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Thread: Are You Sick of Being an N in an S world?

  1. #31
    Senior Member Array Parrish's Avatar
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    I`ve been thinking about these miscommunications the past few days, especially regarding my best friend who happens to be an ESTJ.
    Now if I ask her how her day was I have to be prepared for an incredibly detailed step-by-step narration. Honestly, it`s quite hard to stay focused. When in turn she asks me how my day was I usually sum it up with the overall feeling I had of the day, like it was okay, nothing special, etc. I don`t see the point in telling her all the unneccessary details. But she does get credit for putting up with my constant interruptions, sarcastic remarks and sudden memory trips. Most of the time I`m in the listening role, however if there`s sth troubling me, she`ll let me vent until I get it all out. She won`t try to comfort me or offer me useless advice, she`ll just be there and not fall asleep while I talk That`s really appreciated.

    When I talk to my ENTP friend, there aren`t any problems in communication; if I bounce to another thread of thought, he can keep up and go with the flow. The silences in-between don`t feel strained. I feel less exhausted even though I usually talk more. It`s refreshing

    When it comes to friendships, the S or N aren`t to restricting, but for a romantic relationship, I don`t think it would work out with an S in the long run. I want someone who will understand me like I really am, not just my top layer.
    .:"Claude os, aperi oculos.":.

    "You can't give up hope just because it's hopeless, you have to hope even harder and cover your ears and go 'lalalalalalala'"- Fry (Futurama)

  2. #32
    .~ *aĉa virino* ~. Array Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Esoteric Wench View Post
    It just amazes me that Ss can go about their lives and not know "the reason" they do things or articulate their thoughts conceptually. I always know the reason for my actions and seek the meaning in everything I do. (Read: evaluate everything from the big picture perspective.) But for Ss actions do not necessarily (or even usually) have Meaning with a capital M. And, these are valid choices for Ss. And, I have grown to respect this... even though I don't fully understand it. <purple added>
    Quote Originally Posted by Litvyak View Post
    Also, this is not true. You have to learn to respect other perspectives of life.
    It looks like she did, to me.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  3. #33

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    Quote Originally Posted by Esoteric Wench View Post
    My current ISTP boyfriend exudes love, but he's never declared it in a heartfelt statement like an INFJ might. Nonetheless, he shows me he loves me everyday in dozens of little ways. Like when he gave me his jacket to keep me warm last night. Like when he made me omelets for breakfast yesterday. Like when he remembered how I said I didnt like the towels folded in a certain way and he folded them differently because he thought this would please me. These are all acts of love. This is love in its tangible form. And, this is the way Ss express it. There is nothing wrong with this.
    There's a book dedicated to this called the 5 Love Languages. While it seems true that SJs will prefer acts of services as their top 3. It could be based on a completely off-base stereotype.

    It just amazes me that Ss can go about their lives and not know "the reason" they do things or articulate their thoughts conceptually. I always know the reason for my actions and seek the meaning in everything I do. (Read: evaluate everything from the big picture perspective.) But for Ss actions do not necessarily (or even usually) have Meaning with a capital M. And, these are valid choices for Ss. And, I have grown to respect this... even though I don't fully understand it.
    Good. I suggest you don't understand it since it's not really true at all. For many people (including the sensors), there is a big picture understanding, it's the understanding that there is no real meaning to life (assuming non-religious) and thus it becomes redundant to constantly search for some form of meaning to attach their lives to. It's definitely a practical approach to life, to be more content with just enjoying the moment and living life (this is inclusive of those who enjoy thinking for no real reason than because it caught their attention).

  4. #34
    "Everything in its place" Array fill's Avatar
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    Yes and no.

    I believe the biggest factor in my case is maturity. I can handle immaturity with Ns because I understand it, but with S types (more-so SJs), I have a hard time making sense of. I really like SPs. They're really fun people to be around - and I'm okay with ISxJs, but I really feel they don't get along with me. ESxJs are sometimes vice versa: I don't really get along with them, but they like me.

    The part I get frustrated with is the rejection of change. I'm no idealist, but I do love to mix things up in every sense and mindset to find something different - I thrive on this notion; however, S types tend to give me volatile responses to it, even if the current state of something remains flawed.
    "Poor bastard. Wait 'till he sees the bats. "
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  5. #35

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    Yeah, didn't notice that last statement, sorry. The "S folks can't articulate their thoughts conceptually"-stuff seems a little stupid though.

  6. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by Litvyak View Post
    Yeah, didn't notice that last statement, sorry. The "S folks can't articulate their thoughts conceptually"-stuff seems a little stupid though.
    I tend to read "gist" in cases like this, so looking at the whole paragraph, I came away with her main point and saw her openness. But yeah, I can see why that line evoked what it did.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  7. #37
    In Full Flight Array Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Litvyak View Post
    Not possible. You're just trying to make it easier for yourself with such half-truths.
    How is it not possible? I keep to myself, don't really engage with the rest of the world, have no interest in what they are doing. I live in my own world and only interact on a need to do basis. So it's very possible. Notice the qualifier "really," meaning "not much."
    ~Life in a cappella~

  8. #38
    Striving for balance Array Little Linguist's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    LL, I don't know your culture, so when you say "school," do you mean adults, or else kids in middle/high school? (i.e., grades 6-12 here in the US)?

    This behavior you describe is not just an S vs. N thing, I see it regularly just with kids in general. Two of my kids are N and they STILL do this all the time. Lots of kids of any type still need things spelled out to them.
    School = 5-13th grade

    But generally, I mean lower-level school. Not Gymnasium (college/uni prep) or higher education

    Interesting. I wonder why some kids need that. Can't really relate. If someone gives me a vague idea of something, I can take it, run with it, and bring back a beautiful, shiny, cool thing. You know?

    It took me a while to realize that a lot of people do not like that freedom. They want or even NEED to be told what to do every step of the way.

    I wonder why that is. Really. If I could understand the underlying reason, it wouldn't frustrate me as much.
    If you are interested in language, words, linguistics, or foreign languages, check out my blog and read, post, and/or share.

  9. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Linguist View Post
    It took me a while to realize that a lot of people do not like that freedom. They want or even NEED to be told what to do every step of the way.
    That part is true.

    I wonder why that is. Really. If I could understand the underlying reason, it wouldn't frustrate me as much.
    I don't experience it as much, but I can intellectualize it:

    Boundaries are safe.
    Open space, with an uncertainty of what to do next, is terrifying

    Imagine being on the edge of a cliff and being afraid of heights, and looking into miles of air.

    For someone who desperately needs closure, freedom might cause the same terror.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  10. #40
    Professional Trickster Array Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kai View Post
    For many people (including the sensors), there is a big picture understanding, it's the understanding that there is no real meaning to life (assuming non-religious) and thus it becomes redundant to constantly search for some form of meaning to attach their lives to. It's definitely a practical approach to life, to be more content with just enjoying the moment and living life (this is inclusive of those who enjoy thinking for no real reason than because it caught their attention).
    Well maybe it's just in the way they articulate it. I will have to say, for an S, your post sounds very conceptual. Most Ss I know couldn't... or at least wouldn't... write something like this.

    Perhaps one of the main issues here is balance between S and N. I'm super N. Maybe the blind spot is mostly my own. But I will say that I've had several S friends (especially ESFPs and ESTPs) who don't seem to be able to articulate why they do things or the meaning behind their actions.

    Example #1
    Me: "So why did you go to chef school?"
    ESFP: "I don't know. Just seemed like the thing to do. I thought it'd be fun."
    Me: "But why? You just dropped everything for a new career. You must have had a pretty good reason."
    ESFP: "Nah... I just did it? No reason. Just wanted a change."
    Me: [Pulls my hair out.]

    Example #2
    Me: "So what does it matter that you've been graded 'Twitter Elite' by Twittergrader.com?
    ESTP: "Well I'm not just elite. I'm number one in our area."
    Me: "Yeah, but who cares. It's just a formula and not a very good one at that. It doesn't mean you're really elite in anyway. So I don't get it."
    ESTP: "Well I have 5K people following me on Twitter and I had over 250 tweets yesterday."
    Me: "Yeah, but so what? You don't have any meaningful conversation with your followers. It seems like a meaningless label to me, and I'm baffled at why you're so excited to acquire it."
    ESTP: "Why does everything have to have meaning? It just is what it is."
    Me: (Thinks to herself, "What an idiot.")

    This may not be all Ss, but it's a lot of them. Or at least that's how it feels to me.

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