NFs tend to think of others first. Simple as that. It's all in how much they're taken advantage of versus how much other people are taken advantage of. If the former outweighs the latter, slow, painful death; but if the latter outweighs the former, than out of my way, someone needs a heart relieved from their chest.
"Quiiri ath metahn i'ashei?" Chronically Gephyrophobic
I remember being read as a "softy" several times while in the military. If someone tried to back me down I'd ask them if they'd like to go to the gym with me & check out 2 pairs of boxing gloves. Always got a shocked look. Was 6'1" & 207 at the time. Never had any takers but they always left me alone after that. Unfortunately that approach would now get me fired from my civilian job. That's too bad because one alpha-bully there needs his teeth knocked out. Unless I'm being confronted by jerks though, I'm like a lamb.
Let people think what they want. When someone pushes once too often, and has to pick themselves up off the concrete, or gets verbally and emotionally annihilated, they will only have themselves to blame. Believing stereotypes are accurate, is a recipe for pain.
Most people see quickly that I am not "soft". They may think being quiet and reserved means that at first, but it doesn't take long before they see I have a lot of backbone. I'm actually seen as grouchy more than anything. The sensitivity is not equated with softness, but with being moody.
On jobs I've had, people were somewhat "afraid" of me. I wasn't seen as gentle or nice, but as a sullen crank who would ignore people & do what I wanted. I also have a perfectionist streak which makes me critical, and I have a need to control what is important to me, which makes me stubborn. Because I did my job well, this was overlooked. It actually took time for my "nice" side to be recognized.
I'm not proud of that, but instilling a fear also meant I got away with more and was respected more. My ex boss would make excuses about why he couldn't pay other people & he'd talk down to them, but I always got paid and was dealt with carefully.
Originally Posted by Iriohm Bladewalker
NFs tend to think of others first.
I sooo think of myself first
For me, avoiding conflict has to do with avoiding internal upset, not upsetting others. I fear becoming emotional because it makes me vulnerable.
I'm often sensitive to criticism because I hate being misunderstood (that's why criticism I deem valid is not so upsetting), not because I really care if someone likes me or not.
"Charlotte sometimes dreams a wall around herself. But it's always with love - So much love it looks like everything else. Charlotte Sometimes - So far away, glass sealed and pretty." - The Cure
Does someone have to have the willingness to attack someone to not be soft? That assumption comes through in this thread, but moreso as generalized knowledge, I think. It seems to be based on an assumption that if a person is strong enough, they will attack when given the right motivation. It assumes that a non-attacking person does not have the strength to do it and that is their actual reason.
I once saw a number of people "attacking", but I can't say any of it looked particularly strong, or even hard. It looked like a bunch of frightened people trying to establish their place in a social pecking order with a great hope of moving up at least one notch. They said harsh things, were trying to look tough, but if I had to venture a guess I'd say it was an internally mushy situation.
It's hard for me to bring myself to attack people like that (which accounts for most of the bullies) because it doesn't seem like it would be a fair fight. I would have to be frightened and needful of proving my strength to engage in that. If there is any sense of internal confidence in one's strength then the only reason to display it is to solve a realistic problem. I suppose a convoluted mess of frightened bullies is a problem, but not one that can be directly or easily solved. If someone uses fear to suppress that, then the internally weak bullies will later try even harder to use the same tactic. How does one solve rather than reinforce the desperate flailings of the socially frightened?
The first man to raise a fist is the man who's run out of ideas. H.G. WELLS
The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool. FEYNMAN If this is monkey pee, you're on your own.SCULLY