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  1. #1
    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    Default Are You Sick of Being an N in an S world?

    • Me (N) = I'm an ENFP [which means I have extraverted intuition (Ne) as the dominant player in my personality. I also test as 100% N so I'm wayyy N.]
    • Them (aka Ss) = 80% of the world's population prefers Sensing over Intuition.

    Of course, I adore my S friends. But I sometimes feel like the freak in the freak show called Life, because I'm oftentimes the only N in a sea of Ss. It causes all sorts of problems. Miscommunication. Conflict re: global aims. Frustration about no one else seeing the big picture. This communication gap is most evident when working on a project with Ss and with romantic relationships with Ss.

    It's like we're speaking a different language. Or perhaps more accurately, I speak their language poorly ('cause we all have to interact with the concrete world) and they don't even know my language exists.

    I've known about Jungian personality theory since my early 20s. But I've only come to truly appreciate the profound difference between Ns and Ss in the last 1-2 years after dating an ESFP (with dominant Extraverted Sensing). For example, my boyfriend and I were holding hands while strolling about my historic neighborhood. He said, "Look at that house. It's so pretty." I began telling him about how the house was built in the Queen Anne style which led to me giving him a soliloquy on historic architecture. A couple month's later when we were breaking up, I asked him to explain some of his frustrations. The first thing he said: "I want to date someone who when I say, 'That's a pretty house' will respond, 'Yeah it is' without going on and on about it." (I was floored. And, somewhere in my gut, I knew that he was talking about the very essence of my personality. It took me a few months to tie this back into me being an N.)

    So here's my question to all you Ns out there: Tell me about your frustrations dealing with Ss and if you have any tips for bridging this communication gap.

    Let me start the tips and tricks sharing with this (slightly redacted list of suggestions from Dr. Robert Winer, a neurologist in the Philadelphia area, whose Website has some very insightful thoughts on temperament. (If you haven't seen this site, check it out here.)

    Intuitives: Strategies for Balancing Your Type
    Excerpted from Dr. Robert Winer's Article
    • Appreciate yourself for your creativity, rapid insights, and ability to see future possibilities.
    • When dealing with a S, work out the details. Be clear about the facts, and have a clear plan of action. Try to present your ideas in finished form rather than a rough idea or a sketch.
    • When presenting ideas to an S, try not to jump around. Follow an orderly step-by-step written outline.
    • Don't give out too many possibilities. This can overwhelm the non-N.
    • Though you have 100 incredible ideas, settle on the best 1 or 2. Giving more typically confuses rather than helps the S.
    • Define your terms carefully, especially when dealing with an S.
    • Finish your sentences when talking to S's. And remember not to finish theirs for them.
    • Consider telling others when you change subjects. If you change the person you or talking about, don't forget to mention it.
    • Realize your tendency to jump around.
    • Remember to make your solutions workable in the real world.
    • When you can't find something, it's probably where you already looked 3 times, but you just didn't see it. Look there again, or get an S to look for you.
    • Take some time to smell a flower, watch the clouds, study the details, and "listen" to what your senses tell you. Mentally measure what can be measured, count what can be counted.
    • Today is part of that long-awaited future. Watch out that you don't miss it.
    • If all else fails, read the directions.
    • Pay attention to what your body is dealing you. N's often fail to notice they are exhausted or in pain.
    • Be realistic. Ask yourself: "Can I really do all I have set out to do in the time I have to do it?"
    • Ns procrastinate when it comes to engaging in S type activities. Learn time management techniques.
    • An N hears figuratively what is said, while an S hears literally what he or she thought was meant.
    • The N's blueprint for settling a dispute may not include the actual steps for implementation.
    • Stick to the issues. Typically it helps to settle the immediate simple dispute first. This usually allows you to deal with the bigger issue later.
    • Remember S's take facts more seriously than you might. So give them an explicit statement of the problem before asking them to consider possible solutions.
    • Watch your behavior. Mature intuition is creative, complex, and amazingly accurate most of the time. An N using immature Sensing is likely to get obsessed with unimportant details and be preoccupied with irrelevant facts.
    • N's under stress may indulge in sensory pursuits unwisely.
    • Consider careers that take advantage of your strengths: variety, the ability to handle complexity, creativity, the big-picture, and focusing on the future.
    AUTHOR'S NOTE: You also may be interested in reading the sister to this thread: The Proper Care and Feeding of Sensors: A Manual by Sensors for Intuitives This thread looks at the S/N communication gap from a different angle. The focus is on what Ns like about Sensors. And it asks for Ss to give Ns who want to improve their S/N interactions for some suggestions.
    Last edited by Esoteric Wench; 02-14-2010 at 01:20 PM.

  2. #2
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    Nah...I like it when people fretting about the future ask me stuff as if I am a fortune teller. Lists like the above are shit...why would I want to change myself? If anybody else has problems with my communication style, it'll be best for both of us not to get toghether anymore.
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

  3. #3
    Ruler of the Stars Asterion's Avatar
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    It's definitely frustrating to be critisized for something that's difficult for you and not so much for others, and probably moreso for something that's inherant in your personality. People just need to stop critisizing others ... but that'll never happen.

    I'm quite happy being an intuitive in this world, we have the internet, and the opportunity for jobs and careers that are intuitive friendly. You can gain so much from free information that most sensors are probably missing out on. Anyway, that critisism that you get from sensors, only helps to balance you out. So despite the imbalance in the population, intuitives might (but probably wont) have an equal impact.
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  4. #4
    Queen hunter Virtual ghost's Avatar
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    And now imagine how it is like when you are also unsocial, mostly unemotional, planner togather with all of this. (just a thought)

  5. #5
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Yay, another "N hates living in S space" thread!

    ... I'm dealing with a lot of crap right now from my all-S family, so yeah... just tired of it. I see their side as valid, something that needs to be considered, but they consistently fail to see the other options that I also need to consider, so I seem to be the perpetual whipping child now that I do my own thang and don't kowtow to their desires.

    You want advice on how to deal with S's?
    It's easy to get frustrated and pissed with them.
    Remember that they also get frustrated and pissed with us.

    Just one big example here: My MIL (ISFJ) once tried to explain basic directions to me, using a highway map. I had figured out all the directions before she was halfway done and knew just where I was going. She finished... then started repeating. i waited patiently. She finished... then started repeating a third time. I finally had to stop her and tell her that I was fine and knew where I was going, totally. She had trouble understanding I was okay because to her, learning a task or dealing with something meant going through it linearly, step by step, memorizing the details; and it also meant me showing her literally that I understood (by repeating her directions TO her); and potentially even writing them down to take with me!

    Really strong S types (esp J's) have a hard time grasping N competence (especially P's). It's invisible to them. They can't see it. You have to give cues and reassure them that you're on target and know what you're doing. If not, you either lose them... and you could even draw a lot of judgment in situations that are morally volatile. S needs far more tangibility than N does; to many S's, we look like we're stepping out on air or being frivolous.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  6. #6
    Minister of Propagandhi ajblaise's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    Yay, another "N hates living in S space" thread!
    It's every thread.

    This forum could just as easily be named "N hates living in S space central".

  7. #7
    No Cigar Litvyak's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    If anybody else has problems with my communication style, it'll be best for both of us not to get toghether anymore.
    There are situations, countless ones, where you do not have a choice in this matter. You HAVE to work with people, you HAVE to maintain relationships in order to keep yourself on the right track and ensure the fulfillment of your future visions. I find these strategies handy.

    Quote Originally Posted by Antisocial one View Post
    And now imagine how it is like when you are also unsocial, mostly unemotional, planner togather with all of this. (just a thought)
    Stop whining already and pull yourself together.

  8. #8
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Litvyak View Post
    There are situations, countless ones, where you do not have a choice in this matter. You HAVE to work with people, you HAVE to maintain relationships in order to keep yourself on the right track and ensure the fulfillment of your future visions. I find these strategies handy.
    Well, I'd rather have the other person adapt to my communication style, rather than the reverse. (I haven't had many miscommunication issues in my life, though).
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

  9. #9
    Senior Member sticker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Esoteric Wench View Post
    I've known about Jungian personality theory since my early 20s. But I've only come to truly appreciate the profound difference between Ns and Ss in the last 1-2 years after dating an ESFP (with dominant Extraverted Sensing). For example, my boyfriend and I were holding hands while strolling about my historic neighborhood. He said, "Look at that house. It's so pretty." I began telling him about how the house was built in the Queen Anne style which led to me giving him a soliloquy on historic architecture. A couple month's later when we were breaking up, I asked him to explain some of his frustrations. The first thing he said: "I want to date someone who when I say, 'That's a pretty house' will respond, 'Yeah it is' without going on and on about it." (I was floored. And, somewhere in my gut, I knew that he was talking about the very essence of my personality. It took me a few months to tie this back into me being an N.)
    Personally, I don't find anything wrong with talking about the style of the house that's pretty. That actually sounds pretty Si for comparing to something you know about in the past. Heck, sometimes I'm the one rambling on.
    Everyone is unique. ...Just like everyone else.
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  10. #10
    Boring old fossil Night's Avatar
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    No.

    As I age, I find that a natural balance seems to be taking place; one that forges intellectual abstraction with fact-based analysis. I'm grateful, therefore, that I encountered the MBTI and directed it as a lens to enhance what I would have formerly considered deliberate puerility - certainly to my loss.

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