[ENFJ] Healthy, Happy, ENFJs!

[TopherRed]

Can anybody think of an example of a healthy, happy ENFJ in your lives?

 

[JoSunshine]

I'm the closest thing to a happy healthy ENFJ, but I am the only ENFJ I know

I have met 2 other enfjs...one was a train wreck, the other was OK.

 

[mr.awesome]

mentally or physically?

 

[Thursday]

mentally....not bound to happen
we are bound to have a darkside
but a healthy relationship with it....*raises hand*

 

[TopherRed]

I don't see our "darkside" as "unhealthy". An ESTP friend recently pointed out that the ENFJ "evil-laugh" is universal among our group. We are mischevious! There's nothing wrong with that if channeled correctly. Like in an air-soft war. Muhuhahahaha!

 

[Thursday]

I don't see our "darkside" as "unhealthy". An ESTP friend recently pointed out that the ENFJ "evil-laugh" is universal among our group. We are mischevious! There's nothing wrong with that if channeled correctly. Like in an air-soft war. Muhuhahahaha!

True. I was told over the phone that my voice has a smirk in it.

 

[EJCC]

One of my bestest friends in the world is a healthy ENFJ. Goes to school with me; triple majoring in music, spanish and psychology. Wants to be a therapist (i think) once he graduates. Very nurturing, but never overbearing - just a sweet, silly guy who's always there for you.

 

[Tycho]

I'm having a crush on a healthy ENFJ girl. She's happy with herself, very self-conscious, enjoys having a lot of responsibilities. She makes sure that the people who affirm her persona and her goals have an important role in her life, while keeping people like me, who understand that she's not only her persona, at a distance. But ooh, I love her! She loves being around people, even if she knows they're unhappy, then she feels sorry, but at the core she doesn't really care, she says. But her presence is so delightful. I'm so jealous of her, and at the same time not..

 

[OrangeAppled]

I know an older ENFJ man and he seems very balanced & happy. He's still idealistic, but I don't see any paralysis from it, or the same depression/insecurity I see in other ENFJs I know. He manages to introspect without brooding too much, and he acts on his idealism.

The other ENFJs I know are not "unhealthy", but they seem to get depressed more. You have to know them to know this - they project a more confident exterior.

 

[Thessaly]

I know a jesus christ superstar kind of ENFJ who appears to be one of the most properly functioning men I've ever met. We're only acquaintances though so what do I know.

 

[21%]

My sister! She's pretty healthy most of the time

 

[Yloh]

Out of all of the 16 personality types I think ENFJs are the ones I have the least experience with. I have a friend who I think is an ENFJ and he appears to be happy. He does hide from everybody when something is wrong and it seems like he really doesn't open up much to anybody. Funny thing is, other than his girlfriend and family, he opens up to me more than his other friends.

With me I believe I'm pretty balanced overall. I can be a slave to Fe sometimes and I can become depressed because of it.

 

[Unkindloving]

I don't know any other ENFJs... unless my Mom is one, but she's pretty frazzled either way.
I could definitely be a healthier one, but you're aware of that Crispy!

Out of all of the 16 personality types I think ENFJs are the ones I have the least experience with. I have a friend who I think is an ENFJ and he appears to be happy. He does hide from everybody when something is wrong and it seems like he really doesn't open up much to anybody. Funny thing is, other than his girlfriend and family, he opens up to me more than his other friends.

With me I believe I'm pretty balanced overall. I can be a slave to Fe sometimes and I can become depressed because of it.

If he is ENFJ then you're more prone to get him.
My biggest struggle with opening up to people is that they don't quite understand, even if they relate. In my close-world there's infp, intj, infj, istj, and istp. (Whoa.. lack of extraverts.. hadn't fully noticed that before) Anyway, there's no really good connection/understanding with any of them.

 

[nynesneg]

I don't know any other ENFJs... unless my Mom is one, but she's pretty frazzled either way.
I could definitely be a healthier one, but you're aware of that Crispy!



If he is ENFJ then you're more prone to get him.
My biggest struggle with opening up to people is that they don't quite understand, even if they relate. In my close-world there's infp, intj, infj, istj, and istp. (Whoa.. lack of extraverts.. hadn't fully noticed that before) Anyway, there's no really good connection/understanding with any of them.

^ this. I've actually been frustrated recently and become more aware of this particularly having decided to break up with ISFP bf. I have several good friends I hang out with, and talk to them about life but just seems like none of them *get* where I'm coming from. I have this whole side to myself I don't share with most people, my inner thoughts and dreams, etc. Friends are ISFP, ESFP, IxFP(?), ESTP(?), INFJ(?unhealthy), ISFP, and all these sensors...

While they're great friends, I've just been frustrated like I'm not understood. Hung out with a new INTJ friend of mine and it was incredible how well we relate - and the depth of different facets to him. For the first time in 12 mo+ I felt like he understands how I experience the world in so many different ways.. we talked for 4 hours in depth on Ni Te stuff. lol! I really want to meet an ENFJ though.

 

[Malkavia]

What do you mean by not understood?

Is there a way your friends can help try and relate to you better? Would you be ok with them just coming out and asking questions about you to help them understand you?

 

[TopherRed]

What do you mean by not understood?

Is there a way your friends can help try and relate to you better? Would you be ok with them just coming out and asking questions about you to help them understand you?

I can't speak for her, but I think even if they asked us questions, they'd be frustrated. Both ENxJs think rather abstractly, and often in code. It's confusing as hell if you aren't used to it. Very hard to relay. It's why one of the hardest questions you can ask an ENFJ is "how do you feel"?

(We feel a lot, by the way. Every second it changes, and for different reasons. We are very private about how we feel, because we know two things: one, it can be taken out of the moment and easily misconstrued, and two, it's our soft spot and with it, we can be easily taken advantage of)

Our power as ENFJs is in exactly how well we can hide our true selves from people. The more we can do this, the more Fe can magically blend to whatever shape it needs to take for our will. This sounds horrific to Fi users, but I assure you that our true selves (the Fi in deep) are something we have a hard time losing touch with--even if we wanted to. That's why you have so many guilty ENFJs walking around...cause we actually have a strong conscience (though it varies what that consists of from one ENFJ to the next).

That's my two cents anyway.

 

[Caligula]

My aunt is a very happy & healthy ENFJ. As well as my grandmother. Both wonderful people in my life!

If I may inquire, what does an unhealthy ENFJ look like? Because I think I might be one of those. :blushing: (Not that i like to think of myself as unhealthy!! haha.)
I recently read the type description and it fit me infinitely more than any of the others ever had...certainly much more than INFP did. I'm going to try this skin on for a while and see where it takes me.

 

[nynesneg]

What do you mean by not understood?

Is there a way your friends can help try and relate to you better? Would you be ok with them just coming out and asking questions about you to help them understand you?

Fuzzcrossed really touched well on a reason why.

Honestly I'm not sure myself. I just feel like they don't know me... even my friends who I see every day - over 12 hours a week in and out of class. Particularly when we filled out a personality profile and they typed me as happy-friendly, a dominant leader, quick to jump to conclusions, and easy to get to know. On the surface I may seem like that, but inside there's a wholey different side...

Examples:
This week with personal drama dear ESxP friend tells me heart to heart she's going to be there for me etc etc... But when in conversation I touch on different things she doesn't pay much attention to what I'm saying. So focused fun and play in life - I wish she would seem genuinely interested and ask me probing questions, discuss how she relates and understands etc.

ISFP bf - always felt like it was such a surface relationship... He believed I was the most perfect girl in the world for him and loved me alot but it was a relationship full of Fi doting and sweetness. I longed to share depth of who I am, my thoughts, dreams, things that fascinate me, etc...

Same thing with another ISFP older friend - very sweet and thoughtful but not the honest understanding/relating to where I'm coming from.

IxFx - nice guy, more analytical. But he just has so many personal problems he's always leaning to me for caring and help, I feel like I couldn't ever open my life to him.

INFJ - very sweet, but obsessive about being fair to everyone in a group. Extremely hard on herself to be perfect. She doesn't have energy to make time to hang out with me -even though said she'd be there as a friend.

ENTJ Dad - he really cares about me at times, but he's on a completely different wavelength. He entirely misses the big picture sometimes!
INFP Mom - biggest priority is avoiding conflict, so she'll agree with whatever you're saying regardless of if she agrees with it or not. She's a fantastic listener to my exciting life though!

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To answer your questions, I can't pinpoint it. But if I were to give advice to try to get to know your ENFJ better I'd say... - Ask more probing questions, without be obnoxious. Be genuinely interested. We're not going to share our inner life with you unless we're completely comfortable and know you actually want to know - otherwise it just feels like we're burdening you with unnecessary information. It's not that I think my friends don't care, they're great friends. I just feel missunderstood - like nobody truly knows me.

I really am thinking it's the Ni perspective... my INTJ friend truly understood - because he's the same way. Even more analytical and fascinated with how things fit together than I am. Plus usually I can instantly read people to quite an extent... he's one of the only people I know who's mind holds a fascinating mystery - with alot of different things going on in there like myself. The irony is I thought usually I don't like INTJs, but who knows...

What do you think?

 

[Salt n' pepper]

Sure! I've got a male ENFJ friend who's pretty healthy and happy most of the time. Mentally and physically. He's a very successful game designer, doing what he loves and earning a lot of money. He's living with his friends in a house he bought, and they all work at the same company. Although he's kinda hung up on this girl he can't have, I'd say he's pretty content with life. However, I think he is ready for a change now. But who isn't...

EDIT: Come to think of it. I'd say being attracted to complicated, unhealthy girls, that needs to be "fixed" or healed, is a pretty unhealthy trait. But then again, if they really need to be healed, he's probably the man for the job.

 

[Yloh]

I also think a good way to get an ENFJ or just about anyone to open up to you is for you to open up to them. Of course it is easier said than done, but I do find people who I feel safe to open up to. I can't explain how I do it, but I do find out if a person is safe for me to open up to or not. With me opening up to others, it in a way, proves to them that it is safe for them to open up to me.

Honestly I'm not sure myself. I just feel like they don't know me... even my friends who I see every day - over 12 hours a week in and out of class. Particularly when we filled out a personality profile and they typed me as a dominant leader, quick to jump to conclusions, and easy to get to know. On the surface I may seem like their type of me, but inside there's a completely different side although congruent...

Wow, I feel the exact same way about so many others. It isn't like I try to hide myself from others, but I am just different if different situations. I will admit, being a peace keeper, it is hard for me to express my true opinion if it may start a conflict. I also really try to listen to other people's side of the story because I may learn something new. This may make me sound wishy washy, but I'm actually very stable on the inside. I absolutely HATE it when people don't make time to learn how to view a situation through another's eyes.