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Thread: enfp cycle

  1. #11
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    Hmmm. I don't relate to this. I've had the same best friend since the 10th grade and even if we go six months without talking, we pick up where we left off...kind of like what Alexx is talking about.

    If you're talking about romantic relationships, I'm just wondering if you're very young. If you have the temptation to write people off that quickly when butterflies die down, you're not even giving them and yourself a chance to develop a real, lasting relationship. There's something else you're not experiencing by giving up that way. I think I related more to what you're saying in my late teens and very early twenties, but not really at all now, at least not within the last five to seven years of my life. In fact, I've learned by my last LTR that something has to be SERIOUSLY, SERIOUSLY wrong in the relationship for me to even be able to walk away from someone I've fallen in love with and committed myself to.

  2. #12
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    i identify strongly too. i assumed it was augmented by being an sx dom and craving intensity.

    i'm still figuring out if it's just me or it's just an aspect of serious ltr. i'm thinking probably both. i don't like the experience or idea of peacefully coexisting with someone. then i feel like i'd rather just be on my own.

    i also think it's funny bc i assume you enfps have it together when it comes to relationships bc you seem like you know what you're doing, especially in comparison to an introverted, sp-checked infj like myself. then i realize that you don't- it's frustrating and endearing at the same time.

  3. #13
    Senior Member alcea rosea's Avatar
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    To the OP.
    Maybe you just have difficult time letting go?

  4. #14
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rachelinpa View Post
    in relationships, i find it difficult to keep my adoration in motion and i have guilt when i slack.

    so then, i figure i might as well end the relationship since i must just not be into it anymore, but when i go to do this, i find that i actually care. it's like that self-sabotage thing someone else had mentioned earlier.

    why do i feel the need to keep up with the adoration? why can't i just relax?

    :steam:
    You know, this is one thing that I don't get or relate to. At all. And I'm surprised it's common amongst ENFPs.

    Is this kinda like the "grass is greener" complex?

    If I like you, trust me, I don't have to work on it at all and I don't worry about putting on a show. What you describe to me sounds like putting on a show to prove to...yourself? Or your partner? That you still care. I put on a show only related to work to prove to my dedication. In that case, the less I care, the harder I try to act like I care. I even try to convince myself. Keeping up appearances for me compensates for the guilt of knowing I'm earning a paycheck but not really doing everything I could or should.

    Is it your 'love' or excitement you're trying to prove or your *dedication* to the person and your relationship? You feel a need to 'prove' something?

    When it comes to matters of the heart my motto is: "My love is like a tidal wave" --> misquoted Pat Benatar lyrics. I have to do the opposite to keep myself from falling as hard or as fast as I am. It's pretty tragic. I'm in it to win it and I'm completely loyal to and enamored with my partner, to our relationship.

    Like Ergophobe, I love the pedestrian, domestic, boring, everyday stuff you do with an SO. I mean, that is the reason we all get SO's right? Because you love them so much (whether it's puppy love or angsty emo love or you know, "love" love) and love being with them so much being together all the time and just living life (most of life is "boring" after all) is, well, enchanting? Just better. :P

    Something like that.

    When it comes to committed relationships, I don't get jumping from ship to ship at all. Or getting bored or disenchanted habitually. Not even when I was a hormonal hyperactive teenager. The grass is not greener on the other side. I'm with Marmalade Sunrise on this, once I bond, I'm *bonded*.

    Rachel, do you know your Ennegram type? That might help shed more light on it.
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

    "I'm outtie 5000" ― Romulux

    Johari/Nohari

  5. #15
    almost half a doctor phoenix13's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rachelinpa View Post
    in relationships, i find it difficult to keep my adoration in motion and i have guilt when i slack.

    so then, i figure i might as well end the relationship since i must just not be into it anymore, but when i go to do this, i find that i actually care. it's like that self-sabotage thing someone else had mentioned earlier.

    why do i feel the need to keep up with the adoration? why can't i just relax?

    :steam:
    Hmmm. An ebb-tide in any relationship is normal, and usually when one slacks, the other picks it up. Perhaps this guy isn't intersting enough for you, and you are trying to compensate. Or perhaps you're assuming that in the absence of adoration, the relationship must be boring for him (because it's boring for you) which makes you feel inadequate. This could also make you feel guilty for not doing your part to keep the relationship exciting, which is an assumption based on projection, and not reality.

    When the right guy comes along, I doubt you'll feel this way. If you're lucky, you'll find a guy who expresses adoration in every day actions, so you'll still feel love in the absence of constant physical or verbal adoration.

    "OMG I FEEEEEEEEEL SO INTENSELY ABOUT EVERYTHING OMG OMG OMG GET ME A XANAX" -Priam (ENFP impersonation)

  6. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze View Post
    You know, this is one thing that I don't get or relate to. At all. And I'm surprised it's common amongst ENFPs.

    Is this kinda like the "grass is greener" complex?

    If I like you, trust me, I don't have to work on it at all and I don't worry about putting on a show. [...]

    Is it your 'love' or excitement you're trying to prove or your *dedication* to the person and your relationship? You feel a need to 'prove' something?

    When it comes to matters of the heart my motto is: "My love is like a tidal wave" --> misquoted Pat Benatar lyrics. I have to do the opposite to keep myself from falling as hard or as fast as I am. It's pretty tragic. I'm in it to win it and I'm completely loyal to and enamored with my partner, to our relationship.

    [...]

    When it comes to committed relationships, I don't get jumping from ship to ship at all. Or getting bored or disenchanted habitually. Not even when I was a hormonal hyperactive teenager. The grass is not greener on the other side. I'm with Marmalade Sunrise on this, once I bond, I'm *bonded*.


    EXACTLY!! I almost don't understand this disenchantment idea. Once I'm in, I'm in. I love to do all that domestic SO stuff too, or just sit in the room together and be boring and quiet - it's better than being not in their presence. Even though, I could technically talk till you drop.



    I've been like that in all of my relationships.

  7. #17
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    hmmm, with my husband I never had the emo fluffy weird belly feeling. No overwhelming emo connection that waxed and waned. It was always just a long term partnership, a commitment, something that grew out of warm caring into love. We stood together as a partnership. I signed on for the lifetime role, good and bad, arguments, fights, unhappiness or debt or whatever may come. All those vows-through sickness and health till death do us part-yup those. I guess at time I noticed greener grass but never really considered moving on. We didnt spend massive amounts of time together but sort of lived in our separate worlds, but together as a team.

  8. #18
    Senior Member lunalove's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by alexx View Post
    Yeah.... not me.

    I SUCK at staying in touch - then I am too scared to make contact - so I don't. Then they reach out, we stay in touch a while, and I screw up again by not calling or avoiding doing something. It's an ugly cycle.

    The friends I am MOST comfy with are the ones who get it, and each of us is cool with going 3 months without talking then being able to pick back up without missing a beat.
    Alexx,

    I'm the same way! I stay in touch at 1st and then something happens. Only trouble is, most people don't get it and the friendship ends. In college, I had the best friends and they totally got it! Ah well...now I've met others like me here...I'm just another ENFP

    luna~

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