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  1. #11

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    Every single one of those stories are "different" and "complicated". We've all been there before in one way or another and some point, and some of us still haven't completely gotten over some people.

    There's a girl I've had an irrational crush on for years, and to this day she still makes me self-conscious and weak in the knees when I see her. I talk to her when I see her, and it crushes me that she will never know the joy that is the relationship that we could have had, were circumstances different. I'm in a happy relationship and I get lots of female attention as a performer and musician, and yet this one girl still has such a profound and inexplicable effect on me. I accept that.

    Attraction is not a choice- but how you respond to it and what you do about it most certainly is. Acknowledge and accept how you feel, and then ask yourself- what do you really want to be doing about it? How would she respond, or react? If you dare to listen to yourself, you'll find that you already know the answers.

  2. #12
    Let me count the ways Betty Blue's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BMEF View Post
    These past two years I have fallen in love with a teacher. I think that she is totally unaware of how much I love her. Other than the fact that she is married and is at least 15 years old older than I am, I know that I'll never "marry" her. I've been thinking about this woman since my first year in high school. I'm now a sophomore. She's an ESTJ. She teaches me once every three school days. She's been teaching me for two years. She likes me though... she definitely doesn't hate me. She's so hot that it's even more heartbreaking that there are other boys that have a crush on her. I blush whenever I talk to her; my hair stands on its end (I have to rub my neck with my left arm for personal comfort when talking to her). I'm always QUIET in her class. All I do is nod my head, and if I wanted to ask her something after class I would wait for everyone in my class to leave the room then I would say something like: "Excuse me, ma'am...." or "May I please talk to you for a minute?"... When I found out that she got married about a month ago, I literally spent that whole day secretly crying in my bedroom.. Two weeks ago, I found out that this will be her last year at our school!!

    I need guidance and would like to hear what other people have to say about this. How can I get over her? Am I hurting myself in the long run? If I email her in the future, will she reply to my messages or will she "ignore" them and move on with her life. I've heard that ESTJs are not very good with long distance relationships. I was thinking about facebook-ing her but after viewing her small friend list (which I was surprised because I knew that many people adore her).. I thought that it might be inappropriate. I'm thinking about writing to her a small thank-you book that I will present to her on the last day of school... Is that inappropriate too? I'm paranoid right now. Please help me.
    The fact that she has said her vows to someone else should be a clear indication thats she's not available to you right now. I'm sure it smarts like nothing else and you never forget your first love weather reciprocated or not. However if she is happily married the only thing that would happen by letting her know how you feel is a whole lot of hurt, mainly your pride. If she is a great role model for you theres no point ruining the current relationship you have with her. Believe it or not she may already know how you feel. I suppose you could ask her if you could stay in touch after she leaves as she has been an inspiration to you but remember she is married and respect that. It's very unlikely you will ever have a romantic relationship with her but you could stay in touch if you keep your boundaries in check. Oh and make sure your not still in school should a day come when shes not married and you want to tell her how you feel. I feel for you, no pain on earth like it.
    "We knew he was someone who had a tragic flaw, that's where his greatness came from"

  3. #13
    From the Undertow CuriousFeeling's Avatar
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    It's very important to keep in mind that a relationship with her will be unlikely. I know it will be hard to bear at the moment, but look at it this way, this crush is an important part of the learning process. From this, you will figure out what traits you find attractive. It would be sensible to keep this infatuation to yourself for the time being. I know this will be frustrating for you, but as time progresses, you will discover this is the best thing to do.

    Look at it this way, she's a positive role model and has made a big impression on you. This is a learning experience in what attracts you to someone. This will be helpful when you fall in love with a girl, since you'll already know what you like, and even what you don't like in someone. It's something that is important to know before you start dating.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    Johari/Nohari

    “Thoughts are the shadows of our feelings -- always darker, emptier and simpler.”
    ― Friedrich Nietzsche




  4. #14
    Member BMEF's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by King-Of-Despair View Post
    I didn't read the 8 pages (yes, laziness) but I scanned through it. I appreciate the fact that you posted that link!

    Quote Originally Posted by Sky is BLUE! View Post
    You're welcome. Yes, absolutely, think about all the positive things that knowing her has given you but don't dwell on it and don't become obsessed. Think of her as a role-model whom you are lucky to have known, somebody who you respect and who has been a positive influence on you.

    I think only you can answer your question 2-5 years from now.

    If you're going to think about all this that you'll wait around for her for years to come, thinking that you will be older and more mature and more suitable for her that way and hoping to develop something more than just a friendship, then I don't think it's a healthy approach and it's not going to help you get over her.

    But if you think that you might see her again after years in the future and if you think that there is a chance to have a nice platonic friendship with her then inviting her for a cup is just fine. You can definitely be friends with her if she's willing to be friends with you as well.
    Best advice I've heard from anyone so far!

    Quote Originally Posted by disregard View Post
    They say that because they themselves have been deeply, deeply in love with someone at that age too, and it wasn't "simple", it was very real to them, yet.. a handful of years later, they are devoid of those romantic feelings for the person. Time has depleted its significance. Often because all emotion associated with the person has been used up. Sometimes because you grow disillusioned and even try not to think about the person because you regret being attracted to them in the first place.
    Hmmm... What an interesting perspective. I can totally connect to your last sentence.

    Quote Originally Posted by GemPOPGem View Post
    The fact that she has said her vows to someone else should be a clear indication thats she's not available to you right now. I'm sure it smarts like nothing else and you never forget your first love weather reciprocated or not. However if she is happily married the only thing that would happen by letting her know how you feel is a whole lot of hurt, mainly your pride. If she is a great role model for you theres no point ruining the current relationship you have with her. Believe it or not she may already know how you feel. I suppose you could ask her if you could stay in touch after she leaves as she has been an inspiration to you but remember she is married and respect that. It's very unlikely you will ever have a romantic relationship with her but you could stay in touch if you keep your boundaries in check. Oh and make sure your not still in school should a day come when shes not married and you want to tell her how you feel. I feel for you, no pain on earth like it.
    I'm not and I've never planned on interfering on her and her husband's relationship. Yet, it wouldn't bother to have a platonic relationship with her if I know my boundaries... ?

    Quote Originally Posted by CuriousFeeling View Post
    It's very important to keep in mind that a relationship with her will be unlikely. I know it will be hard to bear at the moment, but look at it this way, this crush is an important part of the learning process. From this, you will figure out what traits you find attractive. It would be sensible to keep this infatuation to yourself for the time being. I know this will be frustrating for you, but as time progresses, you will discover this is the best thing to do.

    Look at it this way, she's a positive role model and has made a big impression on you. This is a learning experience in what attracts you to someone. This will be helpful when you fall in love with a girl, since you'll already know what you like, and even what you don't like in someone. It's something that is important to know before you start dating.
    If I no longer think about "making love" or "living with her", then I can still see her as much as I see her nowadays..?

    Thanks for the advice guys! It's never to late to offer more advice! My brain is always craving for more information!

  5. #15
    Let me count the ways Betty Blue's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BMEF View Post
    I didn't read the 8 pages (yes, laziness) but I scanned through it. I appreciate the fact that you posted that link!



    Best advice I've heard from anyone so far!



    Hmmm... What an interesting perspective. I can totally connect to your last sentence.



    I'm not and I've never planned on interfering on her and her husband's relationship. Yet, it wouldn't bother to have a platonic relationship with her if I know my boundaries... ?



    If I no longer think about "making love" or "living with her", then I can still see her as much as I see her nowadays..?

    Thanks for the advice guys! It's never to late to offer more advice! My brain is always craving for more information!
    I don't think there is a problem with having a platonic relationship with her after you/she leaves the school as long as its ok with her too. Plenty of people stay in touch with their teachers/mentors/guides. Some even become good friends. I also know of a student who went on to marry her teacher (6 years after school finished) but he wasn't married befor her. I think it's fine. Age differences in friends do not matter so much.
    "We knew he was someone who had a tragic flaw, that's where his greatness came from"

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