I think I need some help with understanding what's holding me back from reaching my full potential to be happy. I tend to focus on giving and helping others so that harmony can be present in my relationships. I have been exploring why I feel so unmotivated and I doubt I am actually depressed. Throughout my life, I have spent all my mental energy escaping myself and living apart from myself, while being aware of who I am. I know that sounds hard to understand as it sounds contradictory, but it's hard to explain. I guess the easier way to present it, would be to say that I struggle with self loathing to the core, and I know my reasons why.
I just don't know how to change the ways I think and feel about myself as it seems to change the negative self talk to positive just feels like such a lie. I have wondered if this is mainly an INFJ issue, or does everybody actually do this? I want to see myself differently and like myself. Maybe I just spend too much time in introspection and I think myself in circles while my "id and ego" battle it out. I believe I see the world through the eyes of my higher mind. I'm always aware of what is going on with others, even if they are unaware of it themselves, and I feel like a hypocrit if I try to offer ways to help make their life better when I can't even do that for myself.
I need to be more motivated for positive reasons, rather than from plain and simple needing to be responsible, reliable and accountable to myself and others in my life. I'm hoping for some suggestions from other INFJ's. Thanks.