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  1. #11
    sammy
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    ENFJs, hypothetical situation for you:

    Let's say you meet someone and you become friends, but you also feel very sure this person is a great match for you romantically, ideal even, and so you develop a crush, become infatuated, whatever. You use your usual charm and bag of tricks on this person, but he/she only responds as a friend and so no romance occurs. You realize they probably will never feel more than friendly for you....but to what degree will you accept it, and how long will it take you to get over them?
    Do you move on from this person quickly, or keep pining and even secretly hoping?
    What would it take for you to move on?
    Would the friendship with that person have to be severed, or lessened, or could you remain friends & still move on?
    Will you come to resent that person?
    Will you compare every subsequent romantic potential to that person?

    Is it typical for you to get stuck on someone you feel "sure" of, or do you move onto a new person quickly once you determine it's not going to happen?

    Thanks for indulging me.
    I'm not an ENFJ, but I've plenty of experience with them. Based on those experiences and what they've told me, it's very difficult for them to move on from a love interest. That torch doesn't burn out quickly or easily. And resentment is part and parcel to their approach when things don't go in a direction of forming a relationship with their crush. They don't do it because they truly despise the person. It makes it easier for them to deal with their hurt feelings, without becoming an emotional mess.

    I've seen them stop being friends with people they crushed on (without success) to preserve their dignity. They still care for the person, but they won't show it anymore.

  2. #12
    That's my name biotch! JoSunshine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pettycure View Post
    My ENFJ friend, whom I have dated and who has been the one to do the leaving in every single relationship before me, has never gotten over any of his girlfriends. There are three of us whom he fixates on and he allows any of us to walk all over and take advantage of him because he has the devottion of a puppy. Some of them do, but some of us have enough integrity to not take advantage of him. He's not the most healthy example of an ENFJ, but his behavior applies to your question. He remains attached to us not because he can't let go, but because he doesn't want to, despite the fact that he's the one who did the breaking up in each case.
    I can relate to this to a certain exent. I still talk to my last two BFs (I broke up with both of them) and I still love both of them in a certai way...I would actually talk to the one before that too if he would talk to me

    For me, I don't feel like I am "hung up". I broke up with them becuase I knew it wouldn't work, but just becuase we didn't work in a relationship doesn't change that I care about them. A lot of people don't understand why I would still talk to my exes, I don't understand why I wouldn't becuase they didn't do anything wrong other than be who they are, which happened to not work in a romantic relationship.

    I think this way of being goes hand in hand with my previous comment. I can move a person out of the "boyfriend / romantic interest" category into the "friend / person I care about" category when it seems appropriate.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. " - Dr. Seuss
    I can't spell...get over it

    Slightly ENFJ, totally JoSunshine
    Extroverted (E) 52.5%........Introverted (I) 47.5%
    Intuitive (N) 65.63%..........Sensing (S) 34.38%
    Feeling (F) 55.56%............Thinking (T) 44.44%
    Judging (J) 51.43%............Perceiving (P) 48.57%

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by JoSunshine View Post
    I can relate to this to a certain exent. I still talk to my last two BFs (I broke up with both of them) and I still love both of them in a certai way...I would actually talk to the one before that too if he would talk to me

    For me, I don't feel like I am "hung up". I broke up with them becuase I knew it wouldn't work, but just becuase we didn't work in a relationship doesn't change that I care about them. A lot of people don't understand why I would still talk to my exes, I don't understand why I wouldn't becuase they didn't do anything wrong other than be who they are, which happened to not work in a romantic relationship.

    I think this way of being goes hand in hand with my previous comment. I can move a person out of the "boyfriend / romantic interest" category into the "friend / person I care about" category when it seems appropriate.
    What type did you date? The last two guys.

  4. #14
    That's my name biotch! JoSunshine's Avatar
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    INTP - 1.5 year relationship, very easy to continue to talk to him.
    ESFJ - 1.5 year crazy love relationship, still talk to him but it's a bit more challenging.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. " - Dr. Seuss
    I can't spell...get over it

    Slightly ENFJ, totally JoSunshine
    Extroverted (E) 52.5%........Introverted (I) 47.5%
    Intuitive (N) 65.63%..........Sensing (S) 34.38%
    Feeling (F) 55.56%............Thinking (T) 44.44%
    Judging (J) 51.43%............Perceiving (P) 48.57%

  5. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    ENFJs, hypothetical situation for you:

    Let's say you meet someone and you become friends, but you also feel very sure this person is a great match for you romantically, ideal even, and so you develop a crush, become infatuated, whatever. You use your usual charm and bag of tricks on this person, but he/she only responds as a friend and so no romance occurs. You realize they probably will never feel more than friendly for you....but to what degree will you accept it, and how long will it take you to get over them?
    Do you move on from this person quickly, or keep pining and even secretly hoping?
    What would it take for you to move on?
    Would the friendship with that person have to be severed, or lessened, or could you remain friends & still move on?
    Will you come to resent that person?
    Will you compare every subsequent romantic potential to that person?

    Is it typical for you to get stuck on someone you feel "sure" of, or do you move onto a new person quickly once you determine it's not going to happen?

    Thanks for indulging me.
    I haven't read all the replies but for me your questions have been an obsession (a good one, I would say all obsessions are good). I'm in a similar situation now. My friend definitely has a romantic interest in me but was dating someone for a brief time when he realized that I was interested in him. I was also married but that relationship had been falling apart for some time. Subquently, confusion has insued, to say the least. No, I haven't moved on. My feeling is to give it time. I've seperated from my husband (permanently). I don't know if he is serious about his girlfriend (all indications are perhaps not, (how's that for equivocating). I struggle with this daily, should I move on or not? The reality is I can't right now and I don't see any reason why I should. He's also indicated that he's still very much interested in me. I'm patient with this because relationships sometimes take time to unravel and love has it's own way, which is often convoluted. I'm willing to wait and see, as long as I'm getting indications from him that he's still interested in me and that there is potential there. As far as friendship goes, we are already friends. I want to remain friends, though that seems a herculean thing right now. One day I think, sure, I can remain just friends, the next, no way.

    I think I could still remain friends and move on. I care about him so much that I can't imagine not being his friend just because I didn't get what I wanted. I'm not a child, and sometimes we just don't get what we want. Still, the feelings are there, and to be honest to them, and to him, I think I would need some time away from him to dovetail out of the romantic feelings.

    No, I don't resent him, nor will I ever. He and I have been through a severe test of our friendship and our care for each other, and passed. You only resent someone because you feel you need vindication. Then, that's the ego talking. If you love someone, it's not their fault that they can't meet your expectations. If you love someone, then you need to honor that, or it isn't really love, in my opinion.

    No, I won't compare anyone to him. I don't do that. And no one can compare to him. Everyone is unique.

    I do get stuck on someone, definitely. Until there's a definite sign or intuition that I need to let go.

    Edit: sorry, I'm not an ENFJ. And my friend is an INTP (I think). Well, anyway

  6. #16
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    [QUOTE=Pitseleh;1082168]To be honest, your friend might try to be "criticizing" you as a way to convince himself not to have a crush on you. He probably doesn't resent you but he probably really likes you still and is acting cold to counteract how he really feels about you (since there's no chance between you guys). Someone can only pretend so long until the true feelings come back full force.[/QUOTE]


    Agree with the bolded and in the case of my friend, this seems to be true (and for me as well). The feelings always come back.

  7. #17
    mountain surfing nomadic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    ENFJs, hypothetical situation for you:

    Let's say you meet someone and you become friends, but you also feel very sure this person is a great match for you romantically, ideal even, and so you develop a crush, become infatuated, whatever. You use your usual charm and bag of tricks on this person, but he/she only responds as a friend and so no romance occurs. You realize they probably will never feel more than friendly for you....but to what degree will you accept it, and how long will it take you to get over them?
    Do you move on from this person quickly, or keep pining and even secretly hoping?
    What would it take for you to move on?
    Would the friendship with that person have to be severed, or lessened, or could you remain friends & still move on?
    Will you come to resent that person?
    Will you compare every subsequent romantic potential to that person?

    Is it typical for you to get stuck on someone you feel "sure" of, or do you move onto a new person quickly once you determine it's not going to happen?

    Thanks for indulging me.
    i find it amazing how every time i have a slight adjustment to my love life, something so relevant like this post appears and piques my interest...

    its like EVERY SINGLE ADJUSTMENT! I don't know whats going on... how does it happen like every time!???!

    when i started here, there was the ENTJ infatuation, then ISFJ, then later INTP, then INTJ (I missed out on the INTJ one though), then INFJ, then INTP again, and now ENFJ... anyways, im blabbing, let me get back to reading this thread...

  8. #18
    Lungs & Lips Locked Unkindloving's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nomadic View Post
    i find it amazing how every time i have a slight adjustment to my love life, something so relevant like this post appears and piques my interest...

    its like EVERY SINGLE ADJUSTMENT! I don't know whats going on... how does it happen like every time!???!

    when i started here, there was the ENTJ infatuation, then ISFJ, then later INTP, then INTJ (I missed out on the INTJ one though), then INFJ, then INTP again, and now ENFJ... anyways, im blabbing, let me get back to reading this thread...
    Orly? I'm curious and think you should elaborate.
    Hang on traveling woman - Don't sacrifice your plan
    Cause it will come back to you - Before you lose it on the man


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    2011 TypeC Exercise Challenge - My Weekly Goals: Cardio 4x. Yoga/Pilates 1x. Pushups 70.

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  9. #19
    mountain surfing nomadic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unkindloving View Post
    Orly? I'm curious and think you should elaborate.
    hahahaha

    meh... its nothing much. just a friend that we just started leaning on each other through "hard times"... but yeah, for some reason, when i do get through talking or hanging out with that friend... my gf thinks something is wrong... and i think she thinks something is wrong by the way my voice is... its kinda wierd...

  10. #20
    Lungs & Lips Locked Unkindloving's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nomadic View Post
    hahahaha

    meh... its nothing much. just a friend that we just started leaning on each other through "hard times"... but yeah, for some reason, when i do get through talking or hanging out with that friend... my gf thinks something is wrong... and i think she thinks something is wrong by the way my voice is... its kinda wierd...
    Inter..esting
    What does the ENFJ do to you? Show me on this dollie where they touch you.
    Hang on traveling woman - Don't sacrifice your plan
    Cause it will come back to you - Before you lose it on the man


    .:: DWTWD ::.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]


    2011 TypeC Exercise Challenge - My Weekly Goals: Cardio 4x. Yoga/Pilates 1x. Pushups 70.

    There is this thing keeping everyone's lungs and lips locked - It is called fear and it's seeing a great renaissance

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