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  1. #1
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    Default INFJ and ENTP between friendship and relationship

    Iím having difficulties understanding an ENTP friend who has recently pulled away. I must say I liked him very much (romantically, that is) and I thought he liked me. We talked about very intellectual subjects and actually opened up to each other about very serious things including family issues, romantic pursuits, and simply things I know he has not told others. This is something I suspect ENTPs donít do often. However, since our last conversation he has completely pulled away.

    In that conversation we were discussing what traits we find attractive in other people and agreed on quite a few. I thought I was picking up on some hints, that maybe he liked me, however some of the hints described me while others completely contradicted them. Is this just an ENTP game? Or am I misinterpreting whats going on? That happens sometimes as we have different perspectives, something I very much appreciate about him.

    Since then he has almost completely cut off communication. He doesnít talk to me much anymore, wonít acknowledge me when he sees me, etc. This has been going on for about a week. What is going on?
    We went from being close friends to what feels like distant acquaintances. I cannot help, but be hurt and feel as though itís something Iíve done wrong.

    And what is your experience with ENTPs? Is this normal or is another message trying to be sent? What should I do to correct the situation, or rather what can I do ?


    Also something to consider, he told me he was interested in someone, only interested which he made quite clear, but refused to give me the name of the person he fancied. It seems illogical to be able to open up about family matters, friendships, intellectual subjects, and other past romantic pursuits, but not about someone who he is only some what interested in.

    Thoughts and advice would be much appreciated.

  2. #2
    The Memes Justify the End EcK's Avatar
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    entps generally have no idea how people feel about them, that's part of why they seem so 'over the top' sometimes.
    Maybe he just doesn't know if you like him. Also, if he opened up, maybe that wasn't easy for him and he considers it's ur turn to do the next move.

    I mean, I don't know, i'm just poking in the dark.

  3. #3
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    * He doesn't know you like him.
    * He knows you like him and he likes you but he feels vulnerable.
    * He's got another fish on the line.

    It's not weird to be private about who you like but open about other sensitive topics.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  4. #4
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    Thank you for the quick relies, I appreciate them. What can I do to solidify things between us? The lack of communication made things awkward. I donít really know how to act around him since the freeze of communication.

    What can I do to let him know I like him or reassure him? Do I have to open up and outright tell him I like him, or can it be subtle?

    I really care about him and if I cannot pursue a relationship I would at least like to maintain a friendship.

  5. #5
    sammy
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    Agreed with Synarch. ^

    In the past, I've pulled away from people after opening up a lot before. I usually did it if I didn't think I could keep up the normal energy (and openness) with that person at that particular time. It doesn't mean I didn't like them, it was a quintessential: "It's not you, it's me" thing. Just an occasional phase.

    Or, could very well have a lot to do with how he feels about you. He could like you, could be pursuing that "interest" but doesn't want to close off the possibility of being with you either, or may not like you more than a friend but doesn't want to hurt you by continuing to be so intimate.

  6. #6
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trapeze Swinger View Post
    Thank you for the quick relies, I appreciate them. What can I do to solidify things between us? The lack of communication made things awkward. I donít really know how to act around him since the freeze of communication.

    What can I do to let him know I like him or reassure him? Do I have to open up and outright tell him I like him, or can it be subtle?

    I really care about him and if I cannot pursue a relationship I would at least like to maintain a friendship.
    Tell him you care about him as a person and enjoy spending time with him and that you hope he is doing okay. That way you express your feelings without seeming to have an agenda. I can be really weird when people pursue me because I never trust that they can know me well enough to make that decision. So, I prefer to get to know someone really well first.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aramis View Post
    or may not like you more than a friend but doesn't want to hurt you by continuing to be so intimate.
    If that is the case what do you suggest I try continue the friendship by initiating contact, or wait it out through this phase?

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    Tell him you care about him as a person and enjoy spending time with him and that you hope he is doing okay. That way you express your feelings without seeming to have an agenda. I can be really weird when people pursue me because I never trust that they can know me well enough to make that decision. So, I prefer to get to know someone really well first.
    Weíll have to see how that goes over tomorrow.
    I think we might have both pulled away out of fear. We got close very fast it may have been a little too much for both of us.

  9. #9
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trapeze Swinger View Post
    Weíll have to see how that goes over tomorrow.
    I think we might have both pulled away out of fear. We got close very fast it may have been a little too much for both of us.
    What will be, will be. Good luck, friend.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  10. #10
    sammy
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trapeze Swinger View Post
    If that is the case what do you suggest I try continue the friendship by initiating contact, or wait it out through this phase?
    I suggest a mixture of initiating contact and waiting. Initiate too much and he may pull back completely (for whatever reason). Initiate just enough to keep him in the picture, which allows him the opportunity to re-enter your life when he's got his mojo back.

    Waiting will be critical, especially to keep the friendship alive. As an INFJ, you guys are usually stellar at being patient.

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