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  1. #1
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    Default What is the best way to tell an INFP you love them?

    Exactly...

    What is the best way to tell an INFP you love them? From a psychological standpoint. Please help me, my normally rational mind is soaked in Fi. I've known her for six months as friends and my feelings for her have occurred in the last two weeks. I've always been interested in her, but the more I get to know her the more I fall for her. She is very stubborn though, like me, and this is going to take a lot of work, even if deep down she does like me, which I think she does. In fact, know she does like me, but I don't want to destroy myself in the process of luring her out of her fantasy land, which is absolutely adorable, but inconvenient when it comes to expressing to her the reality of my feelings. I have to tell her I love her, but I must do it in a way that accommodates her fantasy. I should probably ask her what that fantasy is before I do it, but in a subtle way of course. Now I'm just giving myself my own advice...That is extroverted thinking for you right here in this writing, pretty cool, hu? But I might as well ask, once again since I'm writing this thread: What is the best way to tell an INFP you love them? From a psychological standpoint.

    Edit: Oh, I swear to god I'm an ENTJ, I've done some serious self analysis the last four years on myself and from others.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Eckhart's Avatar
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    Erf, that is a tough question, because I cannot answer it that easily even for myself. I can give you only the hint from my personal experience, subtle and indirect ways to show your love don't work well, because even when my ratio suspects it my heart is in doubt that I didn't just understand it wrong, no matter how irrational that doubt is.

    That means, unless I don't hear it just as is, I will never feel sure enough. So a direct and SERIOUS approach may be the best way. On the other way maybe it can also be frightening. Oh well, love isn't easy. But if she really feels the same way, I would say it will be your best bet and it will work. Of course, if you can somehow combine it with some nice surrounding scenery, you will be even more awesome. Don't ask me though how that could look like. But I think the good intention to make so much effort is which counts here mostly.

    But I am maybe not the best advice giver for getting into romantic relationships. I can only say how I would feel as an INFP (male, though).


    edit: I didn't read good it seems. As the posters below wrote, it may be too fast if you don't hang around for long already. If you feel like that only for few weeks, take your time maybe. I would have felt threatened when it goes too fast.

  3. #3
    Senior Member WoodsWoman's Avatar
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    Work on some serious trust building. If she's that oblivious blunt news will come as a shock so be prepared for another six months of waffling. If you have the intestinal fortitude to hang on through all that then go for it. I remember two years of conversations before becoming an 'item' with the guy I eventually married four years later.

  4. #4
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    I'd say, let Mother Nature weave her magic. I take it you hang out with her regularly. Get her to hang out more frequently with you. During that, if you truly feel close to her, act accordingly. What I mean is, people have a personal space boundary around them. If someone who they aren't close to steps in to it, the natural reflex is to step back to create once again more space.

    Approach hers slowly, and let her approach yours, see if she steps back or if she lets you ( it starts with standing closer than one meter together and prolonged eye contact, then accidental touching, casual touching, hugging, etc). What she feels comfortable with from you, indicates how much she trusts you and vice versa. If you are allowed into her personal space bubble, behave. Gently test how far she'll let you go. Take plenty of time with each stage. Allow yourselves to be comfy before you move on. This is something that naturally happesn between men and women and also naturally leads to kissing and more.

    At all times, look for signs that she's uncomfortable and back off. Take a break by doing something else and approach her again later on. If you've got fairly clear confirmation that she does trust you and appreciate you enough to come close, you could just make eye-contact and honestly tell her how you feel. Allow her the time to wrap her head around this. Or, if the moment allows, just kiss her.


    Or alternatively...just tell her straight out
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  5. #5
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    You said your feelings developed in the last two weeks, which seems pretty fast. I'd say take it slow. Be sensitive. Listen to her. Find excuses to spend some quality time together. You can't just go from friends to "I love you" in two weeks. Start spending more and more time alone with her and use that period to talk, learn more about her, get to know each other on a deeper level.

    I don't know what exactly "accommodate her fantasy" means -- but if you're planning a knight-in-shining-armor-coming-to-save-you approach, don't. It might sound romantic. It might work -- but there will be trouble down the road when she gets disillusioned. You're right that relationships take a lot of work, so I think one built slowly up from friendship and trust would work better in the long run than one built on a glittering, perfect fantasy.

    (Not an INFP girl -- so I might not really qualify. However, I've been dating an INFP guy for a bit more than a year and the honest, trust-based non-fakery is one of the most important factors in our relationship )

  6. #6
    Member Tycho's Avatar
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    When my INFP girlfriend was just a friend, I enjoyed being with her so much, that I was really scared that showing my feelings for her would damage the bond we had established. I liked her even more than I loved her, if that's possible.

    At some point I told her that. The best way to impress an INFP is by being authentic.

  7. #7
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    Just start crying and say, "I'm soo happy!" *sniffle*



  8. #8
    Minister of Propagandhi ajblaise's Avatar
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    They're INFP. They already know.

  9. #9
    Member Phenix's Avatar
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    Yes, authenticity. If you two have been pal-ing around for this long, she probably likes you. Since INFPs rarely make the first move, it will be up to you to take the first step. Remember that there is some kind of magic between NFs and NTs, go figure.

    What I would want is a card. Something that expresses how important a relationship is between two people. I would want to find it as a surprise, but when I'm alone so that I could properly take it in. This allows enough space to avoid feeling like I was put in a corner.

    In the card I would like to see a short story like: 'When we first met..., then as we got to know each other I found special qualities in you..., now I've come to understand my feelings as love..., I needed to express this to you and would like to know if you share this..., Please tell me honestly how you feel.'

    Amargith also had a good plan. Do the boy taming the fox in The Little Prince. The fox tells the boy how to tame it:

    Fox: Each day you sit a little closer to me until the day comes that you can sit next to me. Then I will be tame.

    I think INFPs are a little like this.

    Good luck. I'm dying to know how it turns out.

  10. #10
    Junior Member ???'s Avatar
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    I will place myself in the shoes of an INFP female, if i must...

    If you love me, you would appreciate me at least for the letters I wrote to you, the things i did for you... I want just to hear you say a warm 'Thank You'.

    If you love me, you will text me daily whenever i think of you (you need intuition for this)

    If you love me, you will not try to avoid speaking nothing but the truth to me or to avoid any sort of conflict with me just so you could please me. I want you instead not to judge or to condemn but to give me time to reflect what you say to me in a way i can take it and which speaks to me 'logically'

    If you really love me, you will have to grow together with me as an individual and as a couple -

    more of course... just a select few for now
    Who am I?
    Who am I? made in the fashion of Christ:
    Who do I want myself to be?
    Not, not who I want for myself,
    But who the Lord wants for me,
    I am not that which I think I am,
    But that of who which fashioned me.

    Shine Sun

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