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  1. #1
    Member BMEF's Avatar
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    Unhappy Infatuated INFJ!

    These past two years I have fallen in love with a teacher. I think that she is totally unaware of how much I love her. Other than the fact that she is married and is at least 15 years old older than I am, I know that I'll never "marry" her. I've been thinking about this woman since my first year in high school. I'm now a sophomore. She's an ESTJ. She teaches me once every three school days. She's been teaching me for two years. She likes me though... she definitely doesn't hate me. She's so hot that it's even more heartbreaking that there are other boys that have a crush on her. I blush whenever I talk to her; my hair stands on its end (I have to rub my neck with my left arm for personal comfort when talking to her). I'm always QUIET in her class. All I do is nod my head, and if I wanted to ask her something after class I would wait for everyone in my class to leave the room then I would say something like: "Excuse me, ma'am...." or "May I please talk to you for a minute?"... When I found out that she got married about a month ago, I literally spent that whole day secretly crying in my bedroom.. Two weeks ago, I found out that this will be her last year at our school!!

    I need guidance and would like to hear what other people have to say about this. How can I get over her? Am I hurting myself in the long run? If I email her in the future, will she reply to my messages or will she "ignore" them and move on with her life. I've heard that ESTJs are not very good with long distance relationships. I was thinking about facebook-ing her but after viewing her small friend list (which I was surprised because I knew that many people adore her).. I thought that it might be inappropriate. I'm thinking about writing to her a small thank-you book that I will present to her on the last day of school... Is that inappropriate too? I'm paranoid right now. Please help me.

  2. #2

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    How old are you, mate?

  3. #3
    Member BMEF's Avatar
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    16 years old.

  4. #4
    Member Tycho's Avatar
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    It's a disaster to grow up without having known this pain and embarassment.

    This crush is something that you could cherish to become familiar with intensive love. But if you take it serious, you can only get desillusioned.

    Better opportunities for love will come soon.

  5. #5
    Member BMEF's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tycho View Post
    It's a disaster to grow up without having known this pain and embarassment.

    This crush is something that you could cherish to become familiar with intensive love. But if you take it serious, you can only get desillusioned.

    Better opportunities for love will come soon.
    So, are you implying that I'm fooling no one but my self?

    And thanks for the hope!

    Whenever I read online stories about girls falling in love with jocks in high school, boys having crushes on their teachers, and vice-versa..., many people say things like "Get over it." "It's normal. It will fade as time passes by". With me, it's a totally different story. It's complicated.

  6. #6
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    What do you hope to achieve by e-mailing her? Or by Facebook-ing her? That will only tie you more to her. You have to let her go. It is difficult, you will feel miserable and it might take a long time but you already know that nothing romantic will ever come of this.

    Out of respect for her and for yourself, you simply have to let her go, live your own life and find happiness for yourself. Getting over her will not be easy when you're constantly holding on to your feelings.

    You can take this as a valuable lesson for the future. Instead of trying to look for quick fixes, try to cherish the things you've learned about yourself and from the feelings you have had for these past years and turn them towards the future. What are the things that you've learned about yourself all this time? How have they been beneficial to you? The love and admiration you've felt for this woman is a valuable gift to you and for the person to whom you will eventually give them again in the future.

    What you can do to get over the feelings and the sorrow you're feeling at the moment is to not let the negative thoughts get you down. It will be difficult but there is no doubt that you will eventually find something good in all of this.

    Maybe you could find a distraction, a hobby, something to keep your mind occupied, off the negative thoughts, and to give you something to look forward to. Find a healthy hobby and don't try to force channeling your feelings towards somebody else, it will only make you and them miserable in the long run.

    If you're interested in writing, drawing, or creating music or something artistic like that, you can put your feelings in your artistic creation and find an outlet this way. Find something that makes you feel good and positive. Don't let the feelings fester inside of you, this will only hold you back. Let them out of you and let them go.

    I think your idea about the thank-you book is lovely and not inappropriate at all. Maybe you could see that as a commemoration of your feelings for her and as the start of closure for you. Let her go and give yourself a chance to feel those feelings again for somebody who will reciprocate them.

    Best of luck with everything!

  7. #7
    Member BMEF's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sky is BLUE! View Post
    What do you hope to achieve by e-mailing her? Or by Facebook-ing her? That will only tie you more to her. You have to let her go. It is difficult, you will feel miserable and it might take a long time but you already know that nothing romantic will ever come of this.

    Out of respect for her and for yourself, you simply have to let her go, live your own life and find happiness for yourself. Getting over her will not be easy when you're constantly holding on to your feelings.

    You can take this as a valuable lesson for the future. Instead of trying to look for quick fixes, try to cherish the things you've learned about yourself and from the feelings you have had for these past years and turn them towards the future. What are the things that you've learned about yourself all this time? How have they been beneficial to you? The love and admiration you've felt for this woman is a valuable gift to you and for the person to whom you will eventually give them again in the future.

    What you can do to get over the feelings and the sorrow you're feeling at the moment is to not let the negative thoughts get you down. It will be difficult but there is no doubt that you will eventually find something good in all of this.

    Maybe you could find a distraction, a hobby, something to keep your mind occupied, off the negative thoughts, and to give you something to look forward to. Find a healthy hobby and don't try to force channeling your feelings towards somebody else, it will only make you and them miserable in the long run.

    If you're interested in writing, drawing, or creating music or something artistic like that, you can put your feelings in your artistic creation and find an outlet this way. Find something that makes you feel good and positive. Don't let the feelings fester inside of you, this will only hold you back. Let them out of you and let them go.

    I think your idea about the thank-you book is lovely and not inappropriate at all. Maybe you could see that as a commemoration of your feelings for her and as the start of closure for you. Let her go and give yourself a chance to feel those feelings again for somebody who will reciprocate them.

    Best of luck with everything!
    Thank you very much for that lovely post! Yet, she helped me gain a lot of self-confidence and I'm probably an asset in her class.. Isn't that something that I should take with me throughout my life? I mean other than her physical appearance, she is my role-model at life.. I would like to ask you one more question please... Let's say that she "left my country" and came back for a visit 2-5 years from now, can I invite her for a cup of coffee or is that going to make my love for her become worse? I mean, what if I'll be attracted to her in a non-sexual way. I can still be friends with her, can't I?
    Thanks for the advice.

  8. #8
    Ruler of the Stars Asterion's Avatar
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  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by BMEF View Post
    Thank you very much for that lovely post! Yet, she helped me gain a lot of self-confidence and I'm probably an asset in her class.. Isn't that something that I should take with me throughout my life? I mean other than her physical appearance, she is my role-model at life.. I would like to ask you one more question please... Let's say that she "left my country" and came back for a visit 2-5 years from now, can I invite her for a cup of coffee or is that going to make my love for her become worse? I mean, what if I'll be attracted to her in a non-sexual way. I can still be friends with her, can't I?
    Thanks for the advice.
    You're welcome. Yes, absolutely, think about all the positive things that knowing her has given you but don't dwell on it and don't become obsessed. Think of her as a role-model whom you are lucky to have known, somebody who you respect and who has been a positive influence on you.

    I think only you can answer your question 2-5 years from now.

    If you're going to think about all this that you'll wait around for her for years to come, thinking that you will be older and more mature and more suitable for her that way and hoping to develop something more than just a friendship, then I don't think it's a healthy approach and it's not going to help you get over her.

    But if you think that you might see her again after years in the future and if you think that there is a chance to have a nice platonic friendship with her then inviting her for a cup is just fine. You can definitely be friends with her if she's willing to be friends with you as well.

  10. #10
    mrs disregard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BMEF View Post
    So, are you implying that I'm fooling no one but my self?

    And thanks for the hope!

    Whenever I read online stories about girls falling in love with jocks in high school, boys having crushes on their teachers, and vice-versa..., many people say things like "Get over it." "It's normal. It will fade as time passes by". With me, it's a totally different story. It's complicated.
    They say that because they themselves have been deeply, deeply in love with someone at that age too, and it wasn't "simple", it was very real to them, yet.. a handful of years later, they are devoid of those romantic feelings for the person. Time has depleted its significance. Often because all emotion associated with the person has been used up. Sometimes because you grow disillusioned and even try not to think about the person because you regret being attracted to them in the first place.

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