[MBTI General] NF and NT... drawn together like moth to flame

[Veneti]

NF's smell good

And they taste like chicken.

 

[Badlands]

I've had very different experiences between NFPs and NFJs. Two of my best friends are NFPs, but my mom, aunt, and sister are NFJs, and while my sister is okay (at least she doesn't bother when she's angry and spends time alone), my mom and aunt tend to become manipulative and hurtful when they are angry. Possibly INFJ vs. ENFJ?

 

[sakuraba]

Hi NFs

 

[sriv]

And they taste like chicken.

They tear like one too. Cut along the veins and it's like eating white meat.

 

[Motor Jax]

i deal pretty well with NT's anyways

 

[songofcalamity]

I don't like extroverted NT. But I can deal with them better than SJ.

 

[Spartacuss]

NFs make me feel like a human being.

So true. An INFx broke my heart. Before that, I didn't know I had one. It seems like he didn't know, either. But I still <3 NFs.

 

[MetalWounds]

Those crazy spontaneous ENFs have gotten me into a lot of trouble in the past.

 

[Spartacuss]

I COMPLETELY agree with your analysis. I have a male INFJ friend who is like my touchstone. He makes me feel like I am a human being. It seems like he is the only man that has ever really understood me..and accepts me exactly as I am.

Yes! Not even the INTP I dated for longer than I was with the INFJ understood quite as well, though as a fellow INTP I might have expected him to. the INFx guy best understood unvocalized distress and would "soothe" or calm me without my ever having expressed that I was bothered (when I was). I think the strong N connection must have been at the bottom of it.

As for what he liked about me... beats me. I don't think I'm that great. But we both shared an intellectual curiosity and craziness and faux-macho playfulness, plus a deep love of music. He was an ex-musician.

 

[sriv]

Those crazy spontaneous ENFs have gotten me into a lot of trouble in the past.

Same here. They just drag me into stuff I do not really want to get into.

 

[MetalWounds]

Same here. They just drag me into stuff I do not really want to get into.

Usually I'm the one trying to convince my ENF friends to do something absolutely crazy, and when we do, it's the most fun you could have. I have a reputation for being a regular hell raiser.

 

[sriv]

Usually I'm the one trying to convince my ENF friends to do something absolutely crazy, and when we do, it's the most fun you could have. I have a reputation for being a regular hell raiser.

Oh lol, I misinterpreted. I am quite the legalist. It is my ENFP friend that always does crazy stuff.

 

[KLessard]

NFs can understand NT's thoughts, and they think about similar things. They both have an intense drive for self-improvement. NTs can sort and mold the NF's ideas into something coherent (thank god) and NF can lavishly praise the NT, which the NT, suffering from low self-esteem and persistent self-doubt, eats up like Ivy's sandwiches.

I just had a long and arduous experience with an INTP friend. During the first months, I was attracted to her like moth to flame and did A LOT to make her feel special and boost up her self-worth, feeling that she had a need on that level. She was receptive and responsive at first and quite kind, and often surprised by how I cared about her. We were building up what appeared like a good friendship, and I truly wished it to last, but after six months or so, she started being cold and indifferent to me, while I still tried hard to appreciate her and strenghten the link between us. I once asked her if I had done something hurtful to her and she just said "No." in a very detached way. She apologized in the same fashion, but kept having this attitude with me.
Now, my heart is hurt and dry, and I'm ready to let go and let her come herself to me if she wants this relationship to continue.
I belive the T and F with always generate friction, because any T can be very unemotional and hurt the F in a devastating way.

 

[phoenix13]

I have this image of the the NF/NT relationship and why it works:

NF -----------------> The Truth <-------------------NT

Actually, I'm not sure what you'd put in the middle... but if they're soul mates, it's the same thing, and they're going at it from opposite directions.


Also:

Now, my heart is hurt and dry, and I'm ready to let go and let her come herself to me if she wants this relationship to continue.

That's a VERY good idea. I've been on the "cold" side and needed a month +/- to get it together, so to speak. Chances are, she'll come around.

 

[Usehername]

I just had a long and arduous experience with an INTP friend. During the first months, I was attracted to her like moth to flame and did A LOT to make her feel special and boost up her self-worth, feeling that she had a need on that level. She was receptive and responsive at first and quite kind, and often surprised by how I cared about her. We were building up what appeared like a good friendship, and I truly wished it to last, but after six months or so, she started being cold and indifferent to me, while I still tried hard to appreciate her and strenghten the link between us. I once asked her if I had done something hurtful to her and she just said "No." in a very detached way. She apologized in the same fashion, but kept having this attitude with me.
Now, my heart is hurt and dry, and I'm ready to let go and let her come herself to me if she wants this relationship to continue.
I belive the T and F with always generate friction, because any T can be very unemotional and hurt the F in a devastating way.

I find with my female ENFJ friend, that I am the one too comfortable with the intimacy of our friendship. We both are important friends to each other, and both have acknowledged our natural "clinginess" to the other because our souls match so nicely (I should also point out we're both well-rounded people with lots of friend groups and only a few overlap).
But, I have found that the way it works for our friendship is to back off when I notice her getting uncomfortable, and give it space. Then, she chases after me and is the one desiring the closeness.

It's sort of annoying to always have it on her terms, but at the same time, if (and when) I've needed her, she's always been there. I'm just speaking generally.

I think it's because that's what everyone knows her for--the ENFJ friend who bears all burdens, etc. Whereas I'm the eccentric NT who only opens up for a few. I don't have people dumping their emotions on me near as often as she does. And I think being Fi rather than Fe makes it easier to hear others' emotions. Her Fe exhausts her, as I've learned from getting her to hear out all the crap I had to deal with in my personal life this year (rough year for my family, including a young cousin murdered... that sucked).

I'll betchya she just needs to come up for air. People are needy to my ENFJ friend all the time. So when she gets too much she just needs space. And then once I give that to her, she comes back to me all ready to dive deep and invest energy into our friendship.

It's probably a learned survival mechanism--she can't be your everything, as much as she wants to be. She knows this. So, she needs to see you can stand on your own two feet and enjoy life without her. She's probably been burned in the past by seemingly independent people who just won't stop clinging.

 

[Sarcasticus]

INTP + INFJ = fireworks. I thought my relationship with an ENFP gal was great but this is... well now I see what all the fuss is about. ;-)

 

[KLessard]

That's a VERY good idea. I've been on the "cold" side and needed a month +/- to get it together, so to speak. Chances are, she'll come around.

I did it a couple of times (leaving her alone and ignoring her for a little while) and she would take the initiative to come up to me, something she usually never does.

 

[KLessard]

INTP + INFJ = fireworks. I thought my relationship with an ENFP gal was great but this is... well now I see what all the fuss is about. ;-)

Please share your experience. What do you mean exactly ? Fireworks ?

 

[Sarcasticus]

Please share your experience. What do you mean exactly ? Fireworks ?

Just an amazing, simultaneous connection on mental, physical, and emotional/spiritual levels. And it happened instantly, like I'd known her all along.

In a word, Chemistry, I guess.

 

[sakuraba]

Many NT/NF relationships are like that.

Hard to explain. I never feel that way with SP or SJ