User Tag List

123 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 29

  1. #1
    Senior Member Malkavia's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    MBTI
    ENXP
    Enneagram
    3w4
    Posts
    296

    Default Unbalanced relationships

    NFs do you ever find yourself getting into friendships, or even relationships and eventually notice you are very emotionally invested in this relationship and the other one isnt?

    I think I used to do this, especially with friends. I started noticing it more and more and eventually fixed it.

  2. #2
    Senor Membrane
    Join Date
    May 2008
    MBTI
    INFP
    Posts
    3,190

    Default

    I am afraid it goes both ways... some people like me more than I like them, what can I do..?

  3. #3
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Posts
    2,591

    Default

    Not an NF, but I got that problem too

    Except I'm usually the one that is being liked on.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Malkavia's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    MBTI
    ENXP
    Enneagram
    3w4
    Posts
    296

    Default

    Its always awkward when its the other way around and you notice someone is very invested in YOU, and you could care less.

    How do you normally handle it?

  5. #5
    mountain surfing nomadic's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    MBTI
    enfp
    Posts
    1,709

    Default

    i think most of the time i am invested less than they are...

    i don't do it in a mean way though...

  6. #6
    Phantonym
    Guest

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Malkavia View Post
    NFs do you ever find yourself getting into friendships, or even relationships and eventually notice you are very emotionally invested in this relationship and the other one isnt?

    I think I used to do this, especially with friends. I started noticing it more and more and eventually fixed it.
    I can definitely relate. I used to do this too when I was younger and stupider. How did you fix it? My idea of fixing was to fix it for good. Bye.

    But with friendships/relationships there's never really equal investment, one side is always giving/taking more. Now that doesn't necessarily mean that the relationship is unbalanced, the sides may change. But if it's constantly one-sided and it causes problems, then it's not working unless both are willing to work on it.

  7. #7
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Posts
    2,591

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Sky is BLUE! View Post
    I can definitely relate. I used to do this too when I was younger and stupider. How did you fix it? My idea of fixing was to fix it for good. Bye.

    But with friendships/relationships there's never really equal investment, one side is always giving/taking more. Now that doesn't necessarily mean that the relationship is unbalanced, the sides may change. But if it's constantly one-sided and it causes problems, then it's not working unless both are willing to work on it.
    You are right...I think that ideally it should be 100/100, but that's not always the case. People feel that the man should love the woman more in a romantic relationship. I think there's some truth in that, but it shouldn't be where he's a slave to her every whim.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Malkavia's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    MBTI
    ENXP
    Enneagram
    3w4
    Posts
    296

    Default

    I fixed it because I made really close friends actually. When I was a little younger I noticed I did not have anyone who I really opened up to. Anytime someone got close to becoming a good friend I pushed way too hard and invested way too much. It scared a lot of people (and I understand why now that I have had people do that to me) I came off desperate and a little odd.

    Eventually I caught myself and would just make myself take it slow with people when Id first meet them. Except my ENFJ best friend, I guess since we are both pretty intense we know how to deal with each other.

    Now that I have a best friend and an extremely close circle of friends I dont see the need to rush things when I meet people.

    I consider myself lucky though, the friends I have gotten close to are pretty bad ass and not everyone has that luxury.

  9. #9
    Senor Membrane
    Join Date
    May 2008
    MBTI
    INFP
    Posts
    3,190

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by IZthe411 View Post
    People feel that the man should love the woman more in a romantic relationship.
    Really...??? Where does that come from? I usually pride myself for knowing what "people feel that people should do", but I don't remember ever hearing about this one.

  10. #10
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Posts
    2,591

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by nolla View Post
    Really...??? Where does that come from? I usually pride myself for knowing what "people feel that people should do", but I don't remember ever hearing about this one.

    Yeah, since love is easier shown by women (men are more prone to respect), It's believed that a man should be more in love with the woman, for it to work. He'll work harder at the relationship, in that case. That being said, love is shown differently between men and women, especially when you throw personality types in, so you can't assess who loves who more by only what's said or what's done.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO