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  1. #41
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    I think it has more to do with me liking people that are not easy to figure out. Often people who aren't easy to figure out aren't emotionally healthy which makes them behave in contradictory ways. It took me awhile to learn to recognize the difference between truly confident men, and men who just hide their insecurities in strong-appearing ways.

    My dad was quite warm and very approving and supportive. He is an ISTJ though whose upbringing and birth order made it so that no one sees much of his inner world. I think that's a loss for everyone involved. My mum's an ENFJ.
    If you can't figure someone out, it is difficult to be close.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  2. #42
    Cat Wench ReadingRainbows's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    Just a feeling.
    Possibly. I'd like to know what your feeling is based on though. As an interest though.
    Quote Originally Posted by EffEmDoubleyou View Post
    St. Stephen took rocks and St. Sebastian took arrows. You only have to take some jerks on an internet forum. Nut up.

  3. #43
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rainbows View Post
    Possibly. I'd like to know what your feeling is based on though. As an interest though.
    You seem rather earthy to me.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  4. #44
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Yes, and that's the problem. I have a driving need for closeness. I think some people like the comfort that they feel because I pursue closenes in any important relationships to me. However, if they are used to putting up a facade of confidence and strength that is not actually there, they draw back when they become too close because it is too threatening for someone to know who they really are. Little flashes peek through from time to time though and in the past, that's what made me keep putting in superhuman amounts of effort.

    I finally realized that unless someone has dealt with their own issues, they are likely to unintentionally distance and hurt those around them even if they do truly love them and want intimacy (but it's too vulnerable to risk).

  5. #45
    nevermore lane777's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    Fear can be mistaken as fickleness.
    ENTP's so intensively engage others, are seemingly so invested in every stranger they meet... I would never have suspected fear in such a wholehearted approach. So your tactic is, smother the prospect with so much charm that you can be confident they will return for more... and if they don't, your insecurities make you run? How often do you approach the same person before you do?

    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post

    What could possibly feel more alone than being surrounded with people yet close to no one?
    *shudders* I would rather be alone than not understood.
    To die would be an awfully big adventure - Peter Pan

    INFJ ~ 4w5 sp/sx ~ RLOAI ~ Inclusion e/w=1/0 (Melancholy Compulsive) Control: e/w=0/6 (Supine) Affection: e/w=4/0 (Phlegmatic Melancholy)

  6. #46
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lane777 View Post
    ENTP's so intensively engage others, are seemingly so invested in every stranger they meet... I would never have suspected fear in such a wholehearted approach. So your tactic is, smother the prospect with so much charm that you can be confident they will return for more... and if they don't, your insecurities make you run? How often do you approach the same person before you do?
    No. We hide in the cloud of charm. It is akin to squid ink. Don't see me while I dazzle you. The best place to hide is in the open.




    *shudders* I would rather be alone than not understood.
    Water, water, every where,
    And all the boards did shrink ;
    Water, water, every where,
    Nor any drop to drink.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  7. #47
    Freshman Member simulatedworld's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    One thing that you've helped me better understand is that ENTPs are actually a good deal more affected by what happens to them than one may initially believe based on what they see on the surface. I think that's actually one of the factors that makes them interesting to me. I've considered the fact though that an unhealthy ENTP could really do a number on me because of the flashes of sincerity and longing for closeness, mixed with what looks like distance and fickleness. That push/pull dynamic can be rather compelling.
    We do have a bizarre combination of need for external approval + need to not give the impression that we need external approval.


    Quote Originally Posted by lane777 View Post
    ENTP's so intensively engage others, are seemingly so invested in every stranger they meet... I would never have suspected fear in such a wholehearted approach. So your tactic is, smother the prospect with so much charm that you can be confident they will return for more... and if they don't, your insecurities make you run? How often do you approach the same person before you do?
    It's designed to look fearless. We just mix it up enough to keep people off guard so that they won't figure out what we're really after, because we dislike being figured out. That ruins the game. We're not really very invested in every stranger; we just get bored really easily so we'll engage most anybody just in case something interesting comes of it. It's not so much smothering with charm to make them come back as it is testing them to see if they can withstand our off-kilter personalities, to find out if we can really be ourselves around them...and of course, just to see how they'll react. Curiosity about what will happen when we push the next button is usually the main motivator.
    If you could be anything you want, I bet you'd be disappointed--am I right?

  8. #48
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Yes, and that's the problem. I have a driving need for closeness. I think some people like the comfort that they feel because I pursue closenes in any important relationships to me. However, if they are used to putting up a facade of confidence and strength that is not actually there, they draw back when they become too close because it is too threatening for someone to know who they really are. Little flashes peek through from time to time though and in the past, that's what made me keep putting in superhuman amounts of effort.

    I finally realized that unless someone has dealt with their own issues, they are likely to unintentionally distance and hurt those around them even if they do truly love them and want intimacy (but it's too vulnerable to risk).
    All projections of strength are facades.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  9. #49
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Where were you people a few years ago? That would have been terribly helpful to know. Speaking of which, do you think some types are more inclined to be that way? (Project strength, desperately need approval, do anything to avoid showing that they need approval). I've run into it more with E _ T _ types, but that may just be our combo of personalities interacting or maybe just the specific ones I have met.

  10. #50
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Where were you people a few years ago? That would have been terribly helpful to know. Speaking of which, do you think some types are more inclined to be that way? (Project strength, desperately need approval, do anything to avoid showing that they need approval). I've run into it more with E _ T _ types, but that may just be our combo of personalities interacting or maybe just the specific ones I have met.
    What is strength?

    It is a tightrope. People can be so strong that you cannot benefit them. Everyone wants to love someone in the way that their love is a unique healing salve.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

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