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  1. #21
    Senior Member scortia's Avatar
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    1. When someone does something that hurts you or another can you forgive them?
    If they hurt just me, in most cases it doesn't even bother me. (or I'm just going to bubble over someday... maybe haha) My position on forgiveness is that someone who thinks they've done something that requires forgiveness, I will easily forgive them. People who won't take responsibility for their actions and don't feel like they need forgiveness, I won't forgive. It's about integrity and self-awareness. Forgiveness can be pretty vague with me though. I haven't forgiven some friends for things but I still act just fine with them... but those things will always sit in my head if a similar situation pops up.

    2. How important is intent/motive? Can you forgive them if they hurt someone unintentionally vs intentionally hurting another?
    It's all about intention for me really. Unintentionally hurting someone is nothing. If someone puts themselves first and walks over another person, that's 100x's worse.


    3. Is there a limit to how many times you forgive for the same offense?
    Hmm, I "let go" of a lot. I had one friend who was manipulative... I saw her use people and perform selfishly in most things that she did time and time again. I'm still an optimist and I hoped she'd come around in due time. I eventually started nudging her about her actions... that didn't take, so the next situation that popped up I blew up. Literally, blew up. By that point, there's no forgiveness left in me unless that person turns their life around. Unfortunately, practically no one does. The few friends that I've confronted in almost the same situation each time will take what I say and make themselves into a victim and spit venom about me for years. So yeah, absolutely no willingness to look internally. Once again, what is there to forgive in a person who refuses to move forward? Ugh, my least favorite sort of person in the world really.

  2. #22
    Senior Member mr.awesome's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Happy Puppy View Post
    Calling all Feelers!

    1. When someone does something that hurts you or another can you forgive them?
    It takes awhile, ill probably be stubborn about it for a long time, then ill try to take a logical look at the situation, calm my nerves, and just let it go, put it behind me. its still there breathing down my back but at least its behind me haha.

    Quote Originally Posted by Happy Puppy View Post
    2. How important is intent/motive? Can you forgive them if they hurt someone unintentionally vs intentionally hurting another?
    if it was intentional i will probably listen to Daggermouth for weeks and be pissed as all get out at you, forgiveness will not be in your near future and ill probably think youre a joke for the rest of your life. tough but true :/ rarely i will come to terms with peoples impulsive behaviors and accept and forgive their innapropriate behavior. if its unintentional its defiantly alot easier to forgive.

    Quote Originally Posted by Happy Puppy View Post
    3. Is there a limit to how many times you forgive for the same offense?
    if i really like the person or i know i will have to put up with them, i will forgive them definatly, but i will lose trust with each time. as they know it hurts me. this question for me is basically where forgiveness takes the passenger seat and trust takes over.
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  3. #23
    Senior Member Chunes's Avatar
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    1. When someone does something that hurts you or another can you forgive them?

    Yes. Of course.

    2. How important is intent/motive? Can you forgive them if they hurt someone unintentionally vs intentionally hurting another?

    Like just about everything else in the universe, intent matters as much as effect. At the present time I do have a harder time forgiving intentional malice than any other hurt, but it still must be forgiven with the same completeness that I would otherwise give.

    3. Is there a limit to how many times you forgive for the same offense?

    In theory, no. To withhold forgiveness is to carry an unneeded burden upon yourself. Turn the other cheek, give your jacket to he that sues you for your cloak, etc.

    In practice, I would be lying if I said that forgiving multiple times for the same offense is ever easy, but it is a battle that must be fought.
    "If you would convince a man that he does wrong, do right. But do not care to convince him. Men will believe what they see. Let them see."
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  4. #24
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Happy Puppy View Post
    Calling all Feelers!

    1. When someone does something that hurts you or another can you forgive them?


    2. How important is intent/motive? Can you forgive them if they hurt someone unintentionally vs intentionally hurting another?


    3. Is there a limit to how many times you forgive for the same offense?


    i don't relate much to the idea of forgiveness...i don't hold grudges...i don't have expectations...i try to understand situations or behavior and i either accept it or i don't and i change my opinion and therefore relationship or actions regarding it....not out of dislike or hate...or failed expectations...but just out of processing new information and feeling differently.

    or maybe it's the same thing and i just view it differently...hell i even confuse myself. :/
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  5. #25
    Senior Member BlueFlame's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Happy Puppy View Post
    Calling all Feelers!

    1. When someone does something that hurts you or another can you forgive them?
    I delude myself into thinking I forgive them. Cerebrally, I do, and I will never bring it up again, but I don't let go of the pain, because I shoved it deep down into the void from the beginning and forgot it was even there.
    Eventually, it all comes out, and eventually, I remember what it was there for, and I completely forgive to be at peace.
    Yep.


    2. How important is intent/motive? Can you forgive them if they hurt someone unintentionally vs intentionally hurting another?
    I can forgive anyone of anything, eventually. But I will have nothing to do with anyone who hurts another person intentionally ever again.


    3. Is there a limit to how many times you forgive for the same offense?
    Not a hard and fast one, because, like I said, intentions matter. If someone keeps unintentionally hurting me over and over every week, I'm going to move on just to avoid the pain. But if someone does it every once in a while out of habit or defense or stress or whatever, I can deal.


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  6. #26
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    1. When someone does something that hurts you or another can you forgive them?

    It's what separates humanity from the animals no? That we can change, learn and grow from our mistakes. That our hurts can actually be lessons learned and blessings in hindsight.
    Of course I can forgive people who have hurt me.. as I hope the people I have hurt can forgive me.

    2. How important is intent/motive? Can you forgive them if they hurt someone unintentionally vs intentionally hurting another?

    The real intent is after the fact.. Is there a genuine remorse, regret and a need for forgiveness?

    As for motive.. what is the basis of the motive? When people are hurt they will react in ways out of character, do and say things they would not do or say if they were not hurt. so even if the motive was to lash out and hurt with intention, we have all been hurt and fought back against that pain.
    There are a LOT of hurting people out there


    3. Is there a limit to how many times you forgive for the same offense?


    Not if real effort is being made to change.. However if real effort is being made the same issue will not keep popping up.
    So at some point I might back off and say enough.. but I still wont close the door on anyone if at some point they choose to grow.


    Finally I would like to add.. I have a much more difficult time forgiving myself. and I am sure the two are related, So I wonder why I can be so flexible with others and not myself??

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