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  1. #41
    Senior Member Sandy's Avatar
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    Default Yes, thank GOD!!!

    [QUOTE=grasshoppersings;87824][QUOTE=wedekit;80089]So, any other INFJs (or NFs) have a problem with keeping other people's feelings out of their system?

    I swear every time someone in a bad mood walks into the same room as me I automatically feel it. It is troublesome and annoying; It always sits in the back of my mind. I am able to ignore it, but that doesn't mean it's not there. Of course it has its perks when someone is in a great mood. Literally contagious.

    Hi everybody, This is my first posting. I was thankful to read the above quote about feeling others' moods as soon as they walk into the room. I am an INFJ and I feel/sense people's emotions/feelings/motivations so much that it can be maddening/overloading/shocking or just euphoric.

    I am so glad to finally understand that intuition (just looking at someone and knowing what's going on in their heart/mind) and introverted (deep thinking things through before speaking) are the cause of all this because for a while there I thought people were just going crazy around me. There is so much relational, emotional, spiritual drama in the world!

    I mean in my own family especially I hear the words coming out of their mouths but I sense a totally opposite vibe coming across and I am in a confused state trying to figure out if I should respond to their mixed messages or just one or the other. Some people are so into denial that they would never acknowledge their true feelings to you anyway so I suppose it's better to go with the words they say. But then I have to go and read between the lines to see what it is they are really trying to say without having said it and it gets so complicated.

    For my whole life I wondered why people kept sending me mixed messages and now I know that my INFJ personality is the reason I am so in tune with people's complexities and incongruencies. I still dont really know how to deal with the conflicting information/vibes/words that I get from people.

    I try my best to keep everything in harmony around me for my relationships but these folks who dont mean what they say or dont say what they mean make communication almost a joke instead of a way to bring intimacy, understanding, and comfort. When all else fails I usually find a quiet solitude place to get away and try to let things and people sort themselves out, like I hope they will. It takes so much effort and energy to try to get people to get along and help each other or at least listen to each other.

    My Big Dream in life is to use my giftings/strengths (intuition, imagination, empathy and my poetic writing skills) to write poems, songs and stories to reach people stuck in denial so that they can admit they have a problem and GOD can begin to heal them.

    It is absolutely true that no matter what your problem is be it psychological, behavoral, chemical, or social, you can improve, get better, and be cured given the right personalized loving treatment. The Word of God says that Nothing is impossible with God. That is unless you have a little thing called denial. If you have denial about a problem, then there is no way to get better. That is why my arch enemy in dreamland/real life is the giant named denial. Look out giant. This means war and this grasshopper is hopping mad!

    Thank you, GOD, for bringing the victory because without your mercy, grace, and love we would be a bunch of hopeless dust particles taking off in the wind. Jesus loves setting people free. He is supposedly an INFJ. Whether he was an INFJ or a little bit of every letter combination (GOD is everything good in the creation), his ability to feel an individual's pain and help them come to the truth and get healed is the most endearing quality any hero could have.

    I remain, your INFJ friend on the internet.
    Aww... I really liked your first post, grasshoppersings! Welcome!
    -Sandy
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  2. #42
    Senior Member Sandy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTJMom View Post
    I even cry when animated characters cry!!
    I have experienced that too, INTJMom!

    I am very drawn to people who are in pain. Even sad lyrics or minor music (which I am so drawn to)... I feel it very strongly.

    Mostly, I try to stay out of the way of angry folks, so I don't set myself up.
    -Sandy
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    There is truth... in the red letters

  3. #43
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sandy View Post
    I have experienced that too, INTJMom!

    I am very drawn to people who are in pain. Even sad lyrics or minor music (which I am so drawn to)... I feel it very strongly.

    Mostly, I try to stay out of the way of angry folks, so I don't set myself up.
    I hear that! I do, too, but mostly because when my mom would get angry, it became a very painful experience, if you get my drift.

  4. #44
    Member Rachel's Avatar
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    You guys are echoing my thoughts. Glad to hear others share their experiences. I don't experience as a psychic phenomenon, which is why i like how many here describe it. I consider it more a matter of sensitivity to other's emotions.

    Won't argue that i'm a saint but the quality of empathy has a tendency to make us more sympathetic and maybe even people pleasers - something i strongly dislike. As a result, I'm strongly impacted by other's feelings and expectations and don't want to disappoint them.

    Empathy also makes it easy to form attachments to people very quickly and makes it difficult to let go of those attachments as well. It's almost a feeling of being bonded to someone, even though you may not know them well or haven't known them long.

    Quote Originally Posted by Silently Honest View Post
    It's something I deal with everyday, so It doesn't bother me, though it stinks when the people that I'm surrounded with are destroying someones self-esteem, and I'm just sitting there watching, feeling guilty as all hell.

    On one hand I can say it's not my problem and I try to ignore it. But all you really do is end up hating the jerk who just put the person through that, and disappointed in yourself.
    I experience something similar.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kyrielle View Post
    I wouldn't say it's a problem exactly. It's just very taxing on the system if you aren't feeling your best to start with. I consider it a useful tool in dealing with other people.

    But yes, I know what you mean. When other people are agitated or uplifted, I pick right up on it...sometimes so quickly that I don't even realise where the source of sudden emotion is coming from.

    And it is very irritating when I see people picking on others. I really want to do something about it, and sometimes I do, but almost everytime I can't find the correct words to say. So, I end up embarrassing myself and I'm torn between feeling better because the situation was diverted for that person...or feeling worse because I became bait for a starving shark. Or worse because I didn't do anything. Actually, I'm almost certain no matter what I could possibly do, it'd be a lose-lose situation.
    Quote Originally Posted by alcea rosea View Post
    I have noticed sometimes when I'm coming back from work that my mood changes completely during the way back to my house. It means that I have picked up the athmosphere at work and when I get out of the workplace, I finally pick up my own mood which might be completely different what it was at workplace.
    This is very annoying especially if working in environment which is hostile, unhappy etc. I have tried to learn to develop a emotional wall between myself and people around me and I succeed in it sometimes. I have noticed that I still am very easy target for emotional leeches and emotional vampires but I really am trying to get rid of giving emotional response so fast.

    Empathy is really a great thing but I have not found out a good place to use it at work.
    All this^^^ especially areas in bold.

    Quote Originally Posted by cascadeco View Post
    I don't know where I fit in with the whole Empath topic.

    I guess I never really thought my personal feelings towards emotions I sense around me had anything to do with me 'taking the other persons emotions as my own'. I'm not sure how much 'empathing' there is actually going on - it's more I pick up on vibes, and said vibes impact my own outlook/mental state.

    . . .

    But as I'm typing this out, perhaps I do take on others' emotions. For example, anxiety in another person immediately makes me anxious. It's one reason I have such a hard time being with my mother for an extended period -- she makes me tense, because SHE'S tense.
    It's odd. Or in a previous job setting, the majority of people were incredibly cynical, bitter, whiney, and negative, and being in that setting just ate away at me, I was a half-shell of existance, and I became cynical as well. I hated the setting, I hated becoming this way. But I never thought I was 'taking on' others feelings BECAUSE they were that way - so I'm not sure empathy was a factor in it - it was more that the negative energy around me forced me inward and forced my thoughts/feelings in a negative direction. But I suppose I became cynical because I saw truth in WHY the people around me were cynical, so maybe that is empathy. I dunno.

    It's like the mood of the person I'm with or the enviroment I'm in DOES impact my own mood, but I never equated it to me taking on everyone elses' moods, I thought it was other peoples' moods impacting where my own mental state/thoughts/feelings turn to.
    You've described empathy perfectly.

    Quote Originally Posted by wolfmaiden14 View Post
    Yes, exactly. Cascade, all you're doing, to me, is breaking down the steps of HOW it effects us. Though.. I guess there is the difference. You see their feelings and let it affect your thoughts.. I tend to go like nightning, putting myself in that person's place. Like.. I had a friend who got to meet and talk to a huuuge role model of his for acting. While I'm not much into the acting field(though I'd like to be more), nor had any similar experiences of meeting a hero, I could still imagine the inspiration and joy he would feel, I could understand the way it would feel if it WOULD have happened to me, and thus share in his joy. So..maybe that is more empathy than just a reminder of thoughts with similar connotations.
    Yeah, although i think everyone does this to an extent, it's pretty easy to pick up on someone's feelings about something or someone - especially if they really enjoy it. My mom especially. When she lights up (she's an ISFJ) at the thought of something positive or good, it's like a lightning bolt of excitement coming directly at me. I see it in her eyes. It's not contagious but it is something which feels like a pressure/push on my spirit.

    Quote Originally Posted by cascadeco View Post
    I like how nightning put it!

    I think much of what I was attempting to describe was nightning's analogy - just that I don't go down into the hole with the other person.

    The other thing I was describing was slightly different - it was less of the 1:1 empathy/resonance thing, I think, and more of the fact that I tend to be impacted by the moods/environment/'group vibes' surrounding me.

    Combining the two: If I'm with people who are emitting positive emotions, I'll both empathize AND the positive emotions will in turn cause my internal state to become more positive. If I'm with someone who is emitting more negative emotions, I'll both empathize AND the negative emotions may then cause my internal state to become more negative, in the sense that my thoughts may turn towards similar topics.
    Eh, I'm confusing myself now. :rolli:
    Quote Originally Posted by wedekit View Post
    I think this "ability" is why I'm going down the Psychology route... Experimental Psychology for human behavior and personality really interests me. (If there was more of a demand I would totally be a Forensic Psychologist/Profiler. THAT could be interesting.)

    I think I'm too much of an introvert (explanation, not an excuse) to put myself through meeting new people all the time and having to talk to them about [...]. I could imagine myself becoming too much of an emotional garbage dump. So I'm currently considering going to grad school for Research/Experimental Psychology, and I'm aiming for a Doctorate. I could do research and teach a couple of classes at a University. I think I would make a good teacher... or I at least hope so.
    All the best.

    [QUOTE=grasshoppersings;87824][QUOTE=wedekit;80089]So, any other INFJs (or NFs) have a problem with keeping other people's feelings out of their system?

    I swear every time someone in a bad mood walks into the same room as me I automatically feel it. It is troublesome and annoying; It always sits in the back of my mind. I am able to ignore it, but that doesn't mean it's not there. Of course it has its perks when someone is in a great mood. Literally contagious.

    Yeah, pick up on people's moods . . . struggle to ignore it. It affects my mood especially when someone has a negative attitude.

    Hi everybody, This is my first posting. I was thankful to read the above quote about feeling others' moods as soon as they walk into the room. I am an INFJ and I feel/sense people's emotions/feelings/motivations so much that it can be maddening/overloading/shocking or just euphoric.

    I am so glad to finally understand that intuition (just looking at someone and knowing what's going on in their heart/mind) and introverted (deep thinking things through before speaking) are the cause of all this because for a while there I thought people were just going crazy around me. There is so much relational, emotional, spiritual drama in the world!

    I mean in my own family especially I hear the words coming out of their mouths but I sense a totally opposite vibe coming across and I am in a confused state trying to figure out if I should respond to their mixed messages or just one or the other
    .
    Some people are so into denial that they would never acknowledge their true feelings to you anyway so I suppose it's better to go with the words they say. But then I have to go and read between the lines to see what it is they are really trying to say without having said it and it gets so complicated.

    For my whole life I wondered why people kept sending me mixed messages and now I know that my INFJ personality is the reason I am so in tune with people's complexities and incongruencies. I still dont really know how to deal with the conflicting information/vibes/words that I get from people.

    . . .

    Thank you, GOD, for bringing the victory because without your mercy, grace, and love we would be a bunch of hopeless dust particles taking off in the wind. Jesus loves setting people free. He is supposedly an INFJ. Whether he was an INFJ or a little bit of every letter combination (GOD is everything good in the creation), his ability to feel an individual's pain and help them come to the truth and get healed is the most endearing quality any hero could have.

    I remain, your INFJ friend on the internet.

    Beautiful post.

  5. #45
    Member Fenekk's Avatar
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    Yeah, I definitely feel it. When other people are in a bad mood, it gets to me. When that happens, I just have to get away from it. It will honestly start making me feel sick...

    Even as I am talking to someone or spending time with someone, I am continually trying to appeal to their best interests; say things that they want to hear, because the impending though of negative energy is uncomfortable. I guess that's one reason why being in social situations where I am around a lot of people is really uncomfortable for me; I feel so many different needs and states of consciousness that I cannot appeal to all of them and I just ...don't know what to do. I only try something if I have to... and usually end up uncomfortable as a result.
    NaNoWriMo 2010 [[Nahe: Iveor]]
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  6. #46
    Senior Member DJAchtundvierzig's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wedekit View Post
    So, any other INFJs (or NFs) have a problem with keeping other people's feelings out of their system?

    I swear every time someone in a bad mood walks into the same room as me I automatically feel it. It is troublesome and annoying; It always sits in the back of my mind. I am able to ignore it, but that doesn't mean it's not there. Of course it has its perks when someone is in a great mood. Literally contagious.

    When people do something embarrassing I feel just as embarrassed as they do. My face will heat up and everything. Even if it's just on TV.
    Oh my god yes! I know exactly what you are talking about! It's so annoying. I wish I coud just have my own emotions for once.

  7. #47
    Member Rachel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fenekk View Post

    Even as I am talking to someone or spending time with someone, I am continually trying to appeal to their best interests; say things that they want to hear, because the impending though of negative energy is uncomfortable. I guess that's one reason why being in social situations where I am around a lot of people is really uncomfortable for me; I feel so many different needs and states of consciousness that I cannot appeal to all of them and I just ...don't know what to do. I only try something if I have to... and usually end up uncomfortable as a result.
    Well said. This is what I experience.

  8. #48
    Senior Member alcea rosea's Avatar
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    I do that too and I find it extremely difficult to shut out other people's emotions. I even get feelings from places. It's kind of difficult sometimes to figure out which is my own emotions and which is the emotion of another person. I still haven't out any way to avoid the "emotional contagion" except to stay away from masses of people.... :

  9. #49
    Member Fenekk's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sandy View Post
    I swear every time someone in a bad mood walks into the same room as me I automatically feel it. It is troublesome and annoying; It always sits in the back of my mind. I am able to ignore it, but that doesn't mean it's not there. Of course it has its perks when someone is in a great mood. Literally contagious.
    Oh sheesh... to continue on with this empathy topic, this post made me think on it more. This is the only thing that can interfere with my well-being in a work situation. I can tell you how everyone is feeling (and you know, a lot of the time I take it personally too, which isn't a good thing.) Not to mention, I can always tell who is spreading rumors and who isn't, and sometimes even who they are about. Needless to say, I am getting tired of "the fake nice act" regardless of whether I see it is being used toward me, or toward other people.

    Also, everyone seems to think it's weird how my empathy works. I love movies, don't get me wrong, but I am not much of a movie person because of how easily the emotions of the actors on screen get to me. It's hard trying to tell people that I don't watch scary movies because I'm scared, but because the actors are scared, but it's true... (Even movies that are normally funny but incorporate a few scary parts here and there can do that to me and then I'm just uncomfortable.)
    NaNoWriMo 2010 [[Nahe: Iveor]]
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