I'm a long time lurker on Typology Central and this is my first post. Seems like a great community and I'm glad to be part of it!
What finally compelled me to post is this extremely confusing situation I'm in with another INFJ. Here's the situation in a nutshell: I met him 8 months ago through a mutual friend and instantly felt a connection/attraction to him. We went out on a number of dates, were getting closer, and then he abruptly said he didn't feel like he could be in a relationship with anyone, and that it was nothing personal against me. I was disappointed but backed off. About a month later we ran into each other again and began spending time together as friends. We talk about everything and he's repeatedly told me that he feels like he can talk to me about things he can't talk to anyone else about. (I feel the same way).
I've always continued to have romantic feelings for him, and about 3 months ago I started to feel like I was getting a romantic vibe from him again. He started paying for my dinner every time we'd go out, would call me almost daily, would buy me presents, do nice things, tell me I looked beautiful, the whole nine yards. Then, about a month ago I couldn't take the ambiguity anymore. One night we were spending time together and I blurted out that I had strong romantic feelings for him and that I just needed to know if he did too. He got really emotional and said that he definitely has strong romantic feelings for me too, but is still worried that his "issues" would get in the way (i.e. he's a recovering alcoholic (but has been sober for 8 years) and is in therapy for some abuse issues he dealt with as a kid). We talked for a long time that night, and at the end of the night he said he wanted to start a relationship with me. However, almost immediately off the bat he seemed to have hesitations. It was like I could feel him pull away every time we would start to get close. I confronted him last week, asked him if this was really what he wanted, and he said he loves me but isn't sure he is ready for a relationship. Same as when we first met! Except this time it was much more emotional and there was more at stake since we'd admitted to mutual feelings. Throughout the conversation he kept changing his mind, saying, "well maybe I'm wrong, maybe I do actually want a relationship." I finally told him that his indecisiveness was a sign that he must not be ready and that we should go our separate ways. It was highly emotional. I ran into him a few days ago, and both of us were choking back tears again.
So here's my issue...even though things have been very rocky (at best) with us when we proceed into romantic territory, I am still not convinced for some reason that walking away entirely from it was the right thing to do! I've never felt such a strong connection with someone, its like I've known him my entire life or something. He always says he feels the same way about me. Spending time with him and talking to him has really helped me grow alot as a person and I also really enjoy just being with him. There's a part of me that wonders if things would eventually work out if we stuck it out long enough? Or maybe I'm just dillusional? Codependent?
What should I do? Just wait it out and hopefully get over it in time, or try to just be friends again? I've never been this baffled about a relationship before. Please help!