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  1. #131
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    Just be aware how people can respond to this attention and connection. Not everyone is able to connect with people just to get what they want. Often they connect and feel something they feel with very few. So, there is a bit of responsibility there. I think the INFJ's can underestimate the response from others. Others who might assume that they are special.
    Yep, took me awhile to realize this. Since better understanding that, the weird stalker-esque types seem to have thinned out too.

  2. #132
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by the state i am in View Post
    suggesting that infjs can lack an awareness of social cues and signals that define boundaries and outline intentions? and without spending serious effort and energy maintaining a healthy and accurate portrayal of the situation through these forms of communication, they can lead people on?
    It just seems that for all their ability to understand other people they sometimes have trouble actually seeing other people. They can lack a sort of wariness, taking people as they do essentially at their word and on trust. This can be an error of judgment as consistent as they generally are with respect to their own ethics. I have seen it many times.

    as far as a more far-reaching critique of values, this moves towards infjs needing to be more self-sufficient and less dangerously anais-nin like (assuming we did in fact type her as an infj?) or deriving too much of their identity in their ability to explore others without serious investment?
    I see Anais Nin as definitely INFJ. She possesses a rather potent sexuality that stems almost entirely from her promiscuous receptivity and worship of others.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  3. #133
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Yep, took me awhile to realize this. Since better understanding that, the weird stalker-esque types seem to have thinned out too.
    Do you miss the stalkers?
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  4. #134
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Emotionally promiscuous? I think we just get different things out of interactions than men do. We need emotional exchange more, but in a sense each interaction then means a little less because it is not one of our only interactions of significance.

    I think men compartmentalize sex in a way that women find much harder to do and which makes it harder to believe that in some cases it honestly doesn't mean anything much at all.

  5. #135
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Emotionally promiscuous? I think we just get different things out of interactions than men do. We need emotional exchange more, but in a sense each interaction then means a little less because it is not one of our only interactions of significance.
    I think men associate emotional exchange with intimacy. And emotional intimacy is all bound up with sexual intimacy. I tend to share tender feelings with so few people that they are either family or my romantic partner. I don't really get being so tender just with a friend.

    I think men compartmentalize sex in a way that women find much harder to do and which makes it harder to believe that in some cases it honestly doesn't mean anything much at all.
    Sex never means anything. The emotions are what add meaning to it. Sex does not have intrinsic emotional resonance, I don't think.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  6. #136
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    I don't miss anything except the entertaining stories 10 years after the fact. Like the 400ish pound, ponytailed, twice a day coffee shop visitor, 20 years older than me guy that worked at the porn shop down the road from my friend's coffee shop where I liked to hang out and jam with others. Sometimes I'd clear tables or eat there just because I was around quite a bit. Grim and I rarely exchanged words other than maybe a nod or something, but when I left town, he arranged for me to receive several thoughtfully made pieces of artwork made to represent me and a 10 page letter on fancy stationary apologizing for having hurt me so badly by putting up such high walls, which I could see through anyway. He got all that from me saying, "Are you done with your coffee cup?"

    Or a schitzophrenic man 10 years older than me who believed that my parents were keeping us apart and who wrote letters to my parents telling them in graphic detail that I was woman enough for him to be aware that I craved his body and had displayed my aching longing to him on numerous occasions (followed by letters with religious insults such as "you whited sepulchur" etc directed at my mother after they told him not to continue contacting me).

    Yep...don't miss those days...

  7. #137
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. Sometimes niceness is the worst kind of cruelty there is. To create hope where there should be none.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  8. #138
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    It just seems that for all their ability to understand other people they sometimes have trouble actually seeing other people. They can lack a sort of wariness, taking people as they do essentially at their word and on trust. This can be an error of judgment as consistent as they generally are with respect to their own ethics. I have seen it many times.

    I see Anais Nin as definitely INFJ. She possesses a rather potent sexuality that stems almost entirely from her promiscuous receptivity and worship of others.
    i agree with what you say regarding seeing others. i do not know if infjs filter in a way that does this more than others, or if infjs are often more overly and mistakenly sure of their readings, or if it is just a case of infjs sensitivity in one area not being helpful at all in others and leading to blind spots relationally. i am also not sure if you are suggesting that infjs get hurt or do the hurting. or if they just have a tendency to introduce situations that are potentially damaging to many parties unnecessarily.

    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Emotionally promiscuous? I think we just get different things out of interactions than men do. We need emotional exchange more, but in a sense each interaction then means a little less because it is not one of our only interactions of significance.

    I think men compartmentalize sex in a way that women find much harder to do and which makes it harder to believe that in some cases it honestly doesn't mean anything much at all.
    it does mean something in that it seems like a pretty high priority for many men. but i'd say that the instinctual subtypes are more telling than focusing on gender or biological sex (tho that is different and plays a significant role as well in the construction of desire). (i think sx types just feel more unbalanced, compulsive/addictive, and more desirous of immediate and furious completion rather than waiting, patience, and balance)

    males may be taught to expect less emotional exchange, but that doesn't mean that they like the effect of this absence of lack. nor does it mean that they need it any less.

  9. #139
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Quote:

    I think men associate emotional exchange with intimacy. And emotional intimacy is all bound up with sexual intimacy. I tend to share tender feelings with so few people that they are either family or my romantic partner. I don't really get being so tender just with a friend.

    Sex never means anything. The emotions are what add meaning to it. Sex does not have intrinsic emotional resonance, I don't think.

    Maybe just like it seems odd to you to share tender feelings with someone other than a friend or romantic partner, it would seem odd to me to share sex with someone you have no emotional bond with. Wouldn't feel right or be that satisfying to me. I can't say I open up to all my friends though. There are very few that I care about enough to have initiated conflict with and seen it through till things were okay again. I talk about things that maybe some people would deem personal, but I don't really share the things closest to my heart with many people at all.
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  10. #140
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by the state i am in View Post
    it does mean something in that it seems like a pretty high priority for many men. but i'd say that the instinctual subtypes are more telling than focusing on gender or biological sex (tho that is different and plays a significant role as well in the construction of desire). (i think sx types just feel more unbalanced, compulsive/addictive, and more desirous of immediate and furious completion rather than waiting, patience, and balance)

    males may be taught to expect less emotional exchange, but that doesn't mean that they like the effect of this absence of lack. nor does it mean that they need it any less.
    Big yes to both.

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