airplane hit the tower. The TV was obviously on. I used to fly myself and I said, "There's one terrible pilot."
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  7. #47
    Senior Member mockingbird's Avatar
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    I'm pretty shy and intersting to see this from an extrovert's perspective actually. I don't dislike extroverts in general but their energy, while I find it often enjoyable, overloads my senses a bit. I would never ask anyone to change who they are but if and extrovert is interested in getting me to open up, he will have to turn down the volume a bit.

    My shyness is for several main reasons: 1. I am unfortunately, overly sensitive. I don't like this about myself and I have managed to grow in this area but I still take it pretty personally if someone has little respect for my opinions, feelings, thoughts and beliefs. It takes me some time to decide if it's safe for me to open up without being hurt by the person.
    2. They are actually not interested in me but in a fun (fun for them) conversation
    3.They seem TOO interested in me. This makes me feel pressure to say something brilliant. Not that I'm incapable of brilliance but pressure to perform freezes me up.
    4.I feel we have nothing in common and don't want to waste my energy on a relationship that will go nowhere.
    5. You may have actually touched on a topic I'm interested in but I'm afraid if I respond that I will end up stuck in a four hour conversation. I wouldn't fear this so much if it weren't for the fact that so many extroverts that I know aren't very good at recognizing when I've run out of steam. I'm too polite to just bluntly tell them I'm done talking and subtle hints are often ignored.
    6. I don't like the person... But you seem like a nice person so that might not be the case.

    hope this helps
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    ~ Groucho Marx

  8. #48
    ¡MI TORTA! Amethyst's Avatar
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    I could be an ENTP, but I find having introverts open up to me as second nature. Most of the friends I make are introverts, because mostly I can't handle E types (No Js or SF combos for me thanks). It's not even trying to understand what an introvert is, but like many people said, simply opening up to them and having a genuine interest as to knowing how they are unique from everyone else.

  9. #49
    Senior Member copperfish17's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sizzling Berry View Post
    I would distinguish between introverted and shy people (I read about a cute study in the subject - cannot give a reference now but scholar.google can be of help). Intoverted people sometimes don't like to engage with outside world - it provides too much stimulation for their liking. Shy people want to engage but are scared to do it (because say they care very much about opinion of others and don't want to get rejected). Those traits do not necessarily exclude one another - for example shyness can grow from introversion (less social experience).

    So basically it's good to know what you are dealing with. Is your friend shy or introverted ? So do they want to talk only sometimes and feel that otherwise it's too much? Or do they want to talk but feel scared, inadequate, a bit overwhelmed? Are the conversations annoying to them or scary?
    You speak tr00th.

    I, for one, am heavily introverted, but not at all shy. People usually fail to make that distinction, and yes, that can get extremely annoying at times. I am not afraid to talk when I want to... but I usually just DON'T want to. I'm not a misanthropist or anything - it's just that I don't want extraneous relationships in my life. I will only cater to a certain few whom I genuinely find interesting/care about (and, by the way, I do invest a lot in those relationships). My external (social) life is both consciously and subconsciously kept at a minimum. If you aren't going to be a part of my daily life (online or offline), I probably won't pursue a relationship with you.

    I am personally attracted to abnormality (having unusual hobbies, looks, mindsets, interests etc.), intelligence, and candor.

    Candor: a virtue that is the quality of being open and honest in expression. i.e., frankness, expressing thoughts without any fear or pressure.

    I am also attracted to genuine warmth (the kind that's usually radiated by XNFJ's ).
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