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[INFJ] Are INFJs naturally fascinated with ENTPs?

Synarch

Once Was
Joined
Oct 14, 2008
Messages
8,445
MBTI Type
ENTP
I think it has more to do with me liking people that are not easy to figure out. Often people who aren't easy to figure out aren't emotionally healthy which makes them behave in contradictory ways. It took me awhile to learn to recognize the difference between truly confident men, and men who just hide their insecurities in strong-appearing ways.

My dad was quite warm and very approving and supportive. He is an ISTJ though whose upbringing and birth order made it so that no one sees much of his inner world. I think that's a loss for everyone involved. My mum's an ENFJ.

If you can't figure someone out, it is difficult to be close.
 

Fidelia

Iron Maiden
Staff member
Joined
May 31, 2009
Messages
14,497
MBTI Type
INFJ
Yes, and that's the problem. I have a driving need for closeness. I think some people like the comfort that they feel because I pursue closenes in any important relationships to me. However, if they are used to putting up a facade of confidence and strength that is not actually there, they draw back when they become too close because it is too threatening for someone to know who they really are. Little flashes peek through from time to time though and in the past, that's what made me keep putting in superhuman amounts of effort.

I finally realized that unless someone has dealt with their own issues, they are likely to unintentionally distance and hurt those around them even if they do truly love them and want intimacy (but it's too vulnerable to risk).
 

lane777

nevermore
Joined
Oct 23, 2008
Messages
635
Fear can be mistaken as fickleness.

ENTP's so intensively engage others, are seemingly so invested in every stranger they meet... I would never have suspected fear in such a wholehearted approach. So your tactic is, smother the prospect with so much charm that you can be confident they will return for more... and if they don't, your insecurities make you run? How often do you approach the same person before you do?

What could possibly feel more alone than being surrounded with people yet close to no one?

*shudders* I would rather be alone than not understood.
 

Synarch

Once Was
Joined
Oct 14, 2008
Messages
8,445
MBTI Type
ENTP
ENTP's so intensively engage others, are seemingly so invested in every stranger they meet... I would never have suspected fear in such a wholehearted approach. So your tactic is, smother the prospect with so much charm that you can be confident they will return for more... and if they don't, your insecurities make you run? How often do you approach the same person before you do?

No. We hide in the cloud of charm. It is akin to squid ink. Don't see me while I dazzle you. The best place to hide is in the open.

alectron.jpg



*shudders* I would rather be alone than not understood.

Water, water, every where,
And all the boards did shrink ;
Water, water, every where,
Nor any drop to drink.
 

simulatedworld

Freshman Member
Joined
Nov 7, 2008
Messages
5,552
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
7w6
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
One thing that you've helped me better understand is that ENTPs are actually a good deal more affected by what happens to them than one may initially believe based on what they see on the surface. I think that's actually one of the factors that makes them interesting to me. I've considered the fact though that an unhealthy ENTP could really do a number on me because of the flashes of sincerity and longing for closeness, mixed with what looks like distance and fickleness. That push/pull dynamic can be rather compelling.

We do have a bizarre combination of need for external approval + need to not give the impression that we need external approval. :D


ENTP's so intensively engage others, are seemingly so invested in every stranger they meet... I would never have suspected fear in such a wholehearted approach. So your tactic is, smother the prospect with so much charm that you can be confident they will return for more... and if they don't, your insecurities make you run? How often do you approach the same person before you do?

It's designed to look fearless. We just mix it up enough to keep people off guard so that they won't figure out what we're really after, because we dislike being figured out. That ruins the game. We're not really very invested in every stranger; we just get bored really easily so we'll engage most anybody just in case something interesting comes of it. It's not so much smothering with charm to make them come back as it is testing them to see if they can withstand our off-kilter personalities, to find out if we can really be ourselves around them...and of course, just to see how they'll react. Curiosity about what will happen when we push the next button is usually the main motivator.
 

Synarch

Once Was
Joined
Oct 14, 2008
Messages
8,445
MBTI Type
ENTP
Yes, and that's the problem. I have a driving need for closeness. I think some people like the comfort that they feel because I pursue closenes in any important relationships to me. However, if they are used to putting up a facade of confidence and strength that is not actually there, they draw back when they become too close because it is too threatening for someone to know who they really are. Little flashes peek through from time to time though and in the past, that's what made me keep putting in superhuman amounts of effort.

I finally realized that unless someone has dealt with their own issues, they are likely to unintentionally distance and hurt those around them even if they do truly love them and want intimacy (but it's too vulnerable to risk).

All projections of strength are facades.
 

Fidelia

Iron Maiden
Staff member
Joined
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Messages
14,497
MBTI Type
INFJ
Where were you people a few years ago? That would have been terribly helpful to know. Speaking of which, do you think some types are more inclined to be that way? (Project strength, desperately need approval, do anything to avoid showing that they need approval). I've run into it more with E _ T _ types, but that may just be our combo of personalities interacting or maybe just the specific ones I have met.
 

Synarch

Once Was
Joined
Oct 14, 2008
Messages
8,445
MBTI Type
ENTP
Where were you people a few years ago? That would have been terribly helpful to know. Speaking of which, do you think some types are more inclined to be that way? (Project strength, desperately need approval, do anything to avoid showing that they need approval). I've run into it more with E _ T _ types, but that may just be our combo of personalities interacting or maybe just the specific ones I have met.

What is strength?

It is a tightrope. People can be so strong that you cannot benefit them. Everyone wants to love someone in the way that their love is a unique healing salve.
 

Synarch

Once Was
Joined
Oct 14, 2008
Messages
8,445
MBTI Type
ENTP
It's designed to look fearless. We just mix it up enough to keep people off guard so that they won't figure out what we're really after, because we dislike being figured out. That ruins the game. We're not really very invested in every stranger; we just get bored really easily so we'll engage most anybody just in case something interesting comes of it. It's not so much smothering with charm to make them come back as it is testing them to see if they can withstand our off-kilter personalities, to find out if we can really be ourselves around them...and of course, just to see how they'll react. Curiosity about what will happen when we push the next button is usually the main motivator.

I distrust feeling figured out because above all I feel that when someone figures me out they will have no other option but to reject or accept me. I assume a lot of the time that I will be rejected, so in a way I prefer being misunderstood. Because if I am misunderstood I am never truly rejected. Only never known.
 

Synarch

Once Was
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Also, I tend to feel that I have to earn someone's love by suffering for it. It can be a bad habit.
 

simulatedworld

Freshman Member
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ENTP
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Where were you people a few years ago? That would have been terribly helpful to know. Speaking of which, do you think some types are more inclined to be that way? (Project strength, desperately need approval, do anything to avoid showing that they need approval). I've run into it more with E _ T _ types, but that may just be our combo of personalities interacting or maybe just the specific ones I have met.

This is probably pretty typical of ETPs, but don't confuse us with ETJs. They're something different altogether. They do need a certain form of approval from the external world, but they're looking for it and evaluating it in very different terms.
 

Lux

Kraken down on piracy
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Messages
1,458
I distrust feeling figured out because above all I feel that when someone figures me out they will have no other option but to reject or accept me. I assume a lot of the time that I will be rejected, so in a way I prefer being misunderstood. Because if I am misunderstood I am never truly rejected. Only never known.

Although there is a distrust, is there a craving to be known if utter acceptance is the result? Or is there preference in the unknown because of comfort?
 

Fidelia

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How would you describe that? The two types I've noticed that most with are ESTJ and ENTJ.
 

Fidelia

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I have to go. I hope you're both on later. I have more questions about what you wrote to ask you Synarch.
 

lane777

nevermore
Joined
Oct 23, 2008
Messages
635
No. We hide in the cloud of charm. It is akin to squid ink. Don't see me while I dazzle you. The best place to hide is in the open.

Water, water, every where,
And all the boards did shrink ;
Water, water, every where,
Nor any drop to drink.

Ptttt whatever. Your kind talks so much you give yourselves away :rolleyes:
 

Synarch

Once Was
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Messages
8,445
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ENTP
Although there is a distrust, is there a craving to be known if utter acceptance is the result? Or is there preference in the unknown because of comfort?

Of course there is always a desire for love (acceptance). It is just difficult to believe sometimes that anyone could ever really love you. I think this is why I gravitate towards INXJ types for friends, etc. I only believe the bonds that develop over time through mutual and gradual exposure. Shedding armor and revealing one's nakedness and vulnerability over time. I do not trust or believe in that which is easily won. Even when loved consistently it takes a lot of time for it all to sink in. Patience and recognition and true appreciation.
 

EcK

The Memes Justify the End
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Also, I tend to feel that I have to earn someone's love by suffering for it. It can be a bad habit.

:huh:


350__1_604092-1.jpg
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to the op: what's up with the use of big words?
 
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