[ENFJ] Healthy, Happy, ENFJs!

[Thessaly]

Excuse me Mr. but I have tons of umph!

I actually really like the automatic guilt reflex you guys have. I can wield such power with it until y'all catch on haha

 

[Malkavia]

I feel terrible when ENFJs go on guilt trips.

Especially if its not their fault. In my experience it is impossible to help get them out of it. They have to do it themselves.

 

[TopherRed]

Excuse me Mr. but I have tons of umph!

I actually really like the automatic guilt reflex you guys have. I can wield such power with it until y'all catch on haha

Wonka does this to me a lot, though I think he actually means it.

Fi balances Fe. You remind me that being interpersonally fake isn't okay, whether it be coming from me, or something I'm a part of. Respect for the individual is imperitive to you...so I incorporate it into my way of doing thingswhen I work with groups. It's almost like some kind of moral code that I've been lacking...though I never knew these things to be wrong before.

 

[Venom]

I rememember the day this hit me like a ton of bricks. I realized I had a "No, no, I'm fine. I can take care of myself and I can take care of everyone else too and I don't need anything." Not in a mytr kind of way either. I never complained until I was crushed under the pressure of trying to be everything to everyone and not accepting anything in return - even when people tried to be there for me. I had to have absolute 100% trust in anyone to ask for even the simplest things - becuase I viewed needing help (in anyway) as a personal failure and a burden to others. It sucked.

I moved this past weekend and accepted help in any way from anyone who offered and asked for help from close friends and family. I ended up with a small army of people helping me in various ways. AND I DIDN'T FEEL GUILTY OR LIKE A BURDEN!!!! That's a HUGE deal for me. I would happily help any of these people move (and have helped a lot of them). I am learning to accept help with grace and to express my feelings, needs and weaknesses. It is a really, really good feeling and despite all of my previous (and sometimes still current) fears, it has actually made my relationships a lot stronger.

any idea what your enneagram is?

 

[Thessaly]

Wonka does this to me a lot, though I think he actually means it.

Fi balances Fe. You remind me that being interpersonally fake isn't okay, whether it be coming from me, or something I'm a part of. Respect for the individual is imperitive to you...so I incorporate it into my way of doing thingswhen I work with groups. It's almost like some kind of moral code that I've been lacking...though I never knew these things to be wrong before.

Stop the presses!!!

An ENFJ who thinks that fakeness is not a virtue? Haven't you read the Holy Bible of ENFJ? Commandment number 1 is Thou shall not be candid with others. You wouldn't want to go against your own type would you? It's best you keep telling your mom her fried, curry liver tastes grrrrrrrrrrrrreat!

 

[TopherRed]

Yes, but I had keep having run ins with your kind. I shalt only use my powers of Fe in moral ways. Sometimes that still means lying about mom's curry liver, but only for her good, not mine!

 

[neptunesnet]

I've had this ongoing theory that Reverend Scotty McLennan is an ENFJ, particularly after seeing a video of him discussing liberal Christianity and the premise of his book Jesus Was A Liberal.

He seems pretty healthy to me.

 

[BlueFlame]

I rememember the day this hit me like a ton of bricks. I realized I had a "No, no, I'm fine. I can take care of myself and I can take care of everyone else too and I don't need anything." Not in a mytr kind of way either. I never complained until I was crushed under the pressure of trying to be everything to everyone and not accepting anything in return - even when people tried to be there for me. I had to have absolute 100% trust in anyone to ask for even the simplest things - becuase I viewed needing help (in anyway) as a personal failure and a burden to others. It sucked.

I moved this past weekend and accepted help in any way from anyone who offered and asked for help from close friends and family. I ended up with a small army of people helping me in various ways. AND I DIDN'T FEEL GUILTY OR LIKE A BURDEN!!!! That's a HUGE deal for me. I would happily help any of these people move (and have helped a lot of them). I am learning to accept help with grace and to express my feelings, needs and weaknesses. It is a really, really good feeling and despite all of my previous (and sometimes still current) fears, it has actually made my relationships a lot stronger.

Yay! Sounds like a personal milestone to me!
I totally and completely relate to finding it almost impossible to accept help...I have no idea why. I know it frustrated my mother a lot when I was growing up, and probably still does.

 

[Venom]

Stop the presses!!!

An ENFJ who thinks that fakeness is not a virtue? Haven't you read the Holy Bible of ENFJ? Commandment number 1 is Thou shall not be candid with others. You wouldn't want to go against your own type would you? It's best you keep telling your mom her fried, curry liver tastes grrrrrrrrrrrrreat!

I think that you have the idea that all ENFJs are enneagram 2s or 3s (who often are the total opposite of candid )

However, there are 1s, 4s, 7s and 9s ENFJs who dont have a lot of the issues you've been attributing.

/end admonishing

(now THAT...admonishing...THAT might be an ENFJ trait regardless of enneagram type ).

 

[TopherRed]

:rolli:
You're a dork BC. You're awesome anyway.

 

[Z Buck McFate]

Thanks man, and let me tell you, this dude will totally take a bullet for you if you care enough to dig out his soul under all those layers.

I've just found out one of my oldest friends- met in highschool, been friends for almost twenty years now- is ENFJ. And what Fuzz said^ is totally true about him. He's loyal to the core, to those who deserve it. And one of the most thoughtful people I've ever known. I remember, once- just out of highschool- I woke up in the hospital from having been rushed there with kidney stones, and he was sitting there waiting for me to wake up (his mom was a nurse/let him know I was there). With a 'get well' cassette tape and a walkman for me to borrow while I stayed there. That's just the kind of thing he was always doing. He's always made it a priority to make sure everyone important to him is always feeling well, and he always suffered with anyone who wasn't.

I'd always assumed he was an introvert because he's so quiet; he's so content to just sit back and observe people, without a whole lot of interacting. I was surprised when he told me he's ENFJ, but- in retrospect- Fe dom really does make sense for him: his focus has always been emotionally supporting those lucky enough to be close to him. I suspect (as is the case with Domino) his Fe might be leading by a hair, but leading nonetheless.

Anyway, he's a really strong person. His wife has been really sick- they just found out she's in the very early stages of cancer (she's only 36 years old) - and they have a two year old daughter. He's been able to stay incredibly optimistic. He's been consciously heading to the gym several times a week to burn off his own stress so that he can absorb as much of hers as possible. I've always been impressed by his generous nature, but I'm floored by how well he's handling recent challenges. He's awesome. I'm grateful to have him as a friend.



[THREAD INTERRUPTION= temporary expansion of side tangent to xNFJ]

I rememember the day this hit me like a ton of bricks. I realized I had a "No, no, I'm fine. I can take care of myself and I can take care of everyone else too and I don't need anything." Not in a mytr kind of way either. I never complained until I was crushed under the pressure of trying to be everything to everyone and not accepting anything in return - even when people tried to be there for me. I had to have absolute 100% trust in anyone to ask for even the simplest things - becuase I viewed needing help (in anyway) as a personal failure and a burden to others. It sucked.

I moved this past weekend and accepted help in any way from anyone who offered and asked for help from close friends and family. I ended up with a small army of people helping me in various ways. AND I DIDN'T FEEL GUILTY OR LIKE A BURDEN!!!! That's a HUGE deal for me. I would happily help any of these people move (and have helped a lot of them). I am learning to accept help with grace and to express my feelings, needs and weaknesses. It is a really, really good feeling and despite all of my previous (and sometimes still current) fears, it has actually made my relationships a lot stronger.

Mmm...it's funny, Fi's don't deal with the guilt as much as we do. I think they understand the boundaries better than us. Then again, they don't have as much umph either.

While it's prolly with slightly less umph, I (and a couple INFJs friends) also get this. I've noticed that- since I pick up on how other people are often operating from a point of view that doesn't thrive on/prioritize helping others in the same degree I do myself- I tend to avoid asking for help because it feels like imposing my own values/priorities on them. While I jump at the chance to be supportive, it's really hard to *ask* for help in return. It's like I preemptively 'accept' they don't feel the same kind of rewards for helping others. It's hard to remember that whole process- of hearing 'no', forgiving differences in priorities and moving forward- isn't fair to them if it never actually involves them in reality. I logically know this: yet I still feel guilt when asking for help.

[/THREAD INTERRUPTION]

 

[BlueFlame]

Stop the presses!!!

An ENFJ who thinks that fakeness is not a virtue? Haven't you read the Holy Bible of ENFJ? Commandment number 1 is Thou shall not be candid with others. You wouldn't want to go against your own type would you? It's best you keep telling your mom her fried, curry liver tastes grrrrrrrrrrrrreat!

An ENFJ who thinks fakeness IS a virtue would be 100% going against type!
We just have a knack for knowing how much candor is needed/acceptable for a certain situation to attain whatever goal we have in mind. There is no freaking way I would pretend to like ANY kind of liver, or I would get stuck eating it AGAIN! Mission not accomplished. Telling my mom she sucks at cooking and life in general would keep me from getting fed by her at all...mission not accomplished.
A nice *thank you for the effort but I cannot flipping stand liver in general...*
Now that'll do the trick.

How's the ENFJ heartbreak-recovery coming?

 

[Domino]

Your friend sounds beautiful, Z. I'll say a prayer for him and his wife.

 

[TopherRed]

An ENFJ who thinks fakeness IS a virtue would be 100% going against type!
We just have a knack for knowing how much candor is needed/acceptable for a certain situation to attain whatever goal we have in mind. There is no freaking way I would pretend to like ANY kind of liver, or I would get stuck eating it AGAIN! Mission not accomplished. Telling my mom she sucks at cooking and life in general would keep me from getting fed by her at all...mission not accomplished.
A nice *thank you for the effort but I cannot flipping stand liver in general...*
Now that'll do the trick.

How's the ENFJ heartbreak-recovery coming?

This will depend on whether she's running Fe in her higher functions, or not. Immature Fe's require flattery to get along with them--with my mom (ISFJ), it makes her quietly cry if I don't say I like her cooking a few times in a row.

My grandma (ESFJ), just gets pissy.

Is that manipulative of them? Yes. And they know the answer is empty...but said often enough of bad cooking, it will "convince" them, and save me a lot of stress.

Honesty is not always the best policy!! But honesty as much as possible is.

 

[Unkindloving]

This will depend on whether she's running Fe in her higher functions, or not. Immature Fe's require flattery to get along with them--with my mom (ISFJ), it makes her quietly cry if I don't say I like her cooking a few times in a row.

My grandma (ESFJ), just gets pissy.

Is that manipulative of them? Yes. And they know the answer is empty...but said often enough of bad cooking, it will "convince" them, and save me a lot of stress.

Honesty is not always the best policy!! But honesty as much as possible is.

You're a sucker. And it's adorable. Lookit you being all nicey nice and stuff.

I approach the situation in the way that BlueFlame mentioned. I prefer being blunt, even if i have to soften it up a bit. Otherwise it can spiral out into getting walked all over and boo to that! Doormat tendencies need to be moderated

 

[TopherRed]

You're a sucker. And it's adorable. Lookit you being all nicey nice and stuff.

I approach the situation in the way that BlueFlame mentioned. I prefer being blunt, even if i have to soften it up a bit. Otherwise it can spiral out into getting walked all over and boo to that! Doormat tendencies need to be moderated

Oh, hun, I'm no doormat. The two of them are like that all the time...I'll have all out screaming matches with g'ma at 2 in the AM over whatever assenine thing she came up with to try to blame on me this time.

I pick my battles! Something you gotta do when you live with them. I've made my mom cry a few times since I left the house...why? Cause I don't live with her, and she was asking for it. I'm proud of those moments, and I've got a whole childhood to make up for.

 

[Z Buck McFate]

Your friend sounds beautiful, Z. I'll say a prayer for him and his wife.

I didn't mean to make it sound so grimm. Oops. The prognosis is actually really good. My point was just- a lot of people would get really stressed, let their minds get consumed with scary "what ifs", but- he's this undefeatable pillar of a guy. He's focusing entirely on what he can do to maintain a positive attitude- making the most of what his FeNi has to offer in the way of support, which is where FeNi is a viking- instead of letting himself get dragged down.

He's always kind of been like this, but his inner strength has really congealed over the years. I think he's a really good example of a happy, healthy ENFJ. He can listen to any problem- in fact, he thrives on listening to people vent**, and helping them feel better- and he rarely gets overwhelmed by it. He just exudes a calm sort of 'stuff happens, it'll be okay' vibe. He was probably the kid who- when his crayons broke- was able to focus on how he then had twice as many crayons as before (looking at it as two crayons instead of one broken crayon). He thrives on sharing that silver lining.

Thank-you though, Domino. That was right nice of you.

**(edit): this is basically only with people who are close to him, but still...

 

[Unkindloving]

Oh, hun, I'm no doormat. The two of them are like that all the time...I'll have all out screaming matches with g'ma at 2 in the AM over whatever assenine thing she came up with to try to blame on me this time.

I pick my battles! Something you gotta do when you live with them. I've made my mom cry a few times since I left the house...why? Cause I don't live with her, and she was asking for it. I'm proud of those moments, and I've got a whole childhood to make up for.

Well i'm aware you're not a doormat! I think i just like hearing more and more about it. Bwaha.
Family is a fun one to pick the battles with. They are just always sort of there and hard to escape, even if you sort of escape them. Challenges are good though, right?

 

[Malkavia]

I didn't mean to make it sound so grimm. Oops.

Still sounds like a great friend and a great person. Whats cool is both me and the guy Im talking about are in college and only have known each other for over a year and I know we would do the same for each other.

Friendship = one of the amazing things about life.

 

[runvardh]

I always thought showing up unanounced and do something for them that obviously needed to be done would be best to get around the desire not to ask for help.