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  1. #11
    lurking.... Wyst's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rainbows View Post
    Long distance sucks so bad. You spend more time dreaming about being with someone than acctually being with them.
    Dreaming about the person + not spending time with them = unrealistic expectations

    Not good.

  2. #12
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    Not cold, mysterious, distant, or aloof with my SO. I can be touchy, moody, and a little demanding, though.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  3. #13
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    It's been years since I've progressed beyond the dating stage and been in an actual relationship, but in past relationships I don't think I'd consider myself (and don't think others would consider me) cold or aloof. Distant? Perhaps it might be perceived that way, but really that depends on the level of trust built. Basically, I don't just spontaneously talk about myself, with anyone, really.... others typically need to dig for the information, ask questions, and demonstrate a desire to get to know me...so in that sense, Time plays a role. Time to just get to see the various sides of me, and time for me to feel more comfortable with the relationship, trust in it, and be willing/open to take the risk to be more open. But I'm not intentionally mysterious or distant....and have never been called either of those terms.

    If anything, when I'm really into someone, I'm pretty opposite - I'm warm, pretty affectionate, communicative, more upfront about stating my needs, my feelings, talking through things, etc. If I'm mostly tactful, and not terribly responsive, it usually means I either don't trust the person enough, I don't want the relationship to go that deep, or am not ready for it/unsure of how I feel.
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

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  4. #14
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    I don't agree with any of the descriptors used in the OP. I would characterize myself as very warm, affectionate and open in a relationship. I prefer to get things talked out if there is something wrong and I find it hard to hide how I feel, even when I would like to. In a long distance situation I like to keep in contact through fat letters with little suprises enclosed, email or phone calls. People will not find out everything about me all at once, but if they show they are truly interested and will not make fun of what I tell them, I usually open up very well.

  5. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    I don't agree with any of the descriptors used in the OP. I would characterize myself as very warm, affectionate and open in a relationship. I prefer to get things talked out if there is something wrong and I find it hard to hide how I feel, even when I would like to. In a long distance situation I like to keep in contact through fat letters with little suprises enclosed, email or phone calls. People will not find out everything about me all at once, but if they show they are truly interested and will not make fun of what I tell them, I usually open up very well.
    This is me. I open up easily, once someone shows an interest. Like you, I won't talk all about myself all at once. It makes me uncomfortable to be too self-focused. Most of the time I'd rather hear about someone else's life or how they are feeling/doing. I'm not distant or too protective of myself. I'm private, though, and extremely loyal when I care for someone. Extremely. If there's a rift at all in a friendship, I immediately go to repair, and am always optimistic that the friendship/love will prevail. I also find it hard to hide how I feel---even when I can't voice it, I'm sure the other person knows that something is up. The heart is on the sleeve.

  6. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by cascadeco View Post
    It's been years since I've progressed beyond the dating stage and been in an actual relationship, but in past relationships I don't think I'd consider myself (and don't think others would consider me) cold or aloof.
    Yup same, actually I havent been out dating in a few years either. I dated for a few years after getting divorced but then a bunch of life happened and now people find me too intense. Me? Nooo? What am I supposed to do change to meet a woman, I dont think so I like who I am and that would be a lie. Dont ever ask me to lie for all the reasons Id rather die. I just feel like Im suppose to be doing something else with my life maybe a delusion but I do feel like Im missing the point at times.

    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    People will not find out everything about me all at once, but if they show they are truly interested and will not make fun of what I tell them, I usually open up very well.
    This is worded much better than how I initially eluded to it.

  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by odetoio View Post
    Yup same, actually I havent been out dating in a few years either. I dated for a few years after getting divorced but then a bunch of life happened and now people find me too intense. Me? Nooo? What am I supposed to do change to meet a woman, I dont think so I like who I am and that would be a lie. Dont ever ask me to lie for all the reasons Id rather die. I just feel like Im suppose to be doing something else with my life maybe a delusion but I do feel like Im missing the point at times.



    This is worded much better than how I initially eluded to it.
    odetoio, you just weren't dating the right women after your divorce. an enfp would love your intensity - go find one. . . actually they are probably stalking you as we speak.

  8. #18
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    wondering if i should be more fun, or more caring, but definately not more intense. until then I will stay more whimsical. I guess that makes me somewhat distant then.

  9. #19
    From the Undertow CuriousFeeling's Avatar
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    Depends on who I'm with. Sometimes I'll get distant if I feel unsafe with the other person, or if they give off a vibe that I can't trust them. Otherwise, I'm really warm, sensitive, and encouraging. I become an advocate for my SO. I can be demanding though since I see so much growth potential in the other person, I urge them to realize their dreams (assuming it will yield the greatest good for the greatest number). I only get distant when something's really eating at me.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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    “Thoughts are the shadows of our feelings -- always darker, emptier and simpler.”
    ― Friedrich Nietzsche




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