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[Jungian Cognitive Functions] Feelers and forgiveness

sculpting

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1. When someone does something that hurts you or another can you forgive them?

Always. I may not choose to be around them, but I will not carry anger at another. To do so, would allow me to hurt them, which is wrong.

2. How important is intent/motive? Can you forgive them if they hurt someone unintentionally vs intentionally hurting another?

Everything. Harm without motive is always forgiven, once understood. That is why understanding is so very important. Almost always intentional harm of another arises out of misunderstanding and miscommunication, out of frustration, out of mutual hurt and distrust, defensive reactions. Thus even intentional harm is almost always forgiven.

3. Is there a limit to how many times you forgive for the same offense?

Not really. Maybe. I dunno.

An additional thought concerning forgiveness-

Te establishes standards for how Fi judges behavior. Or another perspective-Fi may determine what is wrong or right, but in an ENFP Te helps determine how we apply those standards to others around us based upon their innate capabilities. This is why we have to understand others-why we endlessly analyze them. We have to determine where to set those standards and understand what to forgive and how much to forgive. This is why we can endlessly forgive.

However internally we apply very high Te standards to ourselves-higher so than anyone else. We judge ourselves more stringently and more harshly than any external person could.

A friend hurt me out of confusion, unintentionally. I lashed out horrifically, nightmarishly, irrationally, in blind rage and anger. I was cruel and barbaric to someone who had only ever been my friend and been caring towards me. I was a monster to this person. I spent the following days digging apart, seeking rationalizations, justifications, analysis, patterns-all manners of excuses to be blunt-to avoid having to face the inevitable. The inevitable is having to judge my own actions by my standards and finding them to be unforgivable.

No matter how many hugs, justifications, or external affirmations I receive, I will always carry with me the knowledge that I behaved monsterously according to my own standards. That I let my own inner rage, my own weakness, my anger, my hurt, overcome my strength of will and I injured another person. I am built in such a way, that when this loss of control happens I dont just become angry, I become a force of destruction.

I will never forgive myself and will carry it as a lesson of the cruelty that I can inflict upon another. I will take the lessons learned and apply them to myself, as to not repeat, but I will never forgive myself for my own cruelty to another. It is internally, eternally, by my own standards, unforgivable and unpardonable, and will remain a mark upon me for many years to come.
 
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BerberElla

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Calling all Feelers!

1. When someone does something that hurts you or another can you forgive them?

Depends upon what they did. I consider myself very forgiving, especially if :

2. How important is intent/motive? Can you forgive them if they hurt someone unintentionally vs intentionally hurting another?

It has reasonable intent/motive behind it. I can even forgive someone intentionally hurting someone else or me if the motive makes sense to me.


3. Is there a limit to how many times you forgive for the same offense?


:hug::hug::hug:

Yes, that limit is alot shorter than it used to be though. It's still pretty far out there, but at least I can now see the line that someone has to cross for no forgiveness.


I can forgive, I can't really ever forget. Otherwise each time they repeated the same thing, it would be as if they were starting with a blank sheet, and that's just setting yourself up to be a doormat for all eternity. :D
 

Lux

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1. When someone does something that hurts you or another can you forgive them?

I mostly forgive. If I cannot forgive I let go. It isn't forgiveness, it is a nothingness. This nothingness has only happened once in my life. I doubt it will ever happen again. As I naturally tend toward forgiveness.

2. How important is intent/motive? Can you forgive them if they hurt someone unintentionally vs intentionally hurting another?


Motive for me is important. I don't like when another has intentionally hurt me or anyone else. I deem it a weakness in character. It takes me longer to forgive intentional cruelty.

3. Is there a limit to how many times you forgive for the same offense?

Not a limit per se. If there is a constant stagnation and an unwillingness for growth, it becomes much harder. I don't enjoy playing games. I will always be there if I sense the person needs me, and is willing to work on.. whatever it was (save for that one person previously mentioned), but there needs to be a willingness on their part as well. I cannot hold together an entire relationship. You can only ignore things for so long.
 
P

Phantonym

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1. When someone does something that hurts you or another can you forgive them?
Yes, I can forgive them. Forgetting it might be somewhat tricky. It's not like you're constantly reminded of it but it still emerges from time to time and causes slight sorrow. It also depends on the offense what kind of an impact it has on me and how strongly it possibly will cause me sorrow after forgiving.
2. How important is intent/motive? Can you forgive them if they hurt someone unintentionally vs intentionally hurting another?
Forgiving isn't even an issue, regardless whether it was intentional or unintentional. I see forgiving as primarily something that gives me the opportunity to move on and not dwell on the negativity.

However, intentionally hurting somebody is definitely a graver offense. Either way, the relationship is never going to be same again. It can either get better, it can be a lesson to learn from or things just reduce to being plain civil, nothing more personal than that.
3. Is there a limit to how many times you forgive for the same offense?
There is a saying: "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me". I think this pretty much applies to forgiving offenses. Or rather, as I said earlier, forgiving isn't an issue. I can forgive but something is definitely broken from the first offense. And when it happens again, I can forgive but there's no trust anymore. Forgetting the second offense is even harder.
 

entropie

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*raising the arm* ahmahmahmahm !!!!
 

JoSunshine

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1. When someone does something that hurts you or another can you forgive them?
Yes. I probably am too forgiving. I can only think of one person I haven't forgiven in my life. Although, if the person refuses to admit the harm/hurt they have caused, I have a tendancy to harbor resentment for a long time...aknowledgement of one's mistakes is the key to me quickly forgiving them.


2. How important is intent/motive? Can you forgive them if they hurt someone unintentionally vs intentionally hurting another?
Very in terms of how quickly I am able to forgive.


3. Is there a limit to how many times you forgive for the same offense?
Yes and no. Someone can do the same thing over and over again and I can still forgive them, but I would probably withdraw emotionally and/or physically in order to protect myself since a pattern of behavior suggests I will be repeatedly hurt.
 

entropie

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Thread creation is only a few clicks away. Then you can talk as long as you want about forgiveness. ;)

hmhm

------------------------------

*talks to self*: why does she want me to create a thread ? Because I create so many threads or have I created a thread about forgiveness once ? Still what do Ts and forgiveness have in common with :whistling: ? Answer cryptic dont show you are confused !!!

------------------------------

Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.
A peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked.
If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers,
Where's the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?
 

Fidelia

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1. When someone does something that hurts you or another can you forgive them?
Yes. I probably am too forgiving. I can only think of one person I haven't forgiven in my life. Although, if the person refuses to admit the harm/hurt they have caused, I have a tendancy to harbor resentment for a long time...aknowledgement of one's mistakes is the key to me quickly forgiving them.


2. How important is intent/motive? Can you forgive them if they hurt someone unintentionally vs intentionally hurting another?
Very in terms of how quickly I am able to forgive.


3. Is there a limit to how many times you forgive for the same offense?
Yes and no. Someone can do the same thing over and over again and I can still forgive them, but I would probably withdraw emotionally and/or physically in order to protect myself since a pattern of behavior suggests I will be repeatedly hurt.


This.
 
P

Phantonym

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hmhm

------------------------------

*talks to self*: why does she want me to create a thread ? Because I create so many threads or have I created a thread about forgiveness once ? Still what do Ts and forgiveness have in common with :whistling: ? Answer cryptic dont show you are confused !!!

------------------------------

Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.
A peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked.
If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers,
Where's the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?

It's ok, hon. I forgive you. :D
 

SilkRoad

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For me, most things either fall into the "there's nothing much to forgive" category (ie. they hardly caused offense at all) or the "extremely difficult to forgive" category.

The latter doesn't happen often, but it has happened when someone has repeatedly treated me with disrespect, taken advantage of my (usually!) good nature, shown that they don't value me and respect my feelings...and also it doesn't help if I have emotionally over-invested in the person.

Under those circumstances, it seems I may never entirely forgive them. Even if they tendered some sort of apology. Like I said, this has only happened a few times, but in a couple of cases, it has lasted for years, so...
 

entropie

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It's ok, hon. I forgive you. :D

You know the sound the cogs make if someone tries to shift into the reverse gear of a manual car without hitting the clutch ?

gggggggggggrrrrrrrräääääääääääääääpppppppppppppppppppppp
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzuuuuuuuuuuuiiiitttttttttttttttttt

The gearbox will never forgive you !!!!!!

But since we are talking about it, I occassionally remind my girlfriend nowadays that she failed to donate me a gift for christmas. That was six years ago, the christmas after we knew each other for 2 months and she didnt know what to donate me.

But I forgive her, I dont really need a x-mas gift... noone really needs that...there are much nicer things to express your love than... pff x-mas gifts... I can perfectly live without x-mas gifts !!! :boohoo:

:D
 

Lacey

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1. When someone does something that hurts you or another can you forgive them?

Usually. I'm pretty lenient.

Even if it's something major, I do my best to work through it, because when I don't forgive someone all this resentment builds up...and that's not good at all.​

2. How important is intent/motive? Can you forgive them if they hurt someone unintentionally vs intentionally hurting another?

Depends. Some things done unintentionally can have worse outcomes than things done intentionally, sometimes.

So I guess for me it's some mixture of intent and consequences.​

3. Is there a limit to how many times you forgive for the same offense?

Maybe? I mean, if somebody kept doing something over and over that they knew was a problem...they would be forgiven, over time, but they might not get to be in my life anymore.

Kind of like my father, for example. He's screwed up over and over (and will most likely continue to do so). I've forgiven him, and I'm civil to him and get along with him just fine. But I will never trust or rely on him, and will never have a true relationship with him. There's this wall I've had to put up to protect myself emotionally. But I've forgiven him, and will continue to do so...because I also understand that he didn't have the best childhood.

I've just kind of learned to accept the situation as it is, and move on.​
 

Unkindloving

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1. When someone does something that hurts you or another can you forgive them?
With time and communication, yes.

2. How important is intent/motive? Can you forgive them if they hurt someone unintentionally vs intentionally hurting another?
I can forgive for both. In each case, the person needs to recognize what they did, why it was an issue, and seek to change it. People who unintentionally hurt someone have the same ability to do it over and over again (maybe even more ability to do so at times.)

3. Is there a limit to how many times you forgive for the same offense?

It depends on the person and situation. I will start being more abrupt and withdrawn if an issue keeps up. I may even blow a fuse at a point if it's that bad.


Can I say something too ?

*raising the arm* ahmahmahmahm !!!!
This was obnoxiously cute, especially with that avatar :wubbie:
 

Moiety

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1. When someone does something that hurts you or another can you forgive them?

I forgive if someone shows they want forgiveness. If they don't, or if it was really bad on their part, I'll just look at it very logically with preservation (of self or other person) in mind. If fire burn, then don't stick your hand in the fire and preserve a certain distance.


2. How important is intent/motive? Can you forgive them if they hurt someone unintentionally vs intentionally hurting another?

I will forgive them more easily if it was unintentionally. But I will lecture them about it so that they grow aware of it in the future.


3. Is there a limit to how many times you forgive for the same offense?

I never had to deal with this scenario on my life. I think it's because I interact with people in a way that doesn't make them take my trust for granted, from day one.
 

CuriousFeeling

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1. When someone does something that hurts you or another can you forgive them?

Depends on what they did, and their intentions. Sometimes I forgive, other times it can be hard, especially if my trust is betrayed.


2. How important is intent/motive? Can you forgive them if they hurt someone unintentionally vs intentionally hurting another?

Motive is very important to take into consideration. Unintentional hurting, perhaps a bit easier to forgive, but depends on the context of the situation.

3. Is there a limit to how many times you forgive for the same offense?
I have the 3 strikes you're out policy.
 

Trapeze Swinger

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1. When someone does something that hurts you or another can you forgive them?

Yes, often. It definitely dependents on how badly they hurt me, but generally if given time I forgive.

2. How important is intent/motive? Can you forgive them if they hurt someone unintentionally vs intentionally hurting another?
Crucial. Unintentional actions that cause pain are easier to forgive than intentionally hurting someone. To consciously know you have caused someone pain disgusts me. When I do something that I know really hurts someone I don’t forgive myself easily.
Although, I can forgive cruel remarks in the heat of the moment. I generally let those go easily if I see the person has shown remorse of some sort.

3. Is there a limit to how many times you forgive for the same offense?
Yeah, I feel like after a few times you should know better. Although, to be honest, I don’t know an exact number, it depends on the offense and how horrible it is.

”Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.” Mark Twain.
 
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