User Tag List

First 1234 Last

Results 11 to 20 of 41

  1. #11
    Senior Member pyramid's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    9w1
    Socionics
    IEE
    Posts
    102

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ceecee View Post
    I agree. I have found once you give them a solid base of trust and open communication, they will open up more. The key is to not interrupt and to be genuinely interested in what they have to say. If they get one whiff that you aren't, the game is up and they close up. I'm not saying to drop everything, sitting with adoring attention lavished on every word. I just mean listen, make eye contact. Those normal courtesies go very far with ENFJ's.
    How do you deal with an ENFJ that has the most superficial, boring, trivial, mundane interests to you, and you can spend so long entertaining those things before they've burnt out??? Do I have to prod and pry? It seems like if I don't interrogate about the ADDITIONAL interests of the ENFJ they will only refer to their least fascinating qualities.

    Everyone else might be entertained by this but my ENFPness can see the layers and want in!!!

    It seems like unless you have the established trust though--too f'n bad.

  2. #12
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    8w9
    Posts
    9,718

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by pyramid View Post
    How do you deal with an ENFJ that has the most superficial, boring, trivial, mundane interests to you, and you can spend so long entertaining those things before they've burnt out??? Do I have to prod and pry? It seems like if I don't interrogate about the ADDITIONAL interests of the ENFJ they will only refer to their least fascinating qualities.

    Everyone else might be entertained by this but my ENFPness can see the layers and want in!!!

    It seems like unless you have the established trust though--too f'n bad.
    Yeah this is a quandary. Start asking. Go places with them. You find a wealth of info just doing everyday stuff with them. The trust thing, I'm afraid you're right about. You could also say - this is a give and take sort of thing. Share or I'll smack you around awhile. Unless they like that. But I find they are willing to share if you are willing to share. YMMV.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

  3. #13
    That's my name biotch! JoSunshine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    MBTI
    eNfj
    Enneagram
    2
    Posts
    660

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ceecee View Post
    But I find they are willing to share if you are willing to share.
    That's definitely true with me. It's also really important not to judge when I open up. Validation is super important to me.

    I briefly dated an ENFJ who was very interested in me and my feelings, but I couldn't get him to open up even a crack...he would just tell a lot of funny stories and would quickly redirect the conversation if things got too personal (regarding him). It was frustrating and ultimately, I pulled away.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. " - Dr. Seuss
    I can't spell...get over it

    Slightly ENFJ, totally JoSunshine
    Extroverted (E) 52.5%........Introverted (I) 47.5%
    Intuitive (N) 65.63%..........Sensing (S) 34.38%
    Feeling (F) 55.56%............Thinking (T) 44.44%
    Judging (J) 51.43%............Perceiving (P) 48.57%

  4. #14
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Enneagram
    1w2
    Posts
    5,514

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by pyramid View Post
    How do you deal with an ENFJ that has the most superficial, boring, trivial, mundane interests to you, and you can spend so long entertaining those things before they've burnt out??? Do I have to prod and pry? It seems like if I don't interrogate about the ADDITIONAL interests of the ENFJ they will only refer to their least fascinating qualities.

    Everyone else might be entertained by this but my ENFPness can see the layers and want in!!!

    It seems like unless you have the established trust though--too f'n bad.
    I told myself I would not reply to these threads anymore because I never have anything nice to say and yet here I am!

    If someone were doing this to me and I didn't want to play along, I'd throw more Fe shade at them.

    I don't have to open the door just because somebody knocks. I don't believe anyone has a right to my insides just because they show interest. My insides are my own and if I choose to share I will and am perfectly capable of doing so. I don't need gentle nudging or reassurances the coast is clear because I have eyes to see and a brain to put all the pieces together. I find the bolded a little offensive because I guard my more tender parts viciously. I know how I am when I feel they've been violated and that's not pretty.

    I have total confidence in my ability to vet and assess the character of those I want to get closer to and if I feel reservations about a person, I go with that feeling. I've got the most awesome group of people around me with so little drama it's ridiculous and since I have such great friends I know I must be doing something right. And to be honest, I don't feel like my nougaty center is any more fascinating than anyone else's so you're just as likely to get there and be disappointed as delightfully surprised.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  5. #15
    Senior Member BlueFlame's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    MBTI
    ENFJ
    Enneagram
    3w2
    Socionics
    ENFJ
    Posts
    181

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by pyramid View Post
    This sounds very ENFP to me too. We seem to be open books but we do keep our most intense thoughts to ourselves and if you can ask a provocative enough question to get to the chewy center, congrats!

    ENFP will let you get very near the center though without much effort -- ENFJ are more reserved in this aspect.
    Yes, I think we're a little more tightly wound, and we tend to bury whatever parts of ourselves we don't choose to project to a particular person, so it can go way beyond just thoughts and feelings. Your issue with an ENFJ who only has boring surface interests is a pretty good illustration of that.
    It's almost like we project a sort of neutral version of ourself until we figure YOU out, and then open up a little more as we grow to trust you...or have a volcanic moment when we just dump it all.

    The plus side of all of it is that ENFJs are full of surprises! You never know what might pop out. I've been with my husband for eight years and he still gets caught off guard occasionally!

    Quote Originally Posted by ProteanMix
    f someone were doing this to me and I didn't want to play along, I'd throw more Fe shade at them
    Yep.

    ~*79% Extraverted*~
    ~*74% iNtuition*~
    ~*74% Feeling*~
    ~*58% Judging*~

    Enneagram Type: SX 3w2

  6. #16
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    8w9
    Posts
    9,718

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post

    I don't have to open the door just because somebody knocks. I don't believe anyone has a right to my insides just because they show interest. My insides are my own and if I choose to share I will and am perfectly capable of doing so. I don't need gentle nudging or reassurances the coast is clear because I have eyes to see and a brain to put all the pieces together. I find the bolded a little offensive because I guard my more tender parts viciously. I know how I am when I feel they've been violated and that's not pretty.


    Ohhh yes. This is me. If I think you're pushing, you can fuck right off.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

  7. #17
    Senior Member Yloh's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    MBTI
    ENFJ
    Socionics
    ENFj
    Posts
    191

    Default

    Pretty much what the other ENFJs said, but I have something to add.

    Don't expect to have us open up on our first or second meeting. It takes time and that time differs with every person. If you really want to dig deep into an ENFJ, then you should always show interest in that person and let things flow naturally.

  8. #18
    Senior Member pyramid's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    9w1
    Socionics
    IEE
    Posts
    102

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    And to be honest, I don't feel like my nougaty center is any more fascinating than anyone else's so you're just as likely to get there and be disappointed as delightfully surprised.
    I respect people's space and privacy, though ENFP can't help but be endlessly fascinated by a mysterious side of a similarly complex person! I feel ENFJs are full of profound reason but sometimes just placate others with typical life stuff or relatable small talk vs offering their wonderful worldly insights.

    ENFPs are just extremely receptive to some genuine Fe and would love to show the other party that they can feel it and appreciate it. I think Fe is often effective but under praised.

    basically ENFPs might be shocked or offended that an ENFJ would think we'd take advantage of a vulnerable side. we are always vulnerable in some respects and are very gentle with the feelings of others!! we know of and respect your emotional side so if we can't see it we're just concerned you're uncomfortable or upset!

  9. #19
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Enneagram
    1w2
    Posts
    5,514

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by pyramid View Post
    I respect people's space and privacy, though ENFP can't help but be endlessly fascinated by a mysterious side of a similarly complex person! I feel ENFJs are full of profound reason but sometimes just placate others with typical life stuff or relatable small talk vs offering their wonderful worldly insights.

    ENFPs are just extremely receptive to some genuine Fe and would love to show the other party that they can feel it and appreciate it. I think Fe is often effective but under praised.

    basically ENFPs might be shocked or offended that an ENFJ would think we'd take advantage of a vulnerable side. we are always vulnerable in some respects and are very gentle with the feelings of others!! we know of and respect your emotional side so if we can't see it we're just concerned you're uncomfortable or upset!
    Well thank you pyramid you sound like a very supportive person.

    What I was trying to say is I don't worry about my "vulnerable" side getting taken advantage of because I'm in control of who has access to it. If I feel like someone is pressing for more...it just feels like someone's trying to get in my house and when I've closed the door. And then on top of it, I don't know how to unlock and open the door when I want to. Let me help you unleash your stifled feelings...

    My particular thoughts on the matter are since I don't feel misunderstood by the people who matter or like I lack close friendships, I don't feel a need to be endlessly open to every person that expresses interest. Like I said, that doesn't mean I'm not receptive to them. To me it seems like if I've got a plate of tasty food in front of me but I already ate. Yeah I could gorge myself, but I find this type of emotional gluttony very addictive and eventually will have problems sustaining itself.

    Each person has a different set of basic emotional needs due to whatever life circumstances they've been through and some people who haven't had very supportive relationships tend to be very receptive when someone like you takes an interest in them and wants to get to know them better.

    If you're trying to create a safe space for your friend to open up then I'd pay attention to all those little mundane things this person says because those may be pieces of that person they're trying to give you but you're looking for the prime cuts. Maybe they're seeing how you treat the smaller, less significant stuff before stepping it up a level.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  10. #20
    Senior Member Malkavia's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    MBTI
    ENXP
    Enneagram
    3w4
    Posts
    296

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    I told myself I would not reply to these threads anymore because I never have anything nice to say and yet here I am!

    If someone were doing this to me and I didn't want to play along, I'd throw more Fe shade at them.

    I don't have to open the door just because somebody knocks. I don't believe anyone has a right to my insides just because they show interest. My insides are my own and if I choose to share I will and am perfectly capable of doing so. I don't need gentle nudging or reassurances the coast is clear because I have eyes to see and a brain to put all the pieces together. I find the bolded a little offensive because I guard my more tender parts viciously. I know how I am when I feel they've been violated and that's not pretty.

    I have total confidence in my ability to vet and assess the character of those I want to get closer to and if I feel reservations about a person, I go with that feeling. I've got the most awesome group of people around me with so little drama it's ridiculous and since I have such great friends I know I must be doing something right. And to be honest, I don't feel like my nougaty center is any more fascinating than anyone else's so you're just as likely to get there and be disappointed as delightfully surprised.
    I am extremely sorry if I created a thread that pushed your buttons.

    What I am mostly concerned is having an ENFJ wanting (or even trying subtly) to open up and I screw it up because I dont always pick up on the small things. I want to create a safe place properly and not screw something up.

Similar Threads

  1. [ENFJ] How to get a pissed off ENFJ to listen?
    By Katriona1992 in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 11-19-2012, 12:51 AM
  2. PUTTING ALL THOSE RELATIONSHIP THINGYS TOGETHER; WHICH TYPE IS COMPATIBLE WITH WHO?
    By Ming in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 16
    Last Post: 04-18-2010, 11:55 AM
  3. Good day all! Confused ENFJ? :P
    By _dp in forum Welcomes and Introductions
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 10-26-2009, 05:39 PM
  4. Has it gotten silent in here after all those sexual threads?
    By UnitOfPopulation in forum The Bonfire
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 10-01-2009, 04:22 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO