[ENFP] ENFP wants to date INTJ

[Uytuun]

If this is true, does it then follow that an INTJ would find the ENFP unattractive and disappointing when the ENFP has periods of being introspective, serious or depressed?

Nah, then we just try to help.

 

[EffEmDoubleyou]

I agree with uumlau completely, and I approve of this thread

 

[boondocked]

If this is true, does it then follow that an INTJ would find the ENFP unattractive and disappointing when the ENFP has periods of being introspective, serious or depressed?

Naw. INTJs definitely understand introspection and seriousness, IME. I doubt they'd be disappointed to find those traits in someone else, even their typically bouncing-ball-of-radiant-energy ENFP.

No well-developed person is going to be one note all the time, I think. If an ENFP were to wield a joy for life that is never toned down to match anyone else's mood or serious situations or what have you, that would be annoying and probably fake (people fluctuate goddammit). A personality trait isn't a trait because you always show it, or feel it. It's a more general constant, I think.

So, even if an ENFP were to be put off the lust for life for months at a time, I think any reasonable person (and what is the INTJ if not reasonable!) would just be extra-supportive and enjoy the calmer energy.

Depression, on the other hand, would be a little different, probably. Any relationship with people of any type would have to give a little in terms of expectations. However, my ENFP friend deals with frequent depressive bouts and her INTJ adores her all the same. Because she's the same girl, all passion and tenacity, just darker and tougher.

My theory still remains that INTJs decide on you. Once they've done that, they're just simply committed to loving you. No matter what moods or illness may come. Is my experience.

 

[uumlau]

Yeah, we just decide. Regardless of the others' MBTI. It doesn't necessarily work out, but that's how INTJs do it. If an INTJ decides on you, you either have to decide to leave the INTJ or really, really, really f-ck up. Both have been known to happen.

 

[Edgar]

I think it's easier to bond with an F relationship wise (you take less of a chance with your feelings), but I'm not sure that means it's the best choice.

That's silly. Just because another F is more in tune with your feelings, doesn't mean he won't use them against you.

Also, you sound FJ.

 

[gromit]

Also, you sound FJ.

Me? Or Elaur? If me, can you explain more?

To be honest, I don't REALLY know if I'm an ENFP at all. It makes sense to me that I am that, based on how I feel and behave when I am most "myself," and that's what I tend to get on the tests (or occasionally INFP), but I do also seem to fill a wide range of roles based on the situation, who I'm with, what I'm doing.

So, who even knows?

I work really hard at what I perceive as my weaknesses - conflict aversion, inability to distinguish others' emotions from my own, certain types of self-discipline, excessive need for social affirmation, etc. I guess I am interested in Myers-Briggs for this reason primarily (as well as the application in human relationships in general) - if I can understand my own tendencies, then I have more options in terms of moving forward.

 

[gromit]

I agree with uumlau completely, and I approve of this thread

I sure do love approval...

 

[gromit]

Wow...I'm just thinking about the part where both of you get needy and insecure and angsty...how is that even possible?

I don't know... I talked about it on another thread somewhere, but mostly if the other person isn't comfortable approaching the-not-so-fun conversations then they just sort of get bigger and bigger. I'm working on being more upfront about things and I would like someone who hopefully can deal with it too.

 

[gromit]

As for dating an INTJ, I agree with purplesunset in that it's best to like someone and then find out they are an INTJ. Attraction is always the first step, at least for me.

Well... usually I do find myself attracted, but just scared to approach further. I don't even really know how I ended up with the INTJ friends that I have now. More through common friends first, I suppose, and then it just happened.

Good luck tah yah.

Thank you.

 

[gromit]

Ok let me clarify on that last part. I am attracted and intimidated, and therefore I suspect that they might be INTJ because of how I have felt around new INTJs (my two female INTJ friends) in the past, and I want to date them because of the attraction and because of how beneficial the INTJ friendships have been for me... it just feels right, but I can't get past myself to actually go for it. Or at least I haven't been able to in the past.

 

[uumlau]

Ok let me clarify on that last part. I am attracted and intimidated, and therefore I suspect that they might be INTJ because of how I have felt around new INTJs (my two female INTJ friends) in the past, and I want to date them because of the attraction and because of how beneficial the INTJ friendships have been for me... it just feels right, but I can't get past myself to actually go for it. Or at least I haven't been able to in the past.

So go say, "Hi!" already.

Meeting people is about meeting people. MBTI helps only after getting to know someone.

 

[Amargith]

Or..alternatively, go fascinate them

Honestly, INTJs observe more and hide more than you think. I noticed that if I was near them and I was into my own thing, being happy and puzzled about stuff, they'd glance over and stare. Somehow being random and illogical puzzles them to the point where they get curious enough to approach you...if you answer their eyecontact at least

Of course, this could be the female-male dynamics..but you have that natural charisma..do something with it. They're suckers for it

 

[Thalassa]

Ok let me clarify on that last part. I am attracted and intimidated, and therefore I suspect that they might be INTJ because of how I have felt around new INTJs (my two female INTJ friends) in the past, and I want to date them because of the attraction and because of how beneficial the INTJ friendships have been for me... it just feels right, but I can't get past myself to actually go for it. Or at least I haven't been able to in the past.

I know what you mean about the attracted/intimidated thing. It's kind of funny to see someone else put it into words, because I know EXACTLY what you mean.

But, like, you should go for it. Seriously.

 

[gromit]

Thanks guys! I will see what I can do here... if anything happens, I'll probably get back to you with more to discuss.

 

[Laurie]

That's silly. Just because another F is more in tune with your feelings, doesn't mean he won't use them against you.

How about "it seems like you are taking less chance with your feelings."

Also, you sound FJ.

I certainly hope you meant someone other than me.

 

[Synarch]

I copied my INTJ friend too. She relied back "Your poem makes me want to pee. " I just started laughing my ass off. It's like INTJs possess total enfp-emo quench-power.

That's awesome! I have this really close friend who is an INTJ and I've known him for like 12 years. He's one of my two closest friends and I have very few friends. Occasionally if I start losing my mind about something I will call him and we'll talk things over. He's always very compassionate and patient and I can tell he's not annoyed, which is rare for most people when you're having a bit of a meltdown. Anyway, sometimes I will ask questions like "Why am I having such a hard time with xyz?" And he'll say, "Because you're gay."

It's actually the perfect response because it brings me back down to earth and allows me to not take things so seriously, which is often part of the problem.

 

[sculpting]

To continue on this topic-

Do other enfps notice that Ni feels calming? Maybe cause I use so much Ne, but I am distinctly calmed by Ni.

I am stuck in the netherlands and was planning to work in my room. But on the return from work, a man from my partner company began to tell me all about the linguistic basis of some british sayings.

My brain just slowed down. I didn't really need to talk, I just listened and absorbed cadence.

I decided to go to dinner just so I can listen more.

Ni is refreshing and seems to serve as a focal point for Ne.

 

[pyramid]

I am in a very happy relationship with an INTJ. For the record I did not know he was an INTJ nor did I have the intention of dating or living with him when we met (we actually met online through mutual attendance of shows and my friend being in his band.. I will not digress about how romantic meeting someone online is to me .. The first time we met in person was at a mutual friend's birthday) We were inseperable friends from that point and moved in together weeks after meeting and I did not find out until month 5 or 6 that he's a strong INTJ. *swoon*

I am not afraid of having too many expectations. I am a reasonable perfectionist. And we both are really so we see each other's weaknesses as things to overcome... together. He points out how well we work together often! I love balance and we really do make 1 + 1 = 3 by teaming up. We are both talkative and bounce ideas off one another freely all the time. We also each like to be alone a lot but don't mind if and might even prefer if the other person is simply present and we keep to ourselves.

We synchronistically reach the same conclusions from opposite ends of the spectrum and are both nerds for the same kinds of things. However we both have 1,000,000 additional interests to the ones that coincide, so we maintain our equally cherished independence while really helping one another with reciprocating strengths and can paint a wonderfully complete portrait of any issue that presents a T vs F conflict. "this is how I know it" and "here is the way I feel it"

Noted: he is very open and artistic for a ITJ and I very confident and consistent for a EFP

Downsides? I guess sometimes he's like an automaton that will never factor feeling into making any decision, but I know that's untrue. Sometimes I roll my eyes when his Te gets inane, wild and I crack jokes. He will express that he doesn't know what to do with my poetic terminology or metaphors, and requests that I not speak in such a way when he's upset (and I oblige. He genuinely likes talking to me when he has a problem and tells me I'm helpful )... he will always just be very honest so I can attempt to re-word it or cut to the point.

....So if I don't mystify everything he won't blurt out something that may not be true about it

I'm sure I have other wonderful things to say about my sexy INTJ, more later!

PS-- HappyPuppy, yes I find Ni extremely calming and very valuable!!!

 

[Synarch]

Awwwwww, that's cute.

 

[Little Linguist]

Pyramid, thank you for sharing. In many ways, I could have written the same thing about me and my INT. How interesting.