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  1. #1
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Default Wanting people to get their comeuppance

    Apparently this arises for me occasionally out of an offended sense of justice. Or just a desire to see others suffer.

    I'm unlikely to do anything much about it, but if someone has really hurt my feelings, offended me, wronged me in an extremely serious way (which probably involved a lot of ongoing unacceptable behaviour), it drives me nuts if they then go on their merry way and seem to be perfectly happy and getting everything they've always wanted out of life. (If they have managed to offend me that much there is usually strong evidence to suggest that they have managed to do the same to others, so it might not be just about me.)

    There's part of me that would just like to see them get zapped by karma or something similar. Some people say to me that people who behave really badly will always reap what they sow, but sometimes it takes time.

    Do you have any comments on your experience with these type of feelings, their validity, how you can defuse them etc?

    Seriously, if I were a really vengeful person and willing to do something about it, there are a few people I've known who I might have done something really nasty to by now!
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  2. #2
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    I'd be interested in seeing if there is a difference in average INFJ vs INFP.

    (I expect INFJ to be harder on the "justice" thing; that is what I expect in theory PLUS from real-life experience.)
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

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  3. #3
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Yeah, it's happening in a situation I'm currently trying to get myself out of. At this point the only way to defuse and detach is to leave and that's what I'm doing.

    On a lighter note, I hope everything burns to the ground and the ashes spread to the four winds!
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
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  4. #4
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    This just happens to bad people really. They get fucked by others and then just want others to suffer in return.

  5. #5
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    I don't allow myself to feed such vengeful feelings because if someone treats me in such a way, they are likely to treat many others in such a way, and I don't need to be the one to risk what I have going in my life (or my life in general) to get back at them. They will fuck up their own lives on their own.

    I meditate in such a manner especially when I observe dangerous/careless drivers.

  6. #6
    Wild Card Atomic Fiend's Avatar
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    Yes, burn, burn, burn!!!!

  7. #7
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    I'd be interested in seeing if there is a difference in average INFJ vs INFP.

    (I expect INFJ to be harder on the "justice" thing; that is what I expect in theory PLUS from real-life experience.)
    Yes, definitely, I am pretty certain this has to do with the J!


    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    Yeah, it's happening in a situation I'm currently trying to get myself out of. At this point the only way to defuse and detach is to leave and that's what I'm doing.

    On a lighter note, I hope everything burns to the ground and the ashes spread to the four winds!
    and LOL!

    I'm out of the recent situation which involved this, but defusing and detaching are soooo hard for me...

    EDIT: I did write a poem once about how arrogant philosophy majors were and it got published in the uni newspaper. It was partly because the philosophy wing kicked out my French lit class (long story, apparently we were too noisy) but I admit it was also a bit of a jab at a philosophy major who I'd fallen out with big-time (years later we kind of patched things up, enough anyway for me to not feel bad about it any more.)

    So that's probably about as much as I'd do. I don't usually even allow myself to bitch about such a person widely to mutual friends and acquaintances, it's just bad form and a bad idea. (I might bitch to one or two close friends if they know the details already.) But sometimes I think if I took revenge, I wouldn't be internalizing things so much!
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  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    This just happens to bad people really. They get fucked by others and then just want others to suffer in return.
    It seems like what you're describing is overall bitterness caused by bad experiences rather than the sense of "justice" described in the OP, but I'm not sure. The difference, as I perceive it, is that the stimulus-response in the OP situation is much more direct. Let me know if I'm misunderstanding you.


    I'm guilty of wanting to get back at people at times, too. If I do act on this feeling, it's always through subtle jabs like those described in some of the other posts in this thread. It's naturally hard to recognize that one reaps what they sow if consequences--good or bad--aren't immediate and direct. In any case, my sense that justice should be served, by me or by someone else, is pretty strong. This isn't a "flying off the handle" tendency or an immediate response, either--I'm pretty calm, collected, and deliberate about it when I do it.

    I don't pretend that this is a good thing. If I didn't quash that tendency, I would probably be afraid of the person that I'd be and the things that I'd do.

    Perhaps it's related to wanting to take control of a situation, to be the arbiter of justice in a given situation. It could be common to those who believe in a high sense of agency.

  9. #9
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mister Eyebrows View Post

    Perhaps it's related to wanting to take control of a situation, to be the arbiter of justice in a given situation. It could be common to those who believe in a high sense of agency.
    Wanting to take control...yes, very likely.

    I think I may feel this way sometimes if I feel I have handed over too much power over me to that person. I shouldn't be letting them control my life and emotions to that extent.
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  10. #10
    Senior Member valentine's Avatar
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    The world seems to have a tendency to reward 'wrong' behavior. When I see people gloating about such transgressions I have the disposition to try and bring that person's ego down a notch or two. I end up acting out in a faux-arrogant manner hoping that through some verbal lashings they will see the inherent error of their ways.

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