[NF] Angry rant

[sketchymcsketcherson]

I consider myself to be a good son. I have always had an appreciation for the love and protection my parents have provided throughout my entire life. They've always loved me, fed me, clothed me, etc. I've never liked the stereotypical teenage attitude of the whole "my parents suck" thing. It has always pained me inside to observe a loving parent disrespected by his or her child, so I do my best to respect my parents whether in their presence or not.

I also love music. I soak up music like a Shamwow in a swimming pool. Honestly, music very well may be the reason I'm alive today. I'm sure some of you understand exactly what I'm talking about.

Like the average introvert, I enjoy my personal space. If I'm in my bedroom with the door closed, I probably don't want somebody to come in, for any reason. But if you really must come in and distract me from whatever I may be doing at the time, please knock. Isn't this a universal rule?

Now, with those three points out of the way, let me get on with the rant. :steam: I swear, my mother has no appreciation for art. She constantly complains about me playing music. Metal, rap, techno, even classical. If she can audibly hear it outside my room, she very well might barge in and demand I turn it down.

I could understand this if I was to blast music all day. But I don't. I only turn it up as loud as I need for everything to be balanced and whatnot. The house my family inhabits is quite small, about 1,500 square feet. The walls are paper-thin and actually wood paneling with no insulation, so that contributes further to the problem. If the music has any bass whatsoever, she will certainly complain.

And it's always the same God-damn thing. "Turn down your music or put in earplugs." Really? "Earplugs"? If I turn down the music any lower than it already is, I won't be able to hear half the instruments. If I put on headphones, I'll lose the acoustic value of speakers, the perspective of the sound, and the ability to "feel" the music, which is very important to me.

The most frustrating thing is that my mom rarely listens to music herself, and half the time when she does it's praise and worship garbage. Not hymns, where a hint of musical worth is present. I'm talking the music you hear at modernized churches, with the same old G C D C chord progressions, and the "Jesus we love you, We sing praises too, So come back to Earth, And make us anew" choruses repeated until Jesus actually does return. Maybe if my mom enjoyed good music herself or could try her best to tolerate my choices in music, I could respect her stance on this more.

She never knocks upon entering, whether music is playing or not. This is what really sets me off. Luckily, I can pick up her footsteps in enough time to "prepare" for her sudden entry, if you know what I mean. She has always done this, throughout my entire lifetime. Sometimes I've been half tempted to just sit there rubbing one out so she learns her lesson once and for all!

So, she'll barge in with no warning, which whether I'm gaming or coding or checking my email or wacking off, I get pissed. Being the way she is, she reciprocates the emotion, only exponentially. If I show my irritation, she responds with rage. Being the way I am, this makes the tension all the more intense.

*sigh* I might sound like a whiny brat here, but please understand. Music is about the only thing left in this world that makes me happy. It sucks when I can't even properly enjoy it. And am I the only person who thinks it's rediculous that she can't even show the decency to KNOCK on a male's door before entering?

 

[INTP]

find a way to lock the door

 

[nanook]

i bet there are no keys or locks in his house, because there could be a fire so the doors must always be open *g* that's how my father was rolling.

 

[sketchymcsketcherson]

find a way to lock the door

Good idea.

Problem is, the door doesn't close properly. It closes all the way, but the latch system is about one millimeter misaligned, so a solid push can force it open.

I actually thought about the lock thing as I was writing this. I need to try to fix it tomorrow.

When I was younger I took some crappy headphones and used the cable to "lock" the door. It actually worked pretty well, but my mother said I shouldn't be locking my door if I didn't need to hide anything.

nanook, luckily it doesn't go that far.

 

[INTP]

rubber triangle type of thing under the door if theres no locks, dunno what its called in english

 

[sketchymcsketcherson]

rubber triangle type of thing under the door if theres no locks, dunno what its called in english

Door stop?

 

[INTP]

Door stop?

probably

 

[Amargith]

Sit her down when you're both calm, ask her to listen you for a sec before she responds and calmly state your need for privacy and request that she please knock as it is important to you to have your own space. Explain to her how important music is to you and that you will try and keep it down but that you'd rather not have to give up something that important to you as it makes you happy. Tell her you understand that it's not her thing and that you will try to respect that, and ask for her to help come up with a compromise.

Stay reasonable en calm, and watch if she will mirror this mood as well

 

[INTP]

oh yea if she complains about that you dont need a lock if your not hiding anything, just tell her that god will see everything anyway and you go to hell if you do bad things so your not going to do anything bad

 

[21%]

Sit her down when you're both calm, ask her to listen you for a sec before she responds and calmly state your need for privacy and request that she please knock as it is important to you to have your own space. Explain to her how important music is to you and that you will try and keep it down but that you'd rather not have to give up something that important to you as it makes you happy. Tell her you understand that it's not her thing and that you will try to respect that, and ask for her to help come up with a compromise.

Stay reasonable en calm, and watch if she will mirror this mood as well

I agree with this!

Maybe it's more acceptable to go into your children's room without knocking when they are young, but maybe you could try explaining to her that you're now a teenager and you need a little bit of privacy, so please knock. (It's a typical teenager thing to want more privacy, so she should understand)

And, maybe if she can't really tolerate any music, what about agreeing on a time with her? Like no 'loud' music after 10.00 pm?

 

[sketchymcsketcherson]

Sit her down when you're both calm, ask her to listen you for a sec before she responds and calmly state your need for privacy and request that she please knock as it is important to you to have your own space. Explain to her how important music is to you and that you will try and keep it down but that you'd rather not have to give up something that important to you as it makes you happy. Tell her you understand that it's not her thing and that you will try to respect that, and ask for her to help come up with a compromise.

Stay reasonable en calm, and watch if she will mirror this mood as well

Great idea. I've done this several times before. She says she understands, and things get better for about 4 days. Then bitch mode re-engages.

I agree with this!

Maybe it's more acceptable to go into your children's room without knocking when they are young, but maybe you could try explaining to her that you're now a teenager and you need a little bit of privacy, so please knock. (It's a typical teenager thing to want more privacy, so she should understand)

And, maybe if she can't really tolerate any music, what about agreeing on a time with her? Like no 'loud' music after 10.00 pm?

I'm 19, nearing 20. She's done this my entire life. Like I said, I've asked politely, calmly, and tactfully for her to knock and respect my privacy. Something along the lines of, "I'm not trying to hide anything from you. I have always let you and dad in my room right away, just knock first and wait for a response. It's not like I'm going to say no or anything." You'd think I'd be used to it by now. Instead, I feel like I'm being driven gradually insane by the complete lack of privacy, the surprise flings of the door, and the inability to listen to my music in mid-day without (at the very least) hearing a voice yell for me to turn it down.

I'd be more than happy to make a compromise. Thing is, it doesn't matter if it's noon or midnight, either way the music will be a definite no.

It's 4 AM here right now. She must have awakened to go to the bathroom or something, because she just now flung the door open to see if I had any music playing. I have earbuds in...not even any music playing, either. That's the thing, she won't hear music, but she'll try to surprise me to catch me listening to music even it it's not audible out of the room!

Same thing happened the other night. I had NO audio playing, whatsoever. She busted in and yelled, "turn it off!" I swear, she either A. makes this stuff up to try to catch me listening to music or B. literally thinks it's happening.

I just can't wait to move the hell out...thankfully I'm almost done getting my AAS. Now to find a decent job. Let me tell you, this city's job market is worthy of another rant in and of itself.

 

[BerberElla]

Great idea. I've done this several times before. She says she understands, and things get better for about 4 days. Then bitch mode re-engages.

That's a real shame, as my initial reaction was to advise the same way Amargith did, ie talk to her about it.

Guess it's all about focus to the future and move out like you said, once you have a job and can get to moving, do it rapidly lol.

I feel for you, that would drive me insane. I love my music, and my privacy.

 

[Ginkgo]

I can relate with you bud. Trust me, though I can't say I'm as tactful.

Living with someone is a symbiotic relationship. You provide for them, they provide for you. Sometimes shit gets hairy because no two people are ever identical, so they have to tolerate each others' differences.

You're 19, bordering on 20. Just like me, you could probably manage to find an apartment or somewhere else to live (though I can't blame you for finding sustenance the easy way). So, this is the most effective solution.

Until then, you're just going to have to find mutual toleration. Even if it means that you tolerate her intolerant behavior.

You sound like you have a level head on your shoulders. Use it wisely. Ranting is an excellent way to diffuse energy, but sometimes it can be a leak in the pipes. When there's a leak, the machine doesn't function with the same persistence or conviction. In other words, sometimes you must simply act upon something that bothers you rather than dumping your energy elsewhere.

Just my two cents.

 

[INTP]

Great idea. I've done this several times before. She says she understands, and things get better for about 4 days. Then bitch mode re-engages.

then there is only one thing left to do. masturbate while watching porn sometime when shes rushing in

 

[Ginkgo]

I mean, technically, you're not living in your own property. You're over 18, and your parents have every right to kick your ass out. Until you get out, they're probably just going to treat you like a wall fixture or something. Not to be mean, but seriously.

You don't even have the right to lock your door because, once again, it's not your property unless that privilege has been granted to you by the owner. The only thing you own is your body, unless you pay rent. Do something with your body, make some art, sell it. Solve the problem instead of analyzing it to death.

 

[21%]

Does your mom have something against music (like maybe she thinks it's bad, evil, corrupted) or does she just hate noise? If it's the former, I don't think there is a way to ask for a compromise.

Is there no way you can lock the door at all? Fix the lock. If that doesn't work, a door stopper like INTP said is probably a good idea. (Buy loads, in case she removes them when you're not in your room)

And find a way to move out as soon as possible...

 

[jenocyde]

It seems like she has serious control issues. My mom was very much the same way. It's really not about the music and more about the fact that she doesn't want to acknowledge that she can't control you anymore, hence the surprise attacks at 4am in a 20 year old man's bedroom (!!!!).

I'm not sure where your father is in this equation, but do you think he would be willing to intercede on your behalf?

If not, you can either play her game while living under her roof or move out. Asking her for some control over your own life and space will not work, although it will appeal to her ego in the short term, as you mentioned, with her feeling benevolent enough to dole out a little freedom every now and then.

If you put a strong lock on that door, it will cause a lot more problems than you can anticipate. She'll find something else to escalate - maybe accuse you of drug use or something ridiculous.

My only suggestion is to set a date for moving out, and work quietly and steadily until that date. You can never truly be free in someone else's space. And when you have a date in mind - a goal to work toward - it will feel less oppressive since you know exactly when it is going to end.

I know the economy is tough but if you share an apartment or house, you can cut down on costs significantly. Good luck.

 

[Dali]

find a way to lock the door

This. I've locked my door for as long as I've had a room all to myself in my parent's home (since I was 15).

At my parents insistence (my mother 'missed' having me around), I spent most of last year living at home. I was occupying a guest house outside the main house but she would still attempt to barge in every single time just about breaking down the door as she did so. She would then proceed to knock incessantly till I unlocked the door.

Regardless of the fact that I was OUTSIDE the main house, each time she came to my room, she would nag (nag, nag, nag) on my choice of music (opera, incidentally). She would also nag me on sleeping in late on my days off work, coming home late... etc Basically, I was a teenager once more.

I couldnt take it anymore and jumped at the chance to move out once more as soon as it appeared.

I'm afraid the most you can do is count down the days till you go off to college. In the meantime, earphones are the only way to preserve your sanity. Unfortunately, as utterly unfair as it might seem, it's her roof/her rules.

EDIT: I just saw where you said you were turning 20. Is there some reason why you are unable to move out? (not judging)

 

[Dali]

p.s. I know what you mean about surprise flings of the door. Regardless of what you're doing, that feeling when someone flings open the door of your room is pretty awful. For me, it feels like my clothes just got ripped off me or some other violation.

 

[TheEmeraldCanopy]

You could try buying headphones. Some of the more expensive ones have wonderful bass and sometimes sound canceling.

They can get uncomfortable after wearing for too long, but the sound quality is much better than with ear buds (at least IMO).