OP - xNFP and selfishness?
Honestly, it's really all a matter of perception.
We NFPs due to Fi tend to wallow in our emotions to try to enhance and improve our understanding of where those feelings are coming from, what they mean, why we're having them in the first place, etc. We take a very analytical approach to emotions that is purely subjective and particular to the individual. To those who don't understand Fi or it baffles them, they tend to see the NFP's way of handling feelings (sorry to leave SFPs out - I can't comment on FiSe) as selfish without understanding that, through intellectualizing feelings and understanding their origin and whatpurpose they serve, we Fi-doms/auxs empathize more acutely that way. From another angle, Fi users could claim NFJs of being fake and insincere because they are nice and polite and engage in conversation even when they don't like the people they're interacting with. We could call them superficial because they yield to the whims of the entire group, which would always leave some others out. We could accuse them of disregarding the minority, social outcasts, those not accounted for in the group. We could even call them selfish because we think their motives are
really meant for self-promotion and advancing their own social ambitions. However, that would be
wrong. Some are unfortunately that way and attain their pride from helping other people. They like the dependency. But for the most part, I know that NFJs truly care about others and theur well-being and want to create an overall harmony. Personally, I see Fi as deep and Fe as expansive, and I think both are quite essential to a promising society.
Further, this is also why I agree to an extent with naming INFPs the Healer. Although I think Kiersey's description of
all MBTI is a bit vapid and establishes only the positives of each, I think the Healer description of the INFPs was intended to highlight that Fi, since it's an internal analysis of feeling, has the greatest potential to be an empathizer, or at least the most genuine. That is
not to say that other types cannot be empathizers because they can, but as one considers the limitations of human empathy and the function and utility of Fi (what it actually does), then I can see quite clearly why we're deemed the "Healer."
Your responses seem to assume that simply explaining the way his behavior negatively impacts me will convince him to change. What if it doesn't?
He will, particularly if he values you as a friend. If he is a healthy, mature, and balanced INFP, he is probably both introspective about his identity and feelings
and about those around him. The latter he uses as a gauge to better understand himself so that he can empathize more easily with other people. It's all circular.
However, if by chance his values
are being compromised by the friendship then he's probably been distancing himself from you for a while now. He'll keep a wall up between you two to protect himself but will still be cordial and friendly to you like before. Sometimes, a comment or behavior can key us into something about you that may go go against a value and ultimately our identity (i.e, you hold certain ideas that we consider vulgar or offensive, etc). We distance, in that case, without telling you because we often don't have any other evidence other than our feelings to prove that you "feel" or "believe" certain things or that you will behave a certain way in the future. Most of the time we are right, but we can't prove it until it happens - and even then we're hesitant to say something because we don't want you to feel like we're plotting against you. Also, he'll probably stay true to himself if it ever comes between your friendship and his values because to the INFP going against his values would not only be going against himself but also against the greater good (as silly and irrational as that seems).
