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  1. #21
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Malkavia View Post
    I am extremely sorry if I created a thread that pushed your buttons.

    What I am mostly concerned is having an ENFJ wanting (or even trying subtly) to open up and I screw it up because I dont always pick up on the small things. I want to create a safe place properly and not screw something up.

    You're fine, Malkavia...it's my problem not yours hence why I try not to reply.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
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  2. #22
    Lungs & Lips Locked Unkindloving's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Malkavia View Post
    What I am mostly concerned is having an ENFJ wanting (or even trying subtly) to open up and I screw it up because I dont always pick up on the small things. I want to create a safe place properly and not screw something up.
    That is when you communicate to them. If you notice the withdraw, communicate and put forth the effort to resolve it.
    An ENFJ may be hesitant at first (so tread carefully), but they'll appreciate someone taking the time to discuss and put an issue to rest. It may put you ahead of a lot of people in the ENFJs world, actually. We're very used to being the main source of damage control.
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  3. #23
    Senior Member Malkavia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    You're fine, Malkavia...it's my problem not yours hence why I try not to reply.
    Just wanting to make sure. Youre wonderful!

  4. #24
    Babylon Candle Venom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    I've got the most awesome group of people around me with so little drama it's ridiculous and since I have such great friends I know I must be doing something right.
    Im guessing you've managed to avoid the ENFPs?

    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    If you're trying to create a safe space for your friend to open up then I'd pay attention to all those little mundane things this person says because those may be pieces of that person they're trying to give you but you're looking for the prime cuts. Maybe they're seeing how you treat the smaller, less significant stuff before stepping it up a level.
    +1

    I kind of put "little things out there" to see how people react before putting weirder more personal stuff out. If you dont react well to the little stuff, then theres pretty much no chance I'm ever going to reveal my weirder and more personal stuff. Your loss :steam:

  5. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by pyramid View Post

    Everyone else might be entertained by this but my ENFPness can see the layers and want in!!!
    It's rather funny that you say that. It seems like many ENFPs think they can read ENFJs pretty well and vice versa but in reality, most people don't seem to know what they are talking about.

    ENFPs seem to misread me a lot and vice versa. I find Ne can go overboard with possibilities/ go in a totally off-base direction and the Fi projects based on how the ENFP would feel. On the other hand, Fe can make a snap judgement based on what the ENFJ sees and will get stuck reading way too much into 1 or 2 possibilities and will get tunnel-vision through Ni. These are the major weaknesses I see in ENFJs and ENFPs when they try to read other people.

    It's usually other ENFJs and INFPs that can read me the best.

    DISCLAIMER: This is what I have noticed in many ENFX (myself included), IME.

  6. #26
    Senior Member Malkavia's Avatar
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    Pyramid doesnt speak for me, at least.

    I dont necessarily try to read people. I just like being around people and have an interest in them. Why not learn how to create a great environment for everyone I know? I seem to be the most insecure when it comes to ENFJs and I admit my inability to read them.

  7. #27
    Glycerine
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    Quote Originally Posted by Malkavia View Post
    Pyramid doesnt speak for me, at least.

    I dont necessarily try to read people. I just like being around people and have an interest in them. Why not learn how to create a great environment for everyone I know? I seem to be the most insecure when it comes to ENFJs and I admit my inability to read them.
    Sorry for the accusatory tone. ENFPs have the same effect on me also. The one thing I generally like about ENFPs is that all seem really genuinely nice and sweet. I have yet to meet a jerkface ENFP. haha

  8. #28
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    I told myself I would not reply to these threads anymore because I never have anything nice to say and yet here I am!

    If someone were doing this to me and I didn't want to play along, I'd throw more Fe shade at them.

    I don't have to open the door just because somebody knocks. I don't believe anyone has a right to my insides just because they show interest. My insides are my own and if I choose to share I will and am perfectly capable of doing so. I don't need gentle nudging or reassurances the coast is clear because I have eyes to see and a brain to put all the pieces together. I find the bolded a little offensive because I guard my more tender parts viciously. I know how I am when I feel they've been violated and that's not pretty.

    I have total confidence in my ability to vet and assess the character of those I want to get closer to and if I feel reservations about a person, I go with that feeling. I've got the most awesome group of people around me with so little drama it's ridiculous and since I have such great friends I know I must be doing something right. And to be honest, I don't feel like my nougaty center is any more fascinating than anyone else's so you're just as likely to get there and be disappointed as delightfully surprised.
    Hey, I sympathize with your outburst . I feel the same - INFPs in general are much the same as ENFJs in this regard (and I personally find that ENFJ depth and intensity very sexy ). It can be insulting and infuriating when people don't respect your need for inner privacy and your reasons for not opening up. Worst of all are people who attempt to get inside your head like its a game to be won.

    I reserve the right to let in who I want and there's no straight forward way of getting me open up. If I had someone trying to get into my head I would clamp up and stay clear because I would go insane if I'm not in control of that part of me. I only remotely open up when there is an earned trust - when someone makes me feel profoundly safe and unjudged (ie. they won't go spreading stuff around) in their presence. I will then let my guard down without even thinking about it - because the warmth of that trust makes me want to do so. The only way to get me to this point is to be a patient, considerate, interested, ingenuous human being over and over again, day in day out.

    No offence to your question Malkavia. ENFPs are actually the type that make me open up the most - you're all so disarming.

  9. #29
    Senior Member Malkavia's Avatar
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    No offense taken Southern Kross. However I think what you say can apply to people in general not just certain types. Who enjoys someone trying to pry into their personal life when they have already decided they arent allowed in?

  10. #30
    Senior Member pyramid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pitseleh View Post
    It's rather funny that you say that. It seems like many ENFPs think they can read ENFJs pretty well and vice versa but in reality, most people don't seem to know what they are talking about.

    ENFPs seem to misread me a lot and vice versa. I find Ne can go overboard with possibilities/ go in a totally off-base direction and the Fi projects based on how the ENFP would feel. On the other hand, Fe can make a snap judgement based on what the ENFJ sees and will get stuck reading way too much into 1 or 2 possibilities and will get tunnel-vision through Ni. These are the major weaknesses I see in ENFJs and ENFPs when they try to read other people.

    It's usually other ENFJs and INFPs that can read me the best.

    DISCLAIMER: This is what I have noticed in many ENFX (myself included), IME.
    I can't read ENFJ well and that's what I like! I can tell there's a lot there; it's all coded to ENFP. sometimes I feel like the ENFJ must have a motive or expectation assigned to an ENFP for a reason that they want to know the person. A solid ENFP's intentions are pure! I swear!

    I just see ENFP and ENFJ as each other's strongest motivators. I think it's awesome.

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