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  1. #1
    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    Default The Proper Care and Feeding of Sensors: A Manual by Sensors for Intuitives

    While there are undeniable and profound differences between Ss and Ns, Sensors bring a lot to the table. This thread looks at these same issues from a different angle than the discussion in this thread's sister thread: Are You Sick of Being an N in an S world?.

    Here's my question for all you Ns out there: Share what makes being around an S so great for an N. What are the unique strengths of being a Sensor that you've come to appreciate. And to all you Ss, tell us Ns how our N-ness can sometimes drive you crazy. Do you have any tips for Ns who want to improve their N/S interactions?

    Let me begin by sharing a discussion I had two weeks ago with my adorable ISTP boyfriend that shows how I have come to understand and appreciate Sensors (thanks to MBTI theory).

    I talk about love with a capital L. This is the kind of love that the angels sing about. That you stand upon a mountaintop and proclaim to the world. That poets write about. This is love in its conceptual form. And being able to articulate one’s feelings is really important for this kind of love. (How very NF of me, btw.)

    There was a time in my life that I would have said this kind of love was the only real kind of love there was…. That is Real with a capital R. And, I would have been ready to tell the Sensors I know that there was something wrong with them because they didn't express their feelings in the way I did. I might have accused them of being unable to dig deep into their feelings…. Sort of like they had some emotional block. I might even have gently encouraged them to go to therapy to help them get in touch with their feelings and get unblocked.

    I’ve since come to understand that I was looking at things the wrong way. I was assuming that everyone thought like me. This was such a fundamental assumption for me that it had never even occurred to me that there was another way to think about love.

    My boyfriend is a concrete thinker. He does not speak my native language (of abstraction) very well at all. So when he hears me make heartfelt declarations about how much I love him, he sometimes asks himself, ‘Why don’t I feel that way, too? Is there something wrong with me? Do I just not care for her as deeply as she cares for me?’ When he told me he was worried that he was fundamentally flawed in some way, here's what I told him:

    "You exude love. You show me you love me everyday in dozens of little ways. Like when you gave me your jacket to keep me warm last night. Like when you made me omelets for breakfast yesterday. Like when you remembered how I said I didn’t like the towels folded in a certain way and you folded them differently because you thought this would please me. These are all acts of love. This is love in its tangible form. And, this is you. There is nothing wrong with this.

    "If you wait around until you can articulate your feelings in the way that I do, you’re going to wait a very, very long time. You’re never going to have these deep, meaningful emotional moments all the time that I have without even trying. You need to give up this idea that there is something wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with you. We just communicate our feelings in very different ways.

    "You ask yourself if you are a deep person. But you are asking the wrong questions. Instead, why don’t you ask yourself if you could be happy with a partner who primarily expresses herself not with actions, but by speaking about concepts?

    "Are you willing to translate my expressions of love so you can understand them? Of course, I try to show you that I love you by my actions. But for me, the ‘money shot’ is the act of me articulating my feelings. You need to ask yourself if that’s enough for you. You need to ask yourself if you think I can make you happy for 30 years when in some ways we are speaking different languages and we will have to take this into account for the rest of our lives."
    Discuss. (Oh and you can see me and my ISTP hunny by looking at the attached thumbnail.)

    AUTHOR'S NOTE: You also may be interested in reading the sister to this thread: Are You Sick of Being an N in an S world?. This thread looks at the S/N communication gap from a different angle. The focus is on how Ns feel different from Sensors who make up 80% of the population. And it asks for Ns to share their frustrations and tips for improving S/N interactions.
    Attached Images Attached Images

  2. #2
    veteran attention whore Jeffster's Avatar
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  3. #3
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    I like this thread, as it is positive!
    Good on you for not promulgating division between sensors and intuitives.
    It's a pointless difference to get worked up about.

    What if the world were all sensors?
    What if the world were all intuitives?
    It would be a sucky, sucky world.

    I am ESTP, my wife is INFJ, and we have both made great efforts, and achieved great progress in our capability to understand each other, and communicate better. I'm interested in reading what is published here, and will offer my own experiences later if desired. Cheers.

    -Halla
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    Type Stats:
    MBTI -> (E) 77.14% | (i) 22.86% ; (S) 60% | (n) 40% ; (T) 72.22% | (f) 27.78% ; (P) 51.43% | (j) 48.57%
    BIG 5 -> Extroversion 77% ; Accommodation 60% ; Orderliness 62% ; Emotional Stability 64% ; Open Mindedness 74%

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    "If somebody asks your MBTI type on a first date, run". -Donna Cecilia
    "Enneagram is psychological underpinnings. Cognitive Functions are mental reasoning and perceptional processes. -Sanjuro

  4. #4
    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    For the sake of parity, let me include just like I did on the sister thread with a (slightly redacted) list of suggestions for Sensors from Dr. Robert Winer, a neurologist in the Philadelphia area, whose Website has some very insightful thoughts on temperament. (If you haven't seen this site, check it out here.)

    Sensors: Strategies for Balancing Your Type
    Excerpted from Dr. Robert Winer's Article
    • Appreciate yourself for your gift of practical skills, powers of observation, and firm sense of reality.
    • Remember that Intuitives (N) tend to present new ideas in an immediate, rough, and sketchy form. Try to concentrate on the main points and ignore the detail that has not yet been worked out. Even if it won't work now, it may work later with changes.
    • When dealing with N's, give them the prospect of some interesting possibilities before requiring them to concentrate on the facts.
    • When presenting an idea to an N, know what your main point is. Try not to get lost in a million details and facts. If you need help with an idea, ask: "What would you do about this?" The intuitive will be happy to help you through the obstacles.
    • Try something new every day, even if it's just something little.
    • To work on balancing your preference for reality--just for fun--try working on your intuition by brainstorming ideas with an N. An N can provide the impetus to generating some solutions you've never thought of. N's aren't afraid to make an "off the wall" or ridiculous suggestion or idea. This type of stimulation is good for you.
    • Next time you're about to turn down an idea, say instead, "It might work, if..." If you can't avoid pointing out the difficulties, combine it with a question, "What would you do about this and this?"
    • Try bouncing your decisions off an intuitive before you proceed with them. They may suggest a better way, a new twist, or an entirely different approach.
    • Remember that as a Sensor you need a certain degree of "feasts, treats, or sensory experiences." Don't feel guilty about this. There is time and place for this.
    • Remember that there is more to time than the actual minutes and seconds.
    • Press yourself to see beyond the exactness of time to get a sense of history or a vision for the future.
    • S's may procrastinate when it comes time to engage the imagination, or in thinking about the future.
    • Sensors hear literally what's said, while Ns hear figuratively what was meant or what they thought was meant.
    • The only real conflict to an S is that which is actual and immediate. They often make a myth for themselves that "out of sight" is "out of mind."
    • Watch your behavior. Mature sensing applies practical skills appropriately, usually on the basis of their past success in the real world. Your intuition may be immature and as a result you may see the future in negative terms, be unduly pessimistic, or get stuck in a rut not being able to see possible ways out.
    • Remember that there is more to a conflict than just the facts. People issues are generally more important. It's important to look at the extenuating circumstances.
    • If someone always disagrees with you no matter what you say, there may be other issues involved than just the immediate facts.
    • Consider a career that used to advantage your strengths of practicality, realism, and ability with facts.

  5. #5

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    *keeps an eye on this thread*

    I imagine someone's going to be offended at terms like "care" and "feeding" really soon. How chauvinistic, right?! Like sensors are cute little baby animals that can't take care of themselves, and are to be objectified for the entertainment of those indulgent intuitive bastards!!!

    I'm sorry, I had to say it. xD

  6. #6
    Senor Membrane
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    Well, I have a question. How do you know that you are emotionally close to a sensor, as they prefer doing things and talking about things makes them anxious (in this case at least)? Is there difference between physical closeness (which seems effortless) and emotional closeness for sensors? Is the only way to know just to hang around as long as you become more certain that they actually do like you?

  7. #7

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    Also, on an unrelated note, I think you and your boyfriend are very cute. :P

  8. #8
    Intriguing.... Quinlan's Avatar
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    I deny the differences.
    Act your age not your enneagram number.

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  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by nolla View Post
    Well, I have a question. How do you know that you are emotionally close to a sensor, as they prefer doing things and talking about things makes them anxious (in this case at least)? Is there difference between physical closeness (which seems effortless) and emotional closeness for sensors? Is the only way to know just to hang around as long as you become more certain that they actually do like you?
    I don't think you can generalize for all sensors. Some of them (especially the Fe-dominant ESFJs) are very comfortable talking about their feelings.

    That said, I think ALL relationships between ALL types can only develop certainty from time and shared experience. In that respect, it's not particularly different whether you're dating an INTJ or an ESFP.

  10. #10
    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by visaisahero View Post
    *keeps an eye on this thread* I imagine someone's going to be offended at terms like "care" and "feeding" really soon. How chauvinistic, right?! Like sensors are cute little baby animals that can't take care of themselves, and are to be objectified for the entertainment of those indulgent intuitive bastards!!! I'm sorry, I had to say it. xD
    I thought about this, too, but if people are that sensitive, that's on them, not me. Jeesh. People can be so touchy.

    the name was inspired by a great article blog about INTP-ness called TO BE INTp> Care and Feeding. I thought it was a cute name.

    [Warning complete seque >> And after briefly dating an INTP, I'll tell you that such blogs were very helpful. ENFP/INTP can be tough. I love the INTP Forum, too.]

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