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  1. #21
    lurking.... Wyst's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unkindloving View Post
    :Stands up: My name is Unkindloving and i'm a broken record. :sits back down:

    You should have a conversation with him about this. I wouldn't just tell him to hush up or use the 'evidence' tactics. If you sit down with him and inquire about why he has broken record syndrome then perhaps everyone will have a better understanding of it.
    I'm pretty aware of mine and will begin stories at times with "I don't know if i've told you this" "Sorry if i've mentioned it" "Stop me if it's familiar" etc or i'll go through a condensed version of the story if i have recent events or thoughts to add to it.

    He may have no idea he does this or to what extent. If he does know, at least clarity over what he's looking to gain from it could be useful. It can help tone him down or with having him get to the point.
    omg you're HIM!!!

  2. #22
    Lungs & Lips Locked Unkindloving's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wyst View Post
    omg you're HIM!!!
    Wat? lol
    Hang on traveling woman - Don't sacrifice your plan
    Cause it will come back to you - Before you lose it on the man


    .:: DWTWD ::.

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    2011 TypeC Exercise Challenge - My Weekly Goals: Cardio 4x. Yoga/Pilates 1x. Pushups 70.

    There is this thing keeping everyone's lungs and lips locked - It is called fear and it's seeing a great renaissance

  3. #23
    lurking.... Wyst's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    I repeat stories and I know I do. I don't repeat things like "the time I..." "Me and my friends did..." Which is why I want to know the content of what Wyst's friend tends to repeat.

    Ok - I'll try and be more specific.
    My friend is interested in this girl. He'll be in contact with her over the course of Mon-Fri and then I'll see him on Sat. As he begins catching me up on the story, he doesn't start from Mon-Fri. He starts from two weeks ago and recaps EVERYTHING that I've heard at least twice.

    I really do think he has to talk about things he's obsessive about to make himself feel better about those things he can't control. I, on the other hand process internally and need time alone to think. If I'm talking, it's usually because I'm done processing. Also, I process when I'm obsessive about something. He's the opposite.

    Each time as he gives recaps, he'll make observations like he's figuring things out or understanding something (sometimes things he's already gone 'a-ha' about). But I'm not really involved in it that exchange at all.

    He just needs someone to sit there and listen.
    Sometimes, picture of me on the frig would suffice, I think.

  4. #24
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wyst View Post
    ...
    He just needs someone to sit there and listen.
    Sometimes, picture of me on the frig would suffice, I think.
    LOL, maybe.

    But call him out occasionally. If you're good friends you can handle it.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  5. #25
    Senior Member Malkavia's Avatar
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    haha, sounds like my ENFJ roommate and best friend.

    He's great but he repeats stories, and Im like, "really? again? dude we've went over this."

    I dont about him, but I feel like my friend sometimes has to tell me because he is justifying to himself what is going on. It is technically thinking out loud, he's just talking to me about it. Most of the stories and situations he tells me revolves around how he thinks hes making the right decision, etc... So in many ways I think it is a way for him to talk about what is going on and allow him to rationalize what he is doing, even if there is no point in rationalizing it.

    It completely depends on your relationship. We were blunt with each other when we first became friends and have been able to keep it, however, you may need to be a little more diplomatic with it.

    I do agree with the others though. If you are going to move in with him you need to talk about it and fix it fast or you are going to blow up one day on the poor guy. Also, I would like to second setting boundaries right when you move in. It is extremely important. How are people supposed to know you like alone time if you dont tell them? I know it's been said before but it is EXTREMELY important. Awkward, but important.

  6. #26
    That's my name biotch! JoSunshine's Avatar
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    It's really unfair to be annoyed at someone for doing something you have never told him annoys you. That being said we all do it sometimes becuase we think it should be obvious to the other person that it is annoying. What annoys you may be endearing to someone else - everyone is different.

    I can be a broken record when I am analyzing things over and over again...I know this and I try not to do it. But sometimes I need to get it out. I have an ESFJ friend who I talk to a lot. When I start repeating myself or giving an inordinate amount of background (which I am also subject to do) she will say, "You're doing it again." At that point one of two things happens, either I stop (becuase I didn't realize I was doing it) or I say to her, "I know but I HAVE to talk about this so I don't drive myself crazy...will you humor me?" And she usually does. If she can't do it right then, she will ask me about it when she is ready. I listen to and do a whole bunch of stuff that I have no interest in for her and she does the same for me. I personally think that being a friend sometimes means doing things (like listening to your friend over-analyze) we don't want to do or can't relate to becuase it is what the other person needs and in return a good friend will do the same for you (for instance maybe he will respect your need to process internally, even though he is dying to "help" you). There is no way around occassionally being annoyed or occassionally being an annoyance in a close friendship...or if there is I certainly haven't figured it out.

    It seems like an honest dicussion is in order. Just try to keep an open mind that he is different than you and has different emotional needs and ask him to do the same for you. It sounds like you are already aware of many of your differences, but it is entirely possible he has no clue he is bothering you.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. " - Dr. Seuss
    I can't spell...get over it

    Slightly ENFJ, totally JoSunshine
    Extroverted (E) 52.5%........Introverted (I) 47.5%
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    Judging (J) 51.43%............Perceiving (P) 48.57%

  7. #27
    lurking.... Wyst's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JoSunshine View Post
    It seems like an honest dicussion is in order. Just try to keep an open mind that he is different than you and has different emotional needs and ask him to do the same for you. It sounds like you are already aware of many of your differences, but it is entirely possible he has no clue he is bothering you.
    Heh.. I've actually mentioned it to him a few times. But I've just snuck it ('Yeah you already told me about this Sunday, remember?') between him taking breaths.

    I don't he's really gotten the point though.
    Regardless of whether or not I room with him, I should have this talk.

  8. #28
    Senior Member Yloh's Avatar
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    I know when I repeat things it is because I haven't gotten the desired reaction. I HATE being ignored, so I DO tend to say things over and over again till I at least get a response.

    Perhaps you can ask him what kind of reaction he is expecting.

    Quote Originally Posted by Wyst View Post
    Usually some girl. Lot's of it is - what he emailed her, why he thinks it was received well, what she said next, and blah blah blah.

    The way he talks about it - it's like his way of convincing himself that things are ok and will go well for him. It's a weird roundabout way of seeking validation but it seems like he needs some external outlet if he's going to be able to convince himself.
    I've done the exact same thing before and I have caught myself doing it. I've learned how to deal with it by actually putting my repeating desires in a cage and allowing things to flow through. This is the perfect time to use Se as a relieaf and it has helped me a lot.

    Fe can be a real pain sometimes as Fe forces the user to get approval from others in order to be truly happy. This might play a role in his broken record habbit. If this is the case, then you can try to help him learn to be trully happy with himself.

  9. #29
    That's my name biotch! JoSunshine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yloh View Post
    I HATE being ignored
    Me too!!!! I would much rather someone tell me if I am bothering them than to be ignored. Tell me "no", tell me you need some alone time, tell me I'm a big, fat pain in the butt, but please don't ignore me.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. " - Dr. Seuss
    I can't spell...get over it

    Slightly ENFJ, totally JoSunshine
    Extroverted (E) 52.5%........Introverted (I) 47.5%
    Intuitive (N) 65.63%..........Sensing (S) 34.38%
    Feeling (F) 55.56%............Thinking (T) 44.44%
    Judging (J) 51.43%............Perceiving (P) 48.57%

  10. #30
    lurking.... Wyst's Avatar
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    I had a good talk with the ENFJ on Saturday. I let him know up front about me sometimes being unavailable (being present in convos) and told him, "Look, I'll be working on being more available, but sometimes I might seem easily irritated and/or pissed off at you. It's not because I hate your guts or am sick of you, it's just me showing my selfishness with my time and emotional energy, something I need to work on."

    He was really receptive and readily acknowledged his repeating stories. For the rest of the day he kept saying, "I know I'm repeating myself but..." haha, poor guy. I hope he gives himself a break.

    We ended up signing a lease later that day on a NICE apartment.
    Last edited by Wyst; 02-23-2010 at 08:12 AM.

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