User Tag List

123 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 31

  1. #1
    lurking.... Wyst's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Posts
    1,662

    Default Obsessive ENFJ, a potential rommmate

    So I need to move to a new place in about 3 months. A friend of mine whom I've known for well over a year suggested we get a place together.

    This ENFJ has a lot of good traits. He's caring, considerate, organized (at least on his schedule), he's open-minded, and very extroverted - always looking for something to do.

    He's a bit awkward though. He's pretty obsessive and will tell me the same story over and over again even though he knows I've heard it. I think he whips himself up into a frenzy sometimes trying to squeeze each last bit of satisfaction out of whatever happened by retelling stories.

    I'm not nearly as introverted as I used to be but I know that he's going to want to have people over to our apartment a lot - kinda like how the girls' apartment in Friends was where most of the show happened. This sounds like a fun idea, especially because we have a lot of the same friends.

    The only thing that really makes me think twice about it, is the obsessive stuff. I hate stopping someone in the middle of a story to tell them, "We've already been through this twice". Am I too accommodating? Should I just tell him straight up? I don't see how I'll be able to survive with him and keep quiet about it...

  2. #2
    Controlled Mischief StephMC's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    MBTI
    ISTP
    Enneagram
    9w8 sp/sx
    Socionics
    ISTp
    Posts
    1,054

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Wyst View Post
    Am I too accommodating? Should I just tell him straight up? I don't see how I'll be able to survive with him and keep quiet about it...
    I don't know how you will either... it sounds potentially disastrous. I keep imagining living with my ENFJ (And O.C.D.) brother that sounds just like that.... *Shudder* I'm sure y'all get along great, but in my experience, ENFJ (males at least) tend to be better living off with equally extroverted people. They practically live for entertaining and hosting people
    I have an inner monologue that sounds strikingly similar to something off Animal Planet.

  3. #3
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Enneagram
    1w2
    Posts
    5,514

    Default

    Wyst, what kind of stuff does he repeat?
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  4. #4
    mrs disregard's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INFP
    Posts
    7,855

    Default

    A guy I live with is obsessive in this exact way too (among others). I have to tell him, you've told me already, _____! Always with a generous smile, because he's a sweet guy that can't help it.

    For me, it's not really an issue, because it's not like I'm ever in the same room as him for a long time, but this is your friend... so I can imagine it's expected that you'll be around each other often.

    You have to listen to how much you are willing to take, because if confronting it doesn't work, then you should rethink moving in with him (if it's a big deal to you).

  5. #5
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Posts
    2,631

    Default

    I think there are people who aren't aware they are retelling stories and people who enjoy retelling stories anyway even when they know it's annoying you. Maybe you could try pointing it out to him (indirectly) by saying something like "Oh, it's the time when you _______ that you told me about the other day, right?". I know it spoils his fun a little bit, but otherwise he might not know you've already heard it.

  6. #6
    Senior Member BlueFlame's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    MBTI
    ENFJ
    Enneagram
    3w2
    Socionics
    ENFJ
    Posts
    181

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Wyst View Post
    So I need to move to a new place in about 3 months. A friend of mine whom I've known for well over a year suggested we get a place together.

    This ENFJ has a lot of good traits. He's caring, considerate, organized (at least on his schedule), he's open-minded, and very extroverted - always looking for something to do.

    He's a bit awkward though. He's pretty obsessive and will tell me the same story over and over again even though he knows I've heard it. I think he whips himself up into a frenzy sometimes trying to squeeze each last bit of satisfaction out of whatever happened by retelling stories.

    I'm not nearly as introverted as I used to be but I know that he's going to want to have people over to our apartment a lot - kinda like how the girls' apartment in Friends was where most of the show happened. This sounds like a fun idea, especially because we have a lot of the same friends.

    The only thing that really makes me think twice about it, is the obsessive stuff. I hate stopping someone in the middle of a story to tell them, "We've already been through this twice". Am I too accommodating? Should I just tell him straight up? I don't see how I'll be able to survive with him and keep quiet about it...
    I thought I was in for a much juicersl story than repeat story-telling!
    What do you normally do when someone repeats a story?
    I normally jump in enthusiastically with an *Oh my gosh, I know you TOLD me' and make a comment about the story that leads into a conversation ABOUT it instead of a repeat. Yes, I'm clearly cutting the person off, but people don't seem to mind as long as I continue talking about them. Big shock, eh?

    ~*79% Extraverted*~
    ~*74% iNtuition*~
    ~*74% Feeling*~
    ~*58% Judging*~

    Enneagram Type: SX 3w2

  7. #7
    Senior Member TopherRed's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    MBTI
    ENFJ
    Enneagram
    2w3 so/sx
    Posts
    1,273

    Default

    Yeah, that sounds weird. In fact, "weird" is the definition of all socially mal-adjusted ENFJs. It's kind of a forceful, 'let me entertain/help you vibe'. Not fun at all for the people surrounding him, and even a little scary.

    I'd say, that if he doesn't shut off when you explain that you've been through it already, then you need to not move in with him. He's not ready for friends. He needs to sit in self-pity for awhile wondering why people 'hate' him so much (as nobody sticks around) before he turns the Fe-knife inward and starts surgically removing the negative aspects about himself. It's a long road. Ironically, his eventual independence from people will bring about what he desires most; unrequited love from others who genuinely care about him and what happens to him. He won't be repeating stories then, he'll just be grateful to have real friends.
    Love is the point.

  8. #8
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    ESFP
    Enneagram
    9w8 sx/sp
    Socionics
    SEE Fi
    Posts
    7,004

    Default

    I dunno... you both prefer J so living with him shouldn't be all that bad.

    But, one thing to keep in mind about ANYONE living with you... establish boundaries very early. I need a lot of time alone, and I really don't like talking to the people I'm living with constantly (an hour or two over a meal is fine, but I don't want to be constantly bugged). An ENFP was living with me back in NC and she just wouldn't stop talking... so I had to lay some rules out. Then she just talked to herself. :P
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  9. #9
    ♪♫♪♫♪♫ luminous beam's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    2w3 sx/so
    Socionics
    INFj None
    Posts
    779

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Wyst View Post
    So I need to move to a new place in about 3 months. A friend of mine whom I've known for well over a year suggested we get a place together.

    This ENFJ has a lot of good traits. He's caring, considerate, organized (at least on his schedule), he's open-minded, and very extroverted - always looking for something to do.

    He's a bit awkward though. He's pretty obsessive and will tell me the same story over and over again even though he knows I've heard it. I think he whips himself up into a frenzy sometimes trying to squeeze each last bit of satisfaction out of whatever happened by retelling stories.

    I'm not nearly as introverted as I used to be but I know that he's going to want to have people over to our apartment a lot - kinda like how the girls' apartment in Friends was where most of the show happened. This sounds like a fun idea, especially because we have a lot of the same friends.

    The only thing that really makes me think twice about it, is the obsessive stuff. I hate stopping someone in the middle of a story to tell them, "We've already been through this twice". Am I too accommodating? Should I just tell him straight up? I don't see how I'll be able to survive with him and keep quiet about it...
    you think you're being acomodating, but you're really not. because in the end, if his behavior drives you crazy and he's got no real notion to stop, you will end up snapping and blowing up in his face. i think you should just tell him straight up, perhaps not in these same words but something like this "dude, you told me this story like 5 times already! lol i love you and all but if i hear that story one more time i think i'll stab my earsdrums with a pair of scissors!" lol and then encourage him to tell you a story you haven't heard yet. yes, awkward i suppose, but if you can't beat them, join them. he might get butt hurt, but he'll prob be self conscious enough to stop himself before telling you any story to make sure you haven't heard it yet. and if he's really that extroverted and charming or whatever, eventually you'll get back to the place where you two will be ok again.

    hm maybe also come up w/a punishment, like a jar he will fill with a quarter every time he tells you a repeat story lol


  10. #10
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Enneagram
    7w8
    Socionics
    ENTp
    Posts
    6,387

    Default

    Ooooh, listen to Fuzz and BC.

    I have a lot of the "weird" ENFJ males in my life and all of them are exactly the same. Great, fun loving and warm. But at the same time obsessive, almost OCD and AD(H)D - don't know what it's called anymore - and totally un-selfaware.

    It's funny though, each one of them will swear up and down that he's an introvert while he has yet another person "stopping by". Totally un-selfaware.

    An ENFJ guy lived with me for a while and at most points, I would have to hide away in my bedroom for hours just to get him to stfu for a few seconds. I would literally be afraid to dash to the bathroom, in case he would see me and "hello" would turn into the same old song and dance. Either he's telling me something I already know, or asking for advice that he won't take - that's if he can even stay focused enough to hear the answer before trailing off to another subject.

    I am not one who gets rattled by confrontation, so I had no problem telling him to stfu point blank at times when my brain wasn't occupied with other things. At first, it would lead to his horrible temper, but after a while, he just saw it as being "grumpy old jenocyde" and stopped taking me seriously, and started up again.

    Honestly, if this was the only issue, it wouldn't have been that much of an issue but it was coupled with so many other things that I had to cut into him. Hard. A few times. He vanished for a few months and came back the nicest, sweetest person I have ever met in all my life. He still gets a little long winded and repetitive, but I enjoy it now. He's just "silly old ENFJ" to me.

    Extroverts, in general, don't spend a lot of time introverting. Sometimes one needs to hit a brick wall of truth before they can really see themselves. If you're not up for dealing with all of that, don't move in together.

Similar Threads

  1. [ENFJ] The Potential of an INFP/ENFJ romance between friends..
    By thegrayvapour in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 48
    Last Post: 06-13-2012, 05:49 AM
  2. [ENFJ] ENFJS are you obsessive?
    By lilypad in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 12
    Last Post: 07-14-2010, 01:42 AM
  3. [ENFJ] ENFJ: Talk About Yourself!
    By Usehername in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 167
    Last Post: 03-24-2010, 01:09 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO