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  1. #11
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    Today was unsuccessful. I initiated a conversation, or at least tried to, and it failed. I started with the typical "how are you? ","how has your day been?" and received concise answers (i.e. "Iím fine" and "Good") He made no attempt to ask me about my day which he normally does. Also, of note, he made no eye contact with me through out our conversation. Maybe significant, maybe not, but usually there is lots of eye contact.
    I didnít sense that he was in bad mood, although that is plausible, or he could of had something else preoccupying his mind.
    There was an awkward silence as we continued to walk. He then mentioned that he noticed that and his ex were able to be in the same room without it being awkward. I tried to follow up with questions that I knew he could answer in length and told him I felt that was a great improvement (things had ended very roughly several months ago, but he is very much over her now), but got the same one word answers, like "yes", "no" or a short sentence reply. Unsure of what to say and noting that we were approaching a group of our friends I told him that I felt we hadn't talked in a while and that I enjoyed spending time with him. I even suggested that we go to our normal coffee shop to talk later today if that was convenient to which he said "yeah" and then walked quickly towards one of his friends. I was left alone, so I tried talking to one of my good friends, but retreated, completely unsure of what had just happened and quite upset. Iím very good at not showing exactly how I feel to avoid the "whatís wrong" so I can tell the people Iím comfortable with on my own terms, however I was so affected by what had just happened I got asked many times "whatís wrong". It was very apparent. I of course lied with a ďnothing, Iím just stressed about everything I have to do today" and became very introverted, letting everything that had just occurred ruminate.

    Later, my ESTP friend suggested that I had done something to anger him. I know ESTPs are not the best with understanding others, but I needed an alternative perspective. I donít really know how that is possible, I cannot think of anything that I have done that was offensive because we havenít talked much and before this freeze of communication everything appeared fine.

    Thoughts?

  2. #12
    Playnerd Timeless's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EcK View Post
    entps generally have no idea how people feel about them, that's part of why they seem so 'over the top' sometimes.
    Maybe he just doesn't know if you like him.
    Also, if he opened up, maybe that wasn't easy for him and he considers it's ur turn to do the next move.

    I mean, I don't know, i'm just poking in the dark.
    +285947549387543

    Fuck, it's a bit sad in a way.

  3. #13
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trapeze Swinger View Post
    Today was unsuccessful. I initiated a conversation, or at least tried to, and it failed. I started with the typical "how are you? ","how has your day been?" and received concise answers (i.e. "Iím fine" and "Good") He made no attempt to ask me about my day which he normally does. Also, of note, he made no eye contact with me through out our conversation. Maybe significant, maybe not, but usually there is lots of eye contact.
    I didnít sense that he was in bad mood, although that is plausible, or he could of had something else preoccupying his mind.
    There was an awkward silence as we continued to walk. He then mentioned that he noticed that and his ex were able to be in the same room without it being awkward. I tried to follow up with questions that I knew he could answer in length and told him I felt that was a great improvement (things had ended very roughly several months ago, but he is very much over her now), but got the same one word answers, like "yes", "no" or a short sentence reply. Unsure of what to say and noting that we were approaching a group of our friends I told him that I felt we hadn't talked in a while and that I enjoyed spending time with him. I even suggested that we go to our normal coffee shop to talk later today if that was convenient to which he said "yeah" and then walked quickly towards one of his friends. I was left alone, so I tried talking to one of my good friends, but retreated, completely unsure of what had just happened and quite upset. Iím very good at not showing exactly how I feel to avoid the "whatís wrong" so I can tell the people Iím comfortable with on my own terms, however I was so affected by what had just happened I got asked many times "whatís wrong". It was very apparent. I of course lied with a ďnothing, Iím just stressed about everything I have to do today" and became very introverted, letting everything that had just occurred ruminate.

    Later, my ESTP friend suggested that I had done something to anger him. I know ESTPs are not the best with understanding others, but I needed an alternative perspective. I donít really know how that is possible, I cannot think of anything that I have done that was offensive because we havenít talked much and before this freeze of communication everything appeared fine.

    Thoughts?
    Try being sad and aloof and see if he changes his tune.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  4. #14
    ish red no longer *sad* nightning's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    Try being sad and aloof and see if he changes his tune.
    Typical ENTP approach to poke at something to figure out what's going on.

    With a good ENTP friend of mine, I found it's best to ask once directly to see if he wants to talk. If he doesn't... it's best just to walk away and wait. Other ENTPs will have to confirm this, but my friend tends to like to brood over problems. He bounces back after a while. I tend to wait for him to reengage me into conversation and just be receptive when he does so.

    About sharing stuff... he's okay with sharing something that INFJs may deem as "private" to somebody that's not involved with the issue, but rarely does so if you're involved.
    My stuff (design & other junk) lives here: http://nnbox.ca

  5. #15
    Senior Member Qre:us's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nightning View Post
    About sharing stuff... he's okay with sharing something that INFJs may deem as "private" to somebody that's not involved with the issue, but rarely does so if you're involved.
    This kind of rings true. I'll usually only share with the person involved, once I'm comfortable in the conclusions I've reached with regards to that person and myself, and our situation. Depends though how emotionally confused I am. The more emotionally confused I am over it, the more likely that I won't share with the person involved. Other times, if it's some issue with a person, and I'm pretty clear-headed about it - I'm actually very direct about going to the person involved, first and foremost - easiest and most efficient way to solve the issue.

  6. #16
    sammy
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    Try being sad and aloof and see if he changes his tune.
    Yeah, try this.

    I can't think of any other approach that won't come across as pushy at this point.

    From what you've said, I can't detect how you angered him. Do you usually default to discussing his ex-gfs when in conversational lulls?

  7. #17
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nightning View Post
    About sharing stuff... he's okay with sharing something that INFJs may deem as "private" to somebody that's not involved with the issue, but rarely does so if you're involved.
    +1 Yep!
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  8. #18
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    OK, here's about 25 years' worth of experience dealing with an ENTP. You seem to really, really like him, so my heart went out to you. First of all, resist the tendency to read things into his reactions to you, because as much as you want to think you know what's going on, you probably don't (I'm just trying to encourage a little humility here, because I know INFJ's are good at reading people, but don't go there if it's somebody you're trying to start a relationship with). Next, give him some space -- Perceivers always like to feel they've got options and they're not cornered into something. Do everything you possibly can to resist the sort of internal intensity you're experiencing right now, because it will only get in the way. Relax, be light-hearted, use your INFJ sense of humor -- most people think it's weird, but ENTP's respond to it like nobody in the world. And most important of all, FLIRT, because ENTP's are big-time flirters themselves and they pretty much respond to it whether they're interested in you or not -- they sort of can't help it! As an INFJ, flirting may seem slightly dishonest to you, but if you think about it, you have your own unique sort of INFJ-flirtiness, that, again, most guys wouldn't be able to figure out, but an ENTP will find it very, very compelling. ENTP and INFJ are pretty much opposites, which creates attraction, but they're also both dominant intuitives, which is a bonus for you, because ENTP's, although fun-loving and sometimes seemingly superficial, really can't appreciate (and often have very little patience with) someone who's not intelligent. And frankly, I wouldn't encourage him to talk about his feelings right now, since there's an Ex, because, first of all, if he does, you'll probably get an earful that you don't really want to hear, and second, he needs to get away from his Ex emotionally -- so give him the opportunity to have fun, relax, and not have to think about her all the time. Good luck!

  9. #19
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lily Bart View Post
    And frankly, I wouldn't encourage him to talk about his feelings right now, since there's an Ex, because, first of all, if he does, you'll probably get an earful that you don't really want to hear, and second, he needs to get away from his Ex emotionally -- so give him the opportunity to have fun, relax, and not have to think about her all the time. Good luck!
    Great advice, LB! Are you married to an ENTP?

    The bolded is especially true. I am seemingly incapable of not expressing something on my mind if I feel comfortable with you. Some people can misinterpret this, but ultimately it's because I often sort things out externally. I refer to it as "inappropriate self-disclosure". I try really hard to repress this urge but it's generally a sign that I trust you.

    I have a hard time generally with concealing my feelings. It's what I do with most people (except here for some reason, probably because of the limited anonymity) so once I start editing I am liable to start editing and hiding more important things.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  10. #20
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    Things were much better today. I think being sad and aloof made him wonder what was going on. Thank you, Synarch.

    I approached him, realizing I probably shouldnít, but I got the feeling he wanted to talk to me and wouldnít do it unless I initiated it. So, I did. And it went very well. He apologized for seeming distant and said he missed talking to me. We discussed normal things like life, recent events, etc and then began to discuss relationships. I asked how things were going with whoever it was he was interested in. This was his response, "I haven't talked to her much lately, so she hasn't really been on my mind." He still wont tell me who it is heís interested in which is understandable as weíve just begun talking again after a weird period.

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