i can't defend myself when i feel threatened or "fucked with" and i think that's mostly because i am afraid of my anger.
if i defend someone else, then i am not hatefully angry. i focus on the compassion and just because i defend my friends doesn't mean i have to be like one of those who are extremely judgemental about all the enemies of their friends. i can be angry against them though. its more about being decisive and motivated to defend and less about destruction of the enemy. i can be objective about their qualities/perspective and let them live.
but i am somewhat ragefull against my own enemies. i am somewhat like the god of destruction. and i don't feel like i am doing a good thing, while i am being wrathful like shiva.
and if there is any compassion in my desire to defend myself (like compassion with myself) then i can not believe in it in that moment. i don't seem to be able to believe in the truthfulness of a 'good' attitude (compassion) of mine, when a 'bad' attitude (wrath) is obviously true at any point in time. apparently my sense of identity get sucked into (reduced to) that single point in the presence of being threatened and being wrathful.
albeit i am not the one who can't identify with only one of them in general.
i can be dare to become angry (meaning i won't loos my broader identity and sense of goodness) and i can be wrathful and destructive if i defend something good.
if i defend someone else its not like i am defending the truthfulness and goodness of my own compassion for the other. so it's not even a question whether i believe in those qualities in the moment, albeit i do. the point is, the other one (or possibly the good thing that must be defended) is not wrathful, he's that innocent victim, lol, so he is 'good', so i am defending this goodness in him and in a way i sacrifice my goodness for his innocence, by turning evil. so according to this silly binary logic of "good against evil is still not so good but somewhat justified but evil against evil is never justified" defending someone justifies anger.
btw, my brain knows better, this is not about my "opinion" - it just happens to be the logic of my retarded borderline emotions. looks like extroverted logic to me.