[INFJ] Flirting Tips for an INFJ

[CuriousFeeling]

I've become fond of a guy in one of my classes. Whenever I talk with him, while I do feel at ease with him, because I find him attractive I feel kind of awkward at the same time. As an introvert, it can be nerve wracking in the flirting procedure. I don't want to come on too strong too quickly either. Any flirting tips?

Thanks in advance.

 

[ReadingRainbows]

This sounds cliche and stupid. Just talk to him. Talk to him about anything, if he likes something that you like say "hey that blank blank blank is kick ass" Did you know "blank blank blank" about that? be yourself

 

[Vasilisa]

flirty girl

I don't have tips and tricks, really, but here are just some thoughts. Look into his eyes. I don't mean a staring contest, obvs. I'm shy and don't always make eye contact, so maybe you're like that too. If you let your gaze meet his he might feel your interest. Be aware of your unconscious body language, too, you can transmit a lot of signals that way.

As for verbal flirting, hmmm maybe you could use our special INFJ powers of empathy to notice when he seems happy and give him a nice smile, or when he is down you could show some concern but not in a prying way. It might make him feel noticed and special. Just remember not to worry too much about how vulnerable you feel, we tend to do that and it keep us from putting ourselves out there.

I wish you success and fun in finding your inner flirty girl.

 

[CuriousFeeling]

I don't have tips and tricks, really, but here are just some thoughts. Look into his eyes. I don't mean a staring contest, obvs. I'm shy and don't always make eye contact, so maybe you're like that too. If you let your gaze meet his he might feel your interest. Be aware of your unconscious body language, too, you can transmit a lot of signals that way.

As for verbal flirting, hmmm maybe you could use our special INFJ powers of empathy to notice when he seems happy and give him a nice smile, or when he is down you could show some concern but not in a prying way. It might make him feel noticed and special. Just remember not to worry too much about how vulnerable you feel, we tend to do that and it keep us from putting ourselves out there.

I wish you success and fun in finding your inner flirty girl.

The eye contact thing is something I really need to work on in general with speaking to people. I struggle with this. I really enjoy people's company, just looking at them directly makes me feel like I'm under surveillance or something, lol, it's like "oh god, what if I say something and it sounds really weird and they think I'm odd." I hate those awkward moments, lol. But the guy is sweet, so working on the eye contact thing wouldn't be too hard.

Good idea with the empathy thing. I think it will be effective.

 

[jtanSis1]

It's like stage fright, your not used to the intensity. You just need to relax and realize that you like talking to him, so it's not a big deal. Then your anxieties lessen and you loosen up.

 

[QPoet]

Touch him on the arm or shoulder at some point. Not for too long or too intensely. But just enough for him to notice. That can get my attention when many other things may not.

 

[michL87]

Get him to talk about himself and make sure you verbalize that what he's telling you about is interesting. Then ask questions to get him to expand upon what he's telling you about. Say stuff like "ohh that's really cool!" and then ask a question. People like to talk about things that they're doing and are interesting to them, and they like when other people find what they're talking about to be interesting. This is the easiest thing to do, because you don't even have to talk much! Also make sure to cross your legs in his direction and nod on occasion to show your interest in what he's saying. And don't be overly touchy, because that makes guys feel like you're too clingy, which is a turn-off.

 

[JivinJeffJones]

Laugh at his jokes. When in a group together give him your main attention. Stick your chest out a bit. Play with your hair. I wouldn't worry about crossing your legs in his direction -- just crossing your legs frequently around him will probably do the job. Although if you obviously cross your legs in his direction a lot he may catch on, since everyone knows that little bit of body-language lore. So it could work. Stretch in his presence every now and then.

Use these powers only for good.

 

[Skyward]

What's funny is that I'm sure I would miss all those kinds of queues even after reading this thread (and others). One thing to keep in mind is that men are pretty blind to subtle things (well if they're anything like me ) and thrown off by obvious things like telling them directly (It works, but not everyone's style; I know my mind would be locked into a Syntax Error for a long time)

The best advice, yeah, talk to them! Show interest in what they say, add to what they're saying (I know people who kind of go 'How are you?' 'Fine' 'That's good' and the conversation dies.) Don't worry about being random to add to the conversation (In my book, anyone an INFJ is comfortable around is probably not going to be fazed by a non sequitur).

Give them your attention, basically. They'll appreciate it.

 

[whynot]

Genuinely laugh and smile when you're talking with him, ask him questions and show a real interest in him... and try to relax and be confident. Confidence is the best. Your sincerity will shine through and you'll be irresistible.

 

[CuriousFeeling]

I value sincerity a lot. I think finding a core shared value might be helpful when conversing with someone I'm interested in. Will help me to come out a bit more too.

 

[Billy]

Eye contact, smile, play with your hair, give him some body language to read, if that fails, just be blunt and tell him you think he is cute, if he doesn't pick that up, then walk away in frustration, he might be a dumbass

 

[kccrush]

i agree with everyone here. I find the best way to be flirtatious is to sound happy, engaged in the conversation, and interested in the other person. Confidence is incredibly important. But when it gets to the point that it's just you at dinner - like a more intimate setting - I've learned to look at the lips. Eye contact for too long is hard for me, too. So I sort of stare leisurely at the lips of the other person like I'm thinking about kissing them. Then you can look back up at their eyes and normally they'll know what you're thinking about

 

[Aquarelle]

I've become fond of a guy in one of my classes. Whenever I talk with him, while I do feel at ease with him, because I find him attractive I feel kind of awkward at the same time. As an introvert, it can be nerve wracking in the flirting procedure. I don't want to come on too strong too quickly either. Any flirting tips?

Thanks in advance.

Have a couple drinks before class.

No, seriously, I know how you feel-- I am rubbish at flirting!! I always found it was best to be my non-flirt self... just smile and start a conversation. Class makes that easy because you can use the class material as an easy starting point: "What did you think of the reading?" or "Wow, that was a lot of homework! I didn't get it all done, did you?" You don't necessarily have to flirt - just come up with a way to have a few conversations and get to know you better. Good luck!

 

[Lily flower]

Admire him. Guys love to be admired. Tell him everything he does that is amazing, from a comment he made in class, to the way he dresses, whatever. And definitely practice the eye thing. Look at him straight in the eyes, while thinking "I love you." The eyes will communicate the message without you having to put yourself out there too much.

You can also ask him out on a "date that's not a date." Ask him to something non-threatening that doesn't sound like a date normally. For instance, invite him to be part of a group fund raiser or a study group or go to Bible study or to play raquetball with a group of friends (whatever you are interested in that's not dinner and a movie). What's important is that spending time together outside your normal meeting place (ie class) will give you more opportunities for something to happen.

 

[mochajava]

Are you a male or female? Then I can direct my response. But listen REALLY well - there's something electrifying about getting listened to well.

 

[CuriousFeeling]

Are you a male or female? Then I can direct my response. But listen REALLY well - there's something electrifying about getting listened to well.

I'm female.

 

[Udog]

Do that INFJ thing where you make the person feel like a million dollars without them realizing that's what you are doing. If he's interested and not terribly shy, that's probably all it takes.