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  1. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lily Bart View Post
    OK, here's about 25 years' worth of experience dealing with an ENTP. You seem to really, really like him, so my heart went out to you. First of all, resist the tendency to read things into his reactions to you, because as much as you want to think you know what's going on, you probably don't (I'm just trying to encourage a little humility here, because I know INFJ's are good at reading people, but don't go there if it's somebody you're trying to start a relationship with). Next, give him some space -- Perceivers always like to feel they've got options and they're not cornered into something. Do everything you possibly can to resist the sort of internal intensity you're experiencing right now, because it will only get in the way. Relax, be light-hearted, use your INFJ sense of humor -- most people think it's weird, but ENTP's respond to it like nobody in the world. And most important of all, FLIRT, because ENTP's are big-time flirters themselves and they pretty much respond to it whether they're interested in you or not -- they sort of can't help it! As an INFJ, flirting may seem slightly dishonest to you, but if you think about it, you have your own unique sort of INFJ-flirtiness, that, again, most guys wouldn't be able to figure out, but an ENTP will find it very, very compelling. ENTP and INFJ are pretty much opposites, which creates attraction, but they're also both dominant intuitives, which is a bonus for you, because ENTP's, although fun-loving and sometimes seemingly superficial, really can't appreciate (and often have very little patience with) someone who's not intelligent. And frankly, I wouldn't encourage him to talk about his feelings right now, since there's an Ex, because, first of all, if he does, you'll probably get an earful that you don't really want to hear, and second, he needs to get away from his Ex emotionally -- so give him the opportunity to have fun, relax, and not have to think about her all the time. Good luck!
    This is truth!
    "Excellence is the result of caring more than others think is wise, risking more than others think is safe, dreaming more than others think is practical and expecting more than others think is possible." - Mac Anderson

  2. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    I am sorry to hear that. Aww.

    Did he actually say he didn't like you that way or are you inferring? This is very important. I have found sometimes that a woman does not really know when I like them because they assume I am interested in someone else. You can't really read into what he says about someone else.

    You may be discounting the fact that ENTP's often like more than one person at a time and tend to try on different people before they settle for one. Also, love tends to creep up on us, I think.

    Gah, I am sorry for you right now. It must be difficult.

    Well. I would never ever want you to keep hope alive. But! When I was much younger there was this girl I was friends with and she was basically my sounding board. She stayed as my friend while I chased after girls who made me crazy and desperate. I would pinball from one infatuation to another. Gradually, we became closer and dated seriously.

    Anyway. Sorry. :/
    I actually know he doesnít. I was talking to him again and we discussed relationships and the girl who he liked had a trait that is literally the complete opposite of myself, thus ruling me out. I was really hurt at the moment and actually inferred it was one of my closest friends to which he said it wasnít. This confused me because usually Iím not wrong about those sort of things. Anyway, the next day, I was talking with a good mutual friend of ours and he asked me if I wanted to know a secret. Turns out I had guessed right he did like my very close friend, but didnít want to tell me because he worried that I may tell her.


    Ironically, she really detests him (the ENTP). And they have only seen or talked to each other maybe three times at the most.
    I have given up, but the feelings still remain. I would feel guilty to ignore him and our friendship, but at the moment I donít think I can be friends with him, or talk to him. Which is unfair, but I feel as though I might do something rash if he started talking about the girl he liked. I also feel betrayed. I thought we could talk about nearly everything and trust each other, but he lied. I understand why, but at the same time it still frustrates me.

    I donít know if he likes multiple people, but at this point I donít know if I could deal with it knowing he likes my very close friend.

    Where do I go from here?
    And who do I deal with the friendship? We are close, but I donít think I can deal with him right now. I mean, he wonít know why it is that I wonít talk to him, etc.

  3. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trapeze Swinger View Post
    I actually know he doesnít. I was talking to him again and we discussed relationships and the girl who he liked had a trait that is literally the complete opposite of myself, thus ruling me out. I was really hurt at the moment and actually inferred it was one of my closest friends to which he said it wasnít. This confused me because usually Iím not wrong about those sort of things. Anyway, the next day, I was talking with a good mutual friend of ours and he asked me if I wanted to know a secret. Turns out I had guessed right he did like my very close friend, but didnít want to tell me because he worried that I may tell her.


    Ironically, she really detests him (the ENTP). And they have only seen or talked to each other maybe three times at the most.
    I have given up, but the feelings still remain. I would feel guilty to ignore him and our friendship, but at the moment I donít think I can be friends with him, or talk to him. Which is unfair, but I feel as though I might do something rash if he started talking about the girl he liked. I also feel betrayed. I thought we could talk about nearly everything and trust each other, but he lied. I understand why, but at the same time it still frustrates me.

    I donít know if he likes multiple people, but at this point I donít know if I could deal with it knowing he likes my very close friend.

    Where do I go from here?
    And who do I deal with the friendship? We are close, but I donít think I can deal with him right now. I mean, he wonít know why it is that I wonít talk to him, etc.
    He's scared and hedging his bets. Don't give up yet.

  4. #34
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    What do you mean heís hedging his bets? I mean, I guess I understand I just need to hear why it is heís doing that.

  5. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trapeze Swinger View Post
    I actually know he doesnít. I was talking to him again and we discussed relationships and the girl who he liked had a trait that is literally the complete opposite of myself, thus ruling me out. I was really hurt at the moment and actually inferred it was one of my closest friends to which he said it wasnít. This confused me because usually Iím not wrong about those sort of things. Anyway, the next day, I was talking with a good mutual friend of ours and he asked me if I wanted to know a secret. Turns out I had guessed right he did like my very close friend, but didnít want to tell me because he worried that I may tell her.


    Ironically, she really detests him (the ENTP). And they have only seen or talked to each other maybe three times at the most.
    I have given up, but the feelings still remain. I would feel guilty to ignore him and our friendship, but at the moment I donít think I can be friends with him, or talk to him. Which is unfair, but I feel as though I might do something rash if he started talking about the girl he liked. I also feel betrayed. I thought we could talk about nearly everything and trust each other, but he lied. I understand why, but at the same time it still frustrates me.

    I donít know if he likes multiple people, but at this point I donít know if I could deal with it knowing he likes my very close friend.

    Where do I go from here?
    And who do I deal with the friendship? We are close, but I donít think I can deal with him right now. I mean, he wonít know why it is that I wonít talk to him, etc.
    ENTP - male, close friend, won't look you in the eyes, single, hated by the girl he says he likes - even if he doesn't like you now, which is highly unlikely (especially if you don't look like a monster and are an INFJ) he will eventually like you if you remain his close friend, granted there are no other women in his life if he is closer to.

    When you feel like you've gotten a very strong intimacy level, you should pounce and not wait, because some stupid girl he met on trip to some country like Japan could...

    Likely he may playing a game to see how you really feel.

    So the questions are: do you look a monster? Do you have any personality traits he especially dislikes? Does he know your single? Are you objectionable in any way?

    If the answer is no to most of those questions, just pounce.
    "Excellence is the result of caring more than others think is wise, risking more than others think is safe, dreaming more than others think is practical and expecting more than others think is possible." - Mac Anderson

  6. #36
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    I donít think he realizes how much she dislikes him. I mean sheís nice to him, clearly not interested though and sometimes scoffs at what he says. He also might not catch that fact that she doesnít like him. Not very well developed Fe. Also, heís extremely, extremely T. Although, if our mutual friend has said anything to him he knows it now because he asked me if their relationship would work.
    But how can I remain close to him? I feel as though part of our friendship was real and the other part was to just use me to get to my friend to better understand her.

  7. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trapeze Swinger View Post
    I donít think he realizes how much she dislikes him. I mean sheís nice to him, clearly not interested though and sometimes scoffs at what he says. He also might not catch that fact that she doesnít like him. Not very well developed Fe. Also, heís extremely, extremely T. Although, if our mutual friend has said anything to him he knows it now because he asked me if their relationship would work.
    But how can I remain close to him? I feel as though part of our friendship was real and the other part was to just use me to get to my friend to better understand her.
    True, he may be doing that. How long have you been friends?

    Second - continue to remain friends with him, continue to talk with him, to show that you care about him, that you adore him (ENTP ego-feeding, if done well, works) - over time, he will come to like you. You have understand...men don't really friendzone... If he missed talking to you...lightbulb.

    Still, if he was sincerely interested at the girl, don't be the rebound.

    Again you have to ask yourself, do you have any objectionable traits or beliefs? Are you from different cultures? Does he not consider you intelligent? Because if the answer to those are yes, then maybe maybe you have some issues. Cause an intelligent INFJ who's really close to an ENTP...
    "Excellence is the result of caring more than others think is wise, risking more than others think is safe, dreaming more than others think is practical and expecting more than others think is possible." - Mac Anderson

  8. #38
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    We have been friends for about 7 months. We got close about three months ago As in started sharing very personal things, rather than just intellectual conversation.

    The second thing is going to be difficult.

    Not that I know of, we have very similar beliefs, not from different cultures, considers me intelligent we exchange things that interest us frequently.

  9. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trapeze Swinger View Post
    We have been friends for about 7 months. We got close about three months ago As in started sharing very personal things, rather than just intellectual conversation.

    The second thing is going to be difficult.

    Not that I know of, we have very similar beliefs, not from different cultures, considers me intelligent we exchange things that interest us frequently.
    Then whatever piece of advice I can give is this:

    Once he gets over other girl (make sure he knows he has no chance), stay away from him - make him miss you - then pounce. No kidding.
    "Excellence is the result of caring more than others think is wise, risking more than others think is safe, dreaming more than others think is practical and expecting more than others think is possible." - Mac Anderson

  10. #40
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    Eh, don't bother. Do your thing.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

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