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  1. #1
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    Default INFJ and distance in relationships

    wondering how you guys perceive yourselves (if being INFJ) or how you perceive your significant other (him or her being INFJ) in relationship?
    cold, mysterious, distant and aloof?

    thoughts? opinions?

    hmmmmm....

  2. #2
    Member Tycho's Avatar
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    Some of my negative traits:
    - I can analyse our bond way too much
    - I constantly have crushes on other girls :blushing:
    - I need a lot of time for myself; and I prefer to spend that fully alone
    - I am much more assertive than my INFP type 9 girlfriend..
    - I'm not outgoing/ adventurous

    But on the good side:
    - I understand her feelings quite well
    - I'm very, very passionate about her..
    - I know how to make her feel "special"
    - I'm always honest
    - She likes that I'm a bit complex
    - We're both good at solving conflicts

  3. #3
    Senior Member Chunes's Avatar
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    I've been in a long-distance thing with my INFJ girlfriend. (I'm male INFP type 9.)

    I wanted to touch on some of Tycho's points first..

    Quote Originally Posted by Tycho View Post
    Some of my negative traits:
    - I can analyse our bond way too much
    Not negative. This is one of my favorite things to do with her.

    - I constantly have crushes on other girls :blushing:
    I have noticed that she has a lot of love to give others, including many fellows. Not exactly crushes but more like.. she has too much love to keep bottled up inside and use it only on me, though this doesn't diminish her love for me in any way. We have absolute trust in one another not to pass any specific boundaries. It takes a little bit different perspective perhaps for an INFP who has far fewer intimate connections in their life, but no biggie.

    - I need a lot of time for myself; and I prefer to spend that fully alone
    She doesn't seem this way, but I know sooner or later she's going to need this time. Once again, this is similar to me, so it works out well. This seems somewhat mitigated by being long-distance as well (even though we'll often spend hours and hours every day together).

    - I am much more assertive than my INFP type 9 girlfriend..
    Are you crazy? This is my favorite thing about my INFJ! I help her be a little more mellow and she helps me be a bit more assertive. We complement each other very well in this regard.

    - I'm not outgoing/ adventurous
    No worries; neither are we. But you are delightfully spontaneous, which is wonderful.

    But on the good side:
    - I understand her feelings quite well
    - I'm very, very passionate about her..
    - I know how to make her feel "special"
    - I'm always honest
    - She likes that I'm a bit complex
    - We're both good at solving conflicts
    Yesss. She is the most honest person I've ever met, and has in fact caused me to become a more honest and committed person. And we are extremely good about ironing out the little bumps that form between us, by bringing up things that we are uncomfortable with and talking about them. As an INFP type 9 this is extremely difficult for me, but you can't argue with results.

    ----

    The main thing I've noticed with her is we are able to keep the flames of passion going just as intensely as the day we met, long-distance. There's just this unshakable bond that cares not about distance. I also admire her creativity regarding things we can do online to interact in fresh new ways.

    Cold, mysterious, distant, and aloof are all OPPOSITES of what I would consider her to be. She's warm, revealing, close, and involved.
    "If you would convince a man that he does wrong, do right. But do not care to convince him. Men will believe what they see. Let them see."
    Thoreau

  4. #4
    Cat Wench ReadingRainbows's Avatar
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    Me INFJ (lower introversion though)
    - I analyze everything
    - get kinda touchy about things
    - spend extended periods of time on my computer
    - am insanely private
    - don't always say what bothers me
    Him INTP (though I suspect he is an entp)
    - Very very blunt but but not rude
    - constantly joking
    - Very good at picking up on personal ques
    - Never seems annoyed by my jokes or what have you.
    - Very Honest

    We have so many little things in common that it is good, atleast for now
    Quote Originally Posted by EffEmDoubleyou View Post
    St. Stephen took rocks and St. Sebastian took arrows. You only have to take some jerks on an internet forum. Nut up.

  5. #5
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    If I'm dating you to the point of being your girlfriend, be prepared to be shown luuurve

    I don't see myself as 'aloof' or 'distant' at all. I'm rather the opposite, because I seek a lot of emotional intimacy. I don't date casually, and once I'm committed, I'm really committed. I like taking care of people I love, and I like it that they let me take care of them. Actually, I have to try to hold back and not smother my INFP (but usually he doesn't mind being smothered that much anyway ) I have my own inner world, and while at certain times I like it that he describes it as 'mysterious', I still try to close that gap and try to have a total understanding between us.

    However, before I get to that point, I'm very cautious. I analyze everything to death. I'm easily spooked so if something doesn't seem right I run. I might come off as aloof and distant with acquaintances, though, but definitely not with people I love.

  6. #6
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chunes View Post
    I've been in a long-distance thing with my INFJ girlfriend. (I'm male INFP type 9.)
    Oooh, same situation here! I'm in a currently long-distance relationship with my INFP boyfriend (probably 9w1)!

    The distance is depressing, but the relationship is just wonderful

  7. #7
    failure to thrive AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
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    This is what I have on facebook in the 'about me' section:

    hmmmmm......let's see........unknown, alternative, spunky, contemplative, intuitive, sorta grungy, a funny Biatch, generous, loving, content, discontent, you know.

    My friends usually tell me I'm laid back, yet I don't always feel laid back. They also say I'm the most stubborn person they know.

    Edit: I think I could have a ldr but it would definitely have to be peppered with trimonthly conjugal visits.
    Last edited by AphroditeGoneAwry; 02-18-2010 at 10:01 AM.
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  8. #8
    lurking.... Wyst's Avatar
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    I'd say that both my exes would characterize me as being cold, aloof, and to a large degree, holding myself back from really letting them get to know me.

    Both of those relationships were long distance. I never want to do long distance again.

  9. #9
    Cat Wench ReadingRainbows's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wyst View Post
    I'd say that both my exes would characterize me as being cold, aloof, and to a large degree, holding myself back from really letting them get to know me.

    Both of those relationships were long distance. I never want to do long distance again.
    Long distance sucks so bad. You spend more time dreaming about being with someone than acctually being with them.
    Quote Originally Posted by EffEmDoubleyou View Post
    St. Stephen took rocks and St. Sebastian took arrows. You only have to take some jerks on an internet forum. Nut up.

  10. #10
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    Distance sucks!

    Perhaps negative:

    Over analyze, sometimes wonder how much love and affection is real. Spend too much time thinking about her and the relationship when I should be focusing on the world and the day-to-day stuff. Really need to keep Romantic Love in check, not idealize her, and strive for Companionate Love.

    Will not compromise my morals for anyone.

    Can be to loving of other women, head to toe cashmere what can I say, but never past admiration.

    When it's time to recharge good luck reaching me and may also be perceived as unstable when undergoing an internal shift.

    Should stop talking about thirty seconds before I do, just shut up and kiss me fool... WHAT! Duhho -Mostly in the getting to know you stage however.

    When it's time to step up the intimacy can be too much because I just want to love you to bits. This is sometimes perceived as codependency which it is from the point of view of love and affection, however my battles are mine and yours are ours.

    Can have great difficulty opening up all the different parts of being.

    Second guess what I'm feeling right before the transition from friend to romance.

    "I can't take this feeling in my heart anymore, time for me step and make my way through the door. If by chance I see you on this road once again, I can guarantee you that I will not pretend."
    -k-os


    Positive:

    Loyal, loving and honest beyond most expectations.

    Excellent listener, which can be negative because I pursue all the details to understand the situation. Definitely not good if you're dating a Scorpio, this would be an excellent time to exercise wisdom and self-control!

    Always willing to pitch in.

    So long as trust hasn't been absolutely violated, will never stay angry for long.

    Love doing unexpected loving things just to show it.

    Conscience of my feelings and needs also hopefully understanding and accommodating of hers, I think so. Enjoy being her pillar and do get annoyed if she is still phoning her father before coming to me. (Once the relationship has turned serious.)

    "If all the love history knows is found in every rose, then what I feel for you could not be found in any two."
    -umm don't remember who wrote it.

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