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  1. #1
    Senior Member Malkavia's Avatar
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    Default Getting under all those ENFJ layers

    ENFJ have layers and lots of them. They are usually a bit more complicated than other people I know.

    What are some tips you ENFJs have for understanding you or at least learning to appreciate you better?

    One thing I have learned is to not make snap judgements of what an ENFJ is saying or doing because I probably have no idea why they are doing it. Usually with other people I can figure out what someone is thinking and why, but ENFJs keep me stumped and thats why I love them.

  2. #2
    Lungs & Lips Locked Unkindloving's Avatar
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    Ask Questions, Discuss, and Accept.

    ENFJs are strange creatures that will take a lot of misunderstanding toward their external world, but not toward their internal world. I'd say that the internal world is very closed off to others as it's the one area where we actually deal with ourselves and that's a difficult thing for an ENFJ to do in the first place.
    I know that my internal world can be completely closed off from someone if i feel like i have to defend it to them, if they don't understand and refuse to ask questions, or if they aren't open-minded to differences in individuals.

    It feels like ENFPs have some of the best natural potential to get through more layers. They are more prone to play with eccentric concepts and pry in a more welcoming way, accompanied by how obscure they can also be.

    (I would love to hear anyone's differing opinion. I just don't know another type that compares)


    I said this to Mad Hatter the other day about ENFJs - "Emotional time bomb that always wants to be a support beam for other people."
    If you're merely observing, try to take that description into account as you witness their choice of words or actions. Also, how we may advise people isn't usually the way we advise ourselves. There are always bits of that in our advice, but i feel as though we're more extreme with ourselves due to the intensity factor.

    - Likely more later, if i learn to give brief and concise tips
    Hang on traveling woman - Don't sacrifice your plan
    Cause it will come back to you - Before you lose it on the man


    .:: DWTWD ::.

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    2011 TypeC Exercise Challenge - My Weekly Goals: Cardio 4x. Yoga/Pilates 1x. Pushups 70.

    There is this thing keeping everyone's lungs and lips locked - It is called fear and it's seeing a great renaissance

  3. #3
    Senior Member Malkavia's Avatar
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    Default

    Feel free to write as much as you want. In this thread, PM, or otherwise.

  4. #4
    Senior Member BlueFlame's Avatar
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    Yes, questions. My inner world is scary, even to me, and on the rare occasions that I might feel inclined to really open up, I'm constantly second-guessing whether or not I should. Sometimes I just don't want to burden anyone else with myself, or I'm afraid I'll scare them with my intensity, so actually letting me know that you WANT to know can be helpful.
    If you do get through, don't treat it as a small thing, even if the ENFJ appears nonchalant about it. Respond, affirm, ask more questions, and be understanding, or you may never get through again!
    I know one insensitive moment when I'm vulnerable can permanently damage my ability to open up to that person ever again!

    I think it's hard for me to advise on that because I'm very protective of my gushy center and I don't like thinking about how someone can plunge in.

    ~*79% Extraverted*~
    ~*74% iNtuition*~
    ~*74% Feeling*~
    ~*58% Judging*~

    Enneagram Type: SX 3w2

  5. #5
    Senior Member pyramid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlueFlame View Post
    Yes, questions. My inner world is scary, even to me, and on the rare occasions that I might feel inclined to really open up, I'm constantly second-guessing whether or not I should. Sometimes I just don't want to burden anyone else with myself, or I'm afraid I'll scare them with my intensity, so actually letting me know that you WANT to know can be helpful.
    If you do get through, don't treat it as a small thing, even if the ENFJ appears nonchalant about it. Respond, affirm, ask more questions, and be understanding, or you may never get through again!
    I know one insensitive moment when I'm vulnerable can permanently damage my ability to open up to that person ever again!

    I think it's hard for me to advise on that because I'm very protective of my gushy center and I don't like thinking about how someone can plunge in.
    This sounds very ENFP to me too. We seem to be open books but we do keep our most intense thoughts to ourselves and if you can ask a provocative enough question to get to the chewy center, congrats!

    ENFP will let you get very near the center though without much effort -- ENFJ are more reserved in this aspect.

  6. #6
    Senior Member flameskull95's Avatar
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    Isn't it the same for INFJ's???
    I'm a INFP - The sociopath

    I think I'm either a 4w5, 4w3, 6w5 or 9w1. Most possibly 4w5.

    Feeling FiNe

  7. #7
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pyramid View Post
    ENFJ are more reserved in this aspect.
    I agree. I have found once you give them a solid base of trust and open communication, they will open up more. The key is to not interrupt and to be genuinely interested in what they have to say. If they get one whiff that you aren't, the game is up and they close up. I'm not saying to drop everything, sitting with adoring attention lavished on every word. I just mean listen, make eye contact. Those normal courtesies go very far with ENFJ's.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

  8. #8
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    Fe does seem to be the sports bra of functions. Hard to get underneath, and even if you do, you've probably sprained your wrist.



  9. #9
    Pumpernickel
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    Quote Originally Posted by JocktheMotie View Post
    Fe does seem to be the sports bra of functions. Hard to get underneath, and even if you do, you've probably sprained your wrist.
    You really seem to dislike sports bras. Almost as if there is an excellent story behind it...

  10. #10
    Senior Member pyramid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JocktheMotie View Post
    Fe does seem to be the sports bra of functions. Hard to get underneath, and even if you do, you've probably sprained your wrist.
    hahah!

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