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  1. #11
    likes this gromit's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by purplesunset View Post
    I think this relationship would have worked best if you were pleasantly surprised. Like you found someone, things are going wonderfully, then, later, you are bowled over as you find out that he's an INTJ.

    However, now you will be seeking INTJ men, and you will have some idealistic expectations of how great the relationship is going to be. Alas..if he falls short of those expectations in any way...

    Also, as has been established in other threads, ascertaining type based on outward characteristics and behaviors isn't terribly reliable. The way to be sure is if you go around asking men what their type is... right in-between taking bites out of your salad while you two are on a date.
    Ha ha ha. Well I guess I have been going with how terrified they make me feel --- in a certain, specific way, based on past experiences. But that might not be the greatest criteria.

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze View Post

    That 'emo poem' email and reaction reminds me of something an INXP friend sent my ISTJ friend. Her reaction was ruthless, basically, "WTF is this and what do you expect me to do with it?"
    Be careful with this "emo-squashing" thing though.

    If someone truly is devoid of emotions/empathy, they are NOT a thinker.

    They likely have some kind of neurosis which makes them a sociopath or they lie somewhere on the autism spectrum.


    Both thinkers and feelers have emotions. As I said on page 1, the difference might be that feelers are much more sophisticated and intelligent when it comes to dealing with melodrama or raw, spontaneous emotions. Thinkers are left at a loss of what to do, or try to stifle them... sometimes at their own peril.
    The purple sun won't heal my purple bruises :ouch:

  3. #13
    Senior Member Uytuun's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze View Post
    I like the idea of "emo quench power" in a way that makes you laugh and makes you feel secure. I could see how two NFs could end up exacerbating the situation in our attempts to console/help one another.
    INTJs can be NFy in this regard and take your feelings "too" seriously or get lost in them, though. I've seen this in males and females, old and young.

  4. #14
    Junior Member cmrain's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by purplesunset View Post
    For NT's, there must be a difference then between

    ---the abstract, pure emotion that is found in poetry, literature, or when reflecting on someone we care about, and

    --- the raw, spontaneous emotion that is found in someone who comes for a shoulder to cry on, or someone who sends us a melodramatic poem via e-mail.

    We can do very well with the former, but the latter can be downright horrifying (whether it is from ourselves or from another)
    We INTJ types do a wonderful job of expressing our emotions intellectually. That may be the best way for other personality types to understand how we express our many feelings. Just because it may be abstract does not make it any less real for us. In fact we may feel more emotion and feel more alive in that case. Literature and poetry are excellent venues. Our Te extroverted thinking function has a veritable hay day. Te as an auxiliary function also seems to be critical in a match with an ENFP. I find ENFP's very easy to talk to and very easy to approach. Not so with other types.

    Good example.

  5. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by purplesunset View Post
    I think this relationship would have worked best if you were pleasantly surprised. Like you found someone, things are going wonderfully, then, later, you are bowled over as you find out that he's an INTJ.

    However, now you will be seeking INTJ men, and you will have some idealistic expectations of how great the relationship is going to be. Alas..if he falls short of those expectations in any way...
    Also, as has been established in other threads, ascertaining type based on outward characteristics and behaviors isn't terribly reliable. The way to be sure is if you go around asking men what their type is... right in-between taking bites out of your salad while you two are on a date.
    Valid point.

  6. #16
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    I think it's easier to bond with an F relationship wise (you take less of a chance with your feelings), but I'm not sure that means it's the best choice.

  7. #17
    Senior Member boondocked's Avatar
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    See, and I find it easier dating T men. The T always gets me cause it seems aloof, but after we've been dating awhile and we fall in the love, the chill goes completely away and the T/F divide only really comes up during arguments. As long as you've got a dude willing to compromise, it should all be cake or gravy or something else that's deceptively simple.

    As for dating an INTJ, I agree with purplesunset in that it's best to like someone and then find out they are an INTJ. Attraction is always the first step, at least for me. I'm sure there are INTJs that would put me off my lunch and I'm sure there are INTJs who wouldn't be down for the disorganized, disorientating experience of dating me.

    That said, I'm often drawn to INTJs off the bat, and they to me. They're intimidating because they're so self-sufficient and independent, but WE ARE TOO. If we work at it. And we bring happiness wherever we go, and why wouldn't the INTJ want that? In my experience, INTJs first find this cheerfulness amusing then find it loveable and then impossible to be without. Because it's not a thoughtless happiness, but an exuberance for living.

    When it comes to getting really close to an INTJ, I think of it as a long path with LOTS of gateways. At each gateway, he/she has to make a decision for or against even more closeness. Once the decision is made, the INTJ DOESN'T go back and re-evaluate. He's decided on you. As long as he keeps deciding on you at every gateway, there is no limit to the emotional depths the relationship can reach.

    My INTJ ex-boyfriend and I had a tremendous relationship, though, so I'm biased. Sometimes I think I over-romanticize it because HEY!, that's what I do, but my brother confirms that it was as great to watch as it was for me to experience. In the end, though, I was very fundamentally unready to settle down permanently.

    So beware, you may find that after all the effort to snag an INTJ, you'll run into a hitch with your own self! It happens.

    Good luck tah yah.

  8. #18
    Happy Dancer uumlau's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by boondocked View Post
    And we bring happiness wherever we go, and why wouldn't the INTJ want that? In my experience, INTJs first find this cheerfulness amusing then find it loveable and then impossible to be without. Because it's not a thoughtless happiness, but an exuberance for living.

  9. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Happy Puppy View Post
    I copied my INTJ friend too. She relied back "Your poem makes me want to pee. " I just started laughing my ass off. It's like INTJs possess total enfp-emo quench-power.
    I sometimes wonder if my best friend from high school is an ENTJ and not an ENFJ...she says stuff like "your poem makes me want to pee" ALL OF THE TIME. She's also tested as ENTJ before. I've known her since she was 14, and one of the things that I love love love about her is that wacky, weird, strangely comforting yet vaguely insulting sense of humor and quick wit that she has. I wonder if it's an NTJ thing or just an Ni thing, in which case she's still ENFJ.

    Back on topic, I agree with whomever is saying that INTJs are a little intimidating. I feel that too.

  10. #20
    Senior Member Heart&Brain's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by boondocked View Post
    That said, I'm often drawn to INTJs off the bat, and they to me. They're intimidating because they're so self-sufficient and independent, but WE ARE TOO. If we work at it. And we bring happiness wherever we go, and why wouldn't the INTJ want that? In my experience, INTJs first find this cheerfulness amusing then find it loveable and then impossible to be without. Because it's not a thoughtless happiness, but an exuberance for living.
    If this is true, does it then follow that an INTJ would find the ENFP unattractive and disappointing when the ENFP has periods of being introspective, serious or depressed?

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