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Thread: enfp cycle

  1. #1
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
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    Default enfp cycle

    in relationships, i find it difficult to keep my adoration in motion and i have guilt when i slack.

    so then, i figure i might as well end the relationship since i must just not be into it anymore, but when i go to do this, i find that i actually care. it's like that self-sabotage thing someone else had mentioned earlier.

    why do i feel the need to keep up with the adoration? why can't i just relax?

    :steam:

  2. #2
    mountain surfing nomadic's Avatar
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    im kind of up and down too

    but i get more stable if i really like the person.

    u don't have to adore the person... just appreciate the stability and learn to appreciate what you already have. that's probably my biggest weakness, i always want more more more...

    i think i reached a point with my gf now, that she does reach my highest expectations in some very important regards which i rather not mention, so i always appreciate that.

  3. #3
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    you guys are killin me!
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  4. #4
    Striving for balance Little Linguist's Avatar
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    Question: Do you guys ever find that the guilt over not doing something (e.g. staying in touch, hanging out when you wanted to, etc.) leads to you inevitably not wanting to continue the relationship out of some perfectionistic value?

    It's completely irrational: I'm not the perfect friend/partner/etc. so I should end it.

    It took me a long time to get over that, and I thought it was relevant, so I thought I'd just throw that into the mix.

  5. #5
    Senior Member alexx's Avatar
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    Yeah.... not me.

    I SUCK at staying in touch - then I am too scared to make contact - so I don't. Then they reach out, we stay in touch a while, and I screw up again by not calling or avoiding doing something. It's an ugly cycle.

    The friends I am MOST comfy with are the ones who get it, and each of us is cool with going 3 months without talking then being able to pick back up without missing a beat.

    89% Extroverted ~ 68% Intuition ~ 84% Feeling ~ 89% Perceiving
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  6. #6
    Striving for balance Little Linguist's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by alexx View Post
    Yeah.... not me.

    I SUCK at staying in touch - then I am too scared to make contact - so I don't. Then they reach out, we stay in touch a while, and I screw up again by not calling or avoiding doing something. It's an ugly cycle.

    The friends I am MOST comfy with are the ones who get it, and each of us is cool with going 3 months without talking then being able to pick back up without missing a beat.
    Amen to that. I love friends like that.

    I have microcosmic and macrocosmic cycles like that. It's awesome when someone gets it and understands and does not get offended at my craziness.

    I don't mean it meanly; I just get distracted with work, foruming, or working out as the case may be. I 'binge' on certain activities, then take a break.

  7. #7
    Allergic to Mornings ergophobe's Avatar
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    Something about getting older...I like all the really pedestrian parts of being together once the chemicals have died down. So, getting past the adoration and just leading a life together is very attractive to me.

    1. The ability to enjoy a comfortable silence between us, especially when it involves two extroverts.
    2. Looking forward to seeing someone like you would a really good friend
    3. The safety of the person plus the attraction of the person

    Lulls are common. When I was younger and still figuring out how Fi worked, I would get mad at myself for losing the adoration/butterflies in stomach feeling and this would invariably come out in some form when I was together with the person which I now regret. It was my issue (if not symbolic of a growing apart naturally) and I learned to enjoy the everydayness of things. Now I look forward to that.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rachelinpa View Post
    in relationships, i find it difficult to keep my adoration in motion and i have guilt when i slack.

    so then, i figure i might as well end the relationship since i must just not be into it anymore, but when i go to do this, i find that i actually care. it's like that self-sabotage thing someone else had mentioned earlier.

    why do i feel the need to keep up with the adoration? why can't i just relax?

    :steam:
    i'm the same EXACT way!!!

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lux Aeterna View Post
    Question: Do you guys ever find that the guilt over not doing something (e.g. staying in touch, hanging out when you wanted to, etc.) leads to you inevitably not wanting to continue the relationship out of some perfectionistic value?

    It's completely irrational: I'm not the perfect friend/partner/etc. so I should end it.

    It took me a long time to get over that, and I thought it was relevant, so I thought I'd just throw that into the mix.
    yes yes yes . . . i can completely relate

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by alexx View Post
    Yeah.... not me.

    I SUCK at staying in touch - then I am too scared to make contact - so I don't. Then they reach out, we stay in touch a while, and I screw up again by not calling or avoiding doing something. It's an ugly cycle.

    The friends I am MOST comfy with are the ones who get it, and each of us is cool with going 3 months without talking then being able to pick back up without missing a beat.
    oh jeez . . . this is me too!!!

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