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  1. #11
    Vaguely Precise Seymour's Avatar
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    I tell people that I neither give nor take advice well. When people talk to me about their issues, it's more about exploring the alternatives and how they real feel about it, and what the ramifications might be.

    One of my best friends (he's INFJ) sometimes rubs me the wrong way because he has a tendency to say to me "clearly you should do X!" when I'm talking about some struggle I'm having. First of all, I find it insulting that he thinks I haven't already considered X. Secondly, being outright told what to do instantly triggers every subversive/passive-aggressive tendency I have. I've learned to cope, but it is striking how different our approaches are when talking over an issue with someone.

  2. #12
    Senior Member mr.awesome's Avatar
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    ive gained probably 5 or 6 close friends in the past couple years, who would just talk to me because this often came up at the end of our conversations "thanks for listening to me chris, youre a good listener".
    theyd betch about not having a boyfriend, theyd betch about how they dont understand men, theyd betch about how horrible their life is. as soon as they got a boyfriend, so much for that. im completely disposable.
    if i were an altruist i could look at the bright side, but good lord, being a good listener is like a free key to using a person.
    my etsy Morphochroma

    I know you think I'm crazy,
    but most people they can't tell.

  3. #13
    Reptilian Snuggletron's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mr.awesome View Post
    ive gained probably 5 or 6 close friends in the past couple years, who would just talk to me because this often came up at the end of our conversations "thanks for listening to me chris, youre a good listener".
    theyd betch about not having a boyfriend, theyd betch about how they dont understand men, theyd betch about how horrible their life is. as soon as they got a boyfriend, so much for that. im completely disposable.
    if i were an altruist i could look at the bright side, but good lord, being a good listener is like a free key to using a person.
    this is a big part of why I don't want to listen. Only if I know this'll be avoided, because it's happened to me too at some point.

  4. #14

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    I don't know. When I listen to people I tend to see where they don't believe in themselves. I can see possibilities and I tend to present them to them. It often looks to me like they can't see past the problem anymore to see what they are capable of. I tend to try and compartmentalize the problem for them into manageable issues so that it can be dealt with less frustration or confusion. I tend to focus on the feelings and lead away from the negative associations and toward positive possible solutions. Reframing can help more than anything when someone is overwhelmed.
    "We ascribe beauty to that which is simple; which has no superfluous parts; which exactly answers its end; which stands related to all things; which is the mean of many extremes." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

  5. #15
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    It's hard to speak with people you know well, as weird as it may sound. I can relate

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